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To consider private for my DS's on our income?

(153 Posts)
Lotsofknockers Sat 12-Jan-13 18:27:10

I don't wish to get into the state vs private but am considering private for my DS's for various reasons - is it affordable on a income of £130k per year? Day dees around 10k per year which will rise for prep. We live in London - one DS would go this year the other in two years time but there would be consideration of nursery fees of around £800 a month so technically the same as two lots of fees now. Are we mad to consider it? Will we be struggling? Mortgage is around £1300 per month.

MrsMelons Sun 13-Jan-13 11:33:30

totally agree Seeker, having an all round decent life for the DCs is more important and ensuring they have good 'life' experiences is more important IMO.

I know holidays etc are luxuries but to me regardless of where you go, being able to afford a couple of weeks away as a family beats being able to send the DCs to private school hands down.

If there was a specific reason I needed to pay for a private school (eg SEN or bullying) and had no other choice then of course I would sacrifice anything over and above keeping a roof over our heads and feeding us but otherwise I wouldn't.

Again though on this thread (as seems to be how MN has been going this week) the OP has asked for advice and has had nasty comments from posters like Inappropriate just for earning good money.

MrsTerryPratchett I was thinking the same thing re the budgeting issue, it is shocking how people bringing in that sort of money have no idea how to budget. I also like how you admit to being cynical and mean grin

everlong Sun 13-Jan-13 11:35:11

But that's just it, just because it's not important to you doesn't mean other people are wrong for putting their dc's education before holidays, meals out, etc.

seeker Sun 13-Jan-13 11:37:16

"To you seeker maybe. But of course we all know your hatred for private education."

Is there the remotest possibility that I could contribute to this thread without people dragging in past debates? You may have noticed that I haven't entered into a state/private debate and I have no intention of doing so. Because this is not what this thread is about.

MrsMelons Sun 13-Jan-13 11:37:45

Everlong not sure if that was in response to me or not but it is just my opinion which I have stated, thats the point of us posting surely to give the OP our differing opinions.

I would have lots of respect for people who did make those sacrifices (I mean true sacrifices and not buying a pair of Jimmy CHoos annually instead of monthly) but IMO I don't consider it the most important thing in normal circumstances thats all.

MrsMelons Sun 13-Jan-13 11:38:25

why is everyone being so harsh on Seeker - have I missed a nasty post on here or something?

ProcessYellowC Sun 13-Jan-13 11:38:39

Our income is less than half yours, mortgage is the same, we can afford private (circa 9 k with afterschool added in) for our only child, and we have lots of fun as a family.

everlong Sun 13-Jan-13 11:39:25

Oh come off it seeker your first post on this thread was snipey.

No mrsmelons it wasn't to you.

HollyBerryBush Sun 13-Jan-13 11:40:30

There are a lot of people out there not having much fun in this economic climates, without factoring in private schools.

Pandemoniaa Sun 13-Jan-13 11:42:51

As someone who was privately educated, can I just say that you need to be able to afford the school of your choice, not be in a position where the cost of the fees entirely determines the school that your dcs attend.

Because private education is not always what it is cracked up to be - especially at the "budget" end - and I'd seriously look at choosing a good state school over an indifferent private school. Especially if choosing a private school means that you will be spending most of their childhood going without other valuable experiences - and I count holidays in this category too.

seeker Sun 13-Jan-13 11:43:52

No it wasn't. It was pointing out, as is perfectly acceptable on an AiBU thread, that to talk about struggle and sacrifice when you're actually talking about choosing to give up stuff that most people don't have anyway is insensitive, inappropriate, and as someone else said, not proper use of language.

Viviennemary Sun 13-Jan-13 11:46:39

If you will massively struggle then I don't think it's a good idea. No holidays, a worry if the car needs repair, a worry if the roof leaks. No I wouldn't have that. I don't think I would scrimp and have the family do without so my children could go to private school. But if I could have afforded it comfortably then I would have considered it.

noddyholder Sun 13-Jan-13 11:47:46

Agree with seeker And you can't afford it and still have a comfortable life.

