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To think we should be fertile from 25-50 ish?

(115 Posts)
Allthenamesiwantaretaken Sat 12-Jan-13 17:46:50

Just a bit frustrated that at the time I actually am starting to feel grown-up enough (ish) to try to conceive (aged 34) that apparently my fertility is about to fall off a cliff. We have been trying for a little while to no avail and I am wirrying about my eggs, I know everything else is ok. I'm not sure I even feel grown up enough yet but am feeling the clock tick-tick-ticking away!

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 19:02:52

damnbamboo i think you have misunderstood my posts.

MidnightMasquerader Sat 12-Jan-13 19:03:14

Ha! Yes, Booy! grin

tittytittyhanghang Sat 12-Jan-13 19:03:22

I just think its shit that nature deems us most fertile in our late teens but (certainly) uk society frowns upon teenage pregnancy and its more acceptable once your settled in your 30's (when your fertility starts to decline). Talk about not being able to win :D

DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 19:04:03

Possibly boo

MidnightMasquerader Sat 12-Jan-13 19:06:56

Wait, Damn, - you mean, we can't actually put a request in to God/Allah/the flying spaghetti monster to reprogramme us, biologically?


DamnBamboo Sat 12-Jan-13 19:09:10

Ha midnight no no - I just find the whole concept of evolution 'catching up' a rather bizarre one.

wewereherefirst Sat 12-Jan-13 19:18:45

I didn't want to have children older than 30 tbh, because I was falling to bits in my teens. I had my first at 20 and my last at 26. I am happy with that!

I hope it works for you soon OP. The whole 'don't try for a baby' thing has worked for many smile

Booyhoo Sat 12-Jan-13 19:21:52

that really wasn't a serious comment damn. i assume that most people know that isn't how it works and so i assumed (rightly or wrongly) that anyone reading that comment would know i was joking about evolution catching up. maybe i should have added a grin or something to indicate that.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 12-Jan-13 19:22:41

Yabu, I had DS at 19 and am pg with dd at 25 but had been trying since not that long after I was 23. I'm very happy with the age I've had dc at and wouldn't have liked to wait until I was 25.

MrsDeVere Sat 12-Jan-13 19:28:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 12-Jan-13 19:31:19

I disagree about it being made clear how our fertility declines quickly in our 30s. I was undecided for ages and at 34 decided I wanted children and three years later am still trying (ok, it's unlikely to be an age thing). When people used to ask "Do you want children?" I'd say "Maybe," and people would say "Plenty of time. People have children into their 40s" etc.

Grrrr. Bastards!

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sat 12-Jan-13 19:35:04

I hope it happens quickly for you but I couldn't disagree more with the idea of not having babies till at least 25! The younger I was when I had some of my brood the easier I coped both physically and mentally, it's also meant I can stretch out my childbearing years so I have more options (though I know it's not that easy for many people)

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 12-Jan-13 19:36:48

I was a total kid at 24 even. I was just starting my career.

For many people, it's not remotely practical.

Allthenamesiwantaretaken Sat 12-Jan-13 19:37:26

Ok, obviously I realise that obviously even if there was a majority vote we can't change biology. it just seems that was life expentancy has increased so much it seems like we aren't fertile for very long, particularly in-light of the aformentioned social change.
Totally agree that if men had the same window it would change their outlook somewhat. DH became a father to DSD when he was 25 but I think he actually only feels mature enough now at 40! (he's a great dad nonetheless)

Well I think YABU as my dd and ds wouldn't exist. Some of us grow up quicker. I may not have graduated (or even taken a levels) but I provide for my dcs (along with my DH) and wouldn't change becoming a mum at 17 for anything.

Sorry you're having problems ttc OP. I'm 26 just had my ds2 and he took 14 months ttc.

herethereandeverywhere Sat 12-Jan-13 19:40:32

OP, YANBU, I understand and you have my sympathy! The suggestion to match men's fertility with women's is a cracking one!

I would have loved to have my children younger than 30 but 1)DH wanted to wait so 2) we didn't get a place together until I was 30, then we got married at 32 (I was happy to not bother with this step, he notso) and 3) made our flat liveable in whilst TTC which took 18 months (had DD1 age 33). This is seen by society as being responsible but has left me with declining fertility when I need it most! I happily conceived DD2 age 35, I'm now 36.

OP, keep on trying, you HAVE got time - don't feel the pressure of the invisible tick-tick-tick, it will do nothing for stress levels. Follow all the good advice about healthy lifestyle to maximise your chances. I also made sure we had enough sex at the right times by following "the Deanna plan" (google it).

Good on you if you had children before 25/30/whatever but not everyone has that opportunity.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 12-Jan-13 19:55:05

But many people aren't still acting like kids at 24. I left home at 16 and grew up fast, same with DP.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 12-Jan-13 19:57:59

You sound like Penny from Dirty Dancing grin

Let me assure you, I am NOT Baby Houseman.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 12-Jan-13 20:00:20


ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 12-Jan-13 20:05:52

Yes, I was only being silly.

Allthenamesiwantaretaken Sat 12-Jan-13 20:06:21

I'm sure there are some people who are mature in their early 20's but I definitely don't know any of them. The youngest of my friends to have a baby was 28, and she seemed very young.
I wouldn't even say all the circumstances are right now as I was the only one with a steady income (dh self-employed and income sporadic) and I am now redundant and starting my own business. Sooo, weighing thngs up, age, relationship etc we are trying now, even though I would prefer to be able to wait a little longer.

DiscoTent Sat 12-Jan-13 20:09:45

Rather than just being fertile 25-50 it would be nice if it was just a choice you could make. It seems so unfair that we spend so long doing so much to prevent conception, then (sometimes) have to try for ages to make it happen and then have to go back to desperately preventing it. Come on biology, surely there is a better way than this! grin

porridgewithalmondmilk Sat 12-Jan-13 20:13:24

This worries me a bit ... will be trying later this year when I'll be 33. But I have to go to a clinic so I hope it doesn't take ages.

Allthenamesiwantaretaken Sat 12-Jan-13 20:14:00

yeah agreed, just would like the window to extend, also would have been nice to start periods later than12!

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 12-Jan-13 20:17:25

I haven't watched Dirty Dancing in years, never really liked it so it went right over my head anyway!

DP and I are both mid/late 20s, most of his friends are still childless and quite immature whereas the majority of my friends have a had children early/mid 20s and are far more mature.

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