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To think my boss is BU?

(30 Posts)
Tabbystriped Sat 12-Jan-13 20:33:14

She and I are not friends. We have a working office relationship, and really do not like each other. Yes, I am certain she dislikes me. This is OK because, as I said, we are able to work together.

However, she occasionally asks me to borrow shoes or bag or piece of clothing she has seen me wear. I feel too uncomfortable to say no because I cannot figure out if I should just lend her what she asks. I do love clothes and have a lot because of this. My boss always mentions when she asks that money is tight for her because she has two daughters in university. I HATE lending her my things, and I resent the fact that she makes much more money than I do but will not just go to tkmaxx and get a propor pair of shoes and bag for her occasional events. The situation is so bizarre to me. She only asks every other month or so.

She did not threaten me, but I worry a lot and might be over thinking things to feel that I can not be so quick to refuse to bring the latest request of the shoes to her next week. I can not stop myself from letting the knowledge that she is in a position of authority over me.

Am I being mean and UR to refuse to lend her my expensive shoes for the semi formal work event she is going to in two weeks?

AlienReflux Sun 13-Jan-13 07:03:50

Yep, woman up tabby!! You will be forever lending your stuff if you don't make a stand. She's very weird asking, especially since she doesn't like you.

MadameCastafiore Sun 13-Jan-13 07:03:00

Have an hour off one morning and go into work late explaining you have been to the podiatrist for your horrid verrucas and the athletes foot problem that keeps recurring. On account if this you have been informed would be bad idea to lend your shoes to anyone. grin

Tabbystriped Sun 13-Jan-13 06:36:26

You are all right, of course. I guess I will need to come up with an excuse for never lending anything again. I HAVE "forgotten" things a few times, and this clueless woman really appears to believe that I truly forgot. She has no apparent ability to pick up on social cues. I will need to be firm, and I am not good at that.

Tortington Sat 12-Jan-13 22:23:02

if your stuck this time - tell her that you stood in a huge dog shit, left them outside and now they are wet

Tortington Sat 12-Jan-13 22:22:29

i'd be a total shithouse and tell her i lent them to a friend for a wedding

next time she asks i would tell her that i lent them to a friend to go on holiday

lent them to a friend for a christening

lent them to a friend for a .....

StuntGirl Sat 12-Jan-13 22:20:44

I agree with the above, its a blatent abuse of power. Politely refuse. Make a note of every time she asks so you can raise it with HR in future if your refusals cause you problems.

ilovesooty Sat 12-Jan-13 22:17:33

Point taken, SomethingProfound , however I honestly feel it's more disempowering in the long run to be making excuses/not being truthful. It's not the OP's fault of course and I think not being assertive in these sort of situations makes you feel more uncomfortable in the long run.

Also in my experience people who are given explanations and excuses are more likely to keep nagging and begging.

PurpleStorm Sat 12-Jan-13 22:15:34

Agree with SomethingProfound

The wording of the OP suggests that the OP is worried about giving a flat refusal because her boss is in a position of authority over her.

hippoCritt Sat 12-Jan-13 22:13:55

Mention your verucca infestation, there is an Mner who has a photo of hers, maybe you could borrow it! I wouldn't want to lend shoes to anybody, I think it is an abuse of her position to keep asking

MammaTJ Sat 12-Jan-13 22:13:26

Sorry but that bag does not belong to me, I borrowed it. Or 'I leant it to XYZ and thay didn't return it'.

SomethingProfound Sat 12-Jan-13 22:11:22

Sooty I can't speak for others, but the reason I didn't suggest a simple polite refusal is due to the power balance.

I got the impression that the OP was struggling to give a flat refusal due to the working dynamic, so was trying to offer a way of ending the situation with out the possibility of confrontation.

simplesusan Sat 12-Jan-13 22:10:25

Just lie - say your 'friend' borrowed X or Y from you, it was ruined, so now you're not lending ANYTHING to ANYBODY, end of.

I would do this if you are uncomfortable with an outright no.

She is being totally unreasonable.

ilovesooty Sat 12-Jan-13 21:41:32

I'm genuinely puzzled as to why so many think that the OP should have to put herself in an uncomfortable position by using subterfuge. What's wrong with a polite but assertive refusal?

SomethingProfound Sat 12-Jan-13 21:28:09

Tell her you eBay everything after a few wears, then avoid wearing it around her again (if possible). If you haven't got it anymore then you can't be expected to lend it to her.

HollyBerryBush Sat 12-Jan-13 21:25:59

Just say no.

And its lend, you lend, she borrows. Sorry.

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 12-Jan-13 21:24:00

WTF? Just tell her no, fuck off & buy your own luv-you're not my mate so why the fuck would I lend you my lovely stuff (of course as she's your boss you only need to say the 1st bit-NO)

Purplehonesty Sat 12-Jan-13 21:22:09

I second the 'my friend ruined my best shoes so I'm not lending anything out again' line. She can't argue against that.
She is totally BU

PurpleStorm Sat 12-Jan-13 21:19:30


If you don't feel comfortable saying no, then have a list of excuses at the ready.

She'll probably stop asking after you've said no a few times.

ilovesooty Sat 12-Jan-13 21:18:46

I agree with MrsPoglesWood

This seems completely inappropriate to me and I think it would be quite reasonable to report it. At the very least you need to refuse - the last thing you should be doing is lying or making excuses.

Proudnscary Sat 12-Jan-13 21:18:10

Seriously?! Ummm honestly just say no. See what happens. If she's weird/arsey/threatening see HR immediately

MrsPoglesWood Sat 12-Jan-13 21:15:50

I would check out your disciplinary policy. Where I work it is a disciplinary offence for staff to borrow money from anyone junior to them, especially within their line management chain. I can't see why borrowing an expensive pair of shoes should be any different.

Just lie - say your 'friend' borrowed X or Y from you, it was ruined, so now you're not lending ANYTHING to ANYBODY, end of.

creighton Sat 12-Jan-13 20:42:59

tell her no, no explanation needed. note down each of these 'requests'. it sounds like a power play, why else would you want to take/borrow clothes from someone you don't like?

ilovesooty Sat 12-Jan-13 20:42:17

Good grief: this is a total manipulation of professional boundaries. Just politely refuse - I have difficulty imagining how she considered it appropriate behaviour in the first place and why you went along with it.

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 20:40:22

Just say no, you don't like to lend out your things and that not even your friends (which she is clearly not) get to borrow them.

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