Viviennemary Sun 13-Jan-13 11:47:57

I didn't see your post seeker. And I do appreciate a lot of people worry about these things that don't send their children to private school.

higgle Sun 13-Jan-13 11:49:45

If you can't afford to go private for the whole period of education I'd say do it now - the advantage they get in the first couple of years lasts through all the subsequent years at state school and they would be very well placed to pass the entrance exams into grammar school. I can never understand how some people think it is better to let them run riot under the "play is learning" regime at a state primary and then pick up the very expensive pieces later. The value of a formal education, discipline and little things like "please", "thank you" and learning to sit still is enormous. We did this with our two and the oldest went to Oxford, the youngest is heading for, hopefully, 4 As at A level this year.

TotallyBS Sun 13-Jan-13 11:51:08

seeker - I know I had a go at you earlier for making this thread about you and I know I am being inconsistent now but I can't resist making this about you.

You spent several days over the Christmas period complaining about your DS's Sec Mod school and how it doesn't have a descent orchestra and how carol service was in the school hall as opposed to DD's GS service which was at a church.

You are happy with the academics but pissed off with the lack of extras. So it's a bit silly coming on here and telling the OPthat a school is a school and that the money saved could go towards having fun. Well, can I suggest that you follow your own advice, stick DS into an afterschool orchestra, next Christmas take DS to a few carol services at a church and stop complaining about your DS's school.

Catchingmockingbirds Sun 13-Jan-13 11:51:15

You could also send them to state school but spend a lot of money on extra tuition and it would still be far cheaper than sending them to private.

aftermay Sun 13-Jan-13 11:52:36

Don't turn this into state vs private. Running riot is not the norm. But i agree that over-tutoring can help most children pass the 11+ if that's what you're after.

VerityClinch Sun 13-Jan-13 11:53:26

Do you have any savings? We are sending our two DC to a private prep and have much the same income (earned all by DH, I am SAHM). Our mortgage is much larger than yours too. But we have £35k of savings, and the option of me returning to work (was commanding a similar salary to DH when I left) if things get tight/when the children are a bit older.

Just have a back up plan (downsize, pull out, use savings) etc if you find you can't comfortably afford it a few years down the line?

Timetoask Sun 13-Jan-13 12:00:02

Am I missing something?
Why are people worried about op missing out on holidays?
On that salary I think you most certainly can afford to,pay for private, and can afford to go on holiday as well as pay your mortgage.
How old are your DS? I would save a whole year in advance to avoid any surprises half way through (redundancy, sickness, etc)

marriedinwhite Sun 13-Jan-13 12:06:07

Verity I think that was the OP's point, they don't have the back up plan.

TotallyBS Sun 13-Jan-13 12:08:41

Sorry peeps. I will resist the urge to make this into a seeker bashing thread.

iyatoda Sun 13-Jan-13 12:10:26

I think you can afford it. Ignore people like seeker she has issues with private schools and as Totally and everlong have pointed out she is not very happy with her DS's education in the state sector.

If you are unsure, I will suggest what a poster upthread has suggested which is leave them in state and move in Yr2 - so sit the 7+ but you need to support their work at home so they get thru the 7+. I did this with DS1 - Even though the plan was never to go private, we just became disillussioned with the system.

Arthurfowlersallotment Sun 13-Jan-13 12:14:01

I think you'd find it tight. Would your mortgage payments go up if interest rates increased?

To be honest, I personally think the full benefits of a private education are at secondary level.

noddyholder Sun 13-Jan-13 12:14:45

When you take off tax and mortgage it is not enough for private school and all that entails, as the fees are just the start.

VerityClinch Sun 13-Jan-13 12:15:16

marriedinwhite, sorry, yes, I didn't articulate myself very well - if you don't have a back up plan that you're happy with , eg selling house, withdrawing them from the school etc, then, no, don't do it.

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