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Regarding my exTwunts day out with PFB

(136 Posts)
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sat 12-Jan-13 12:02:36

DD is 17 weeks, tommorow i have allowed him to have DD alone for the first time.
(There is a hug backs tory but this i can assure you is rather generous) He is not competent with DD at all. I had agrreed to drive 1.5 hours to meet him, so he could take her to her GPs a further hour away.
He is NOT competent with DD at all, he will no tmake comtact arrangements and i am currently building up eveidence for legal arrangements to be make (that is a hwole other thread). He does not see or contact about DD on a regular basis, very hit and miss. So as you can see i am being very accomdating.
So here is where he think IAMBU, i do not think i am.
He has now changed the plans. He wants to take her from me, to her GP (1 hour) to his sister (40 mins) back to his parents (40 mins) back to me (1 hour).
ALL IN FOUR HOURS. Excluding the 1.5 hours each way i am doing.
I feel this is awful for my Dd's, development, relationship with her father, routine and not to mention how long she will be in a car seat.

I have explained this, but IAMBU. He wants to know if he can have her longer and drop her the whole way back to me, but this doesnt solve the issue besides i feel 4 hours is long enough for a first visit. Also, i have never every left her longer with anyone. Now im being pushed for him to have her overnight tonight by him.
I am not happy, would you be happy with this?
I have offered him ways around this eg inviting all the family down to my area. Or why cant his isster go to her parents? I have said he could have her here today.
I just to not want her in a car that long.
I Willa ccept a flaming if i IAMBU

DPotter Tue 15-Jan-13 15:28:27

Make - that's great another baby milestone !
Please DO NOT feel guilty about the baby's father.
You concentrate on the enjoyment of a baby who is growing and developing. Don't be in anyway tempted to take photo and send it to him. take the photo yes for your album

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Tue 15-Jan-13 15:24:25

Having a wobble now. DD just rolled over and he's missing it all.
She's in her play gym and he hasn't even seen it or got a photograph.
I know it's his loss but feel rather empty confused

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Mon 14-Jan-13 14:45:45

Oh we have baby and pooch, all watching Jeeves and Wooster grin

DeepRedBetty Mon 14-Jan-13 14:11:27

Hi, disgusting day, I can't think of anything better to do than snuggle up with a nice warm cat and MN, and I strongly advise you to do the same, replacing cat with baby grin. Stick to your guns if Twunt gets in touch.

I wish I lived nearer you.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Mon 14-Jan-13 14:04:40

Thank you smile
Having wobbles today as I am tired

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 14-Jan-13 13:52:57

You do nothing you say nothing you instigate nothing.

If he contacts you to arrange contact you respond with the requirements, if he contacts you with abuse you inform him you will not tolerate abuse threats or hostility.

You make it clear if he contacts you that your response it entirely due to him changing agreed issues, his lack of consideration or dd and his abuse towards you.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 14-Jan-13 09:15:55

If you said to the GP or a HV, they would tell you much the same we have done. Until he can learn to look after her, then he gets supervised only.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Mon 14-Jan-13 08:55:37

Tell him you have taken advice (don't tell him it was MN), and that due to his inability to properly care for an infant he will not be having unsupervised visits. (Supervision by you/your parents at your house). If his family want to see her (which they have no legal rights to do) then he can facilitate that by bringing them to you/your parents house.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Mon 14-Jan-13 07:52:05

Thank you.
Feeling pretty worn out this morning hardly any sleep so the snow is a good excuse for a duvet day.
I'm just so confused about what happens or what I should do regarding exP now!

HappyNewHissy Mon 14-Jan-13 07:33:40

Well done! You got your KickAss Mummy badge today!

Keep it up!

DizzyZebra Mon 14-Jan-13 05:10:49

I'm pretty sure she shouldn't be spending the majority of 4 hours travelling in a car seat.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 13-Jan-13 22:22:40

Make i been a single mum for nearly 4 years, i spent the time bonding with my DD, and even though shes a real pain in the arse, i love her to bits.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 20:54:47

Thank you for everyone's support.
I don't feel strong or brave.

Luckily the hotel is cheering me up before I try and get a good nights sleep. Just had a rather nice dribbly cuddle which puts alot in perspective for me.

CitrusyOne Sun 13-Jan-13 20:51:35

I'm much more of a lurker but I started reading this this morning and came on here just now to catch up with how things had gone. OP you DO sound very brave. You clearly love your little one very much and have a wonderfully protective mothering instinct. Remember how important this is for her- this doesn't come naturally to everyone. My DD is 12 wks old, and my OH works shifts and I struggle with evenings when he's not here so it's totally understandable how you feel. Evenings are hard. I hope you are able to continue to be as brave as you have been. Keep us informed. I hope you are able to rest tonight. Love to you and your tiny bundle x

TheProvincialLady Sun 13-Jan-13 20:40:07

I've just seen that you are having a rough evening. That's probably the come down from all the adrenalin you had pumping round your system when you were standing up to your ex. I often get that and it makes me feel low, but it shoudl be gone by tomorrow. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your daughter! Not everyone can do that. And good for you for going on a course. You didn't say what it was for but it's all good stuff for your future and your daughter's. When my DC were 17 weeks I couldn't have held a pen the right way up, let alone concentrate for a few hoursgrin

ExitPursuedByABear Sun 13-Jan-13 20:37:31

Well done for standing up to him. I am sure you will feel the benefit of your new found strength in the days to come.

mamamibbo Sun 13-Jan-13 20:29:32

wow, ive just read through and wanted to say you are AMAZING, you did it, you stood up to him and you didnt back down and now he know he cant bully you and make you do what he wants anymore

i dont even know you and i am really really proud of you and you should be proud of yourself, you were strong, you were brave and you did the best thing for your baby even tho you were scared, you are strong smile

sherazade Sun 13-Jan-13 19:48:47

It's a really tricky situation and I feel for you.

No advice sorry. Hope it all works out.

TheEarlOfDoncaster1963 Sun 13-Jan-13 19:43:22

It is difficult when they are tiny, even with a partner. I'm glad you're meeting a new friend on Friday - I hope you have a great time! Are there any baby groups near where you live that you could go along too with DD? Some of them are a bit twee but it does at least get you out of the house and meeting people - they were a godsend when I moved to a new town and DS was 5 months old.
Well done for standing up to the ex - and sounds like you are well rid of him.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 19:27:52

I unfortunately only have one friend and she's married.
I mostly end up at my parents but this time of life is for them.
I'm actually in bed now, I have sleeping tablets. I'm tempted to take them now and just sleep, then it just makes tommorow longer.
I have started a thread on lone parents.
I'm meeting a mumsnetter on Friday too so I'm quite excited about that.
My only other looking forward to is getting DD weighed tomorrow I like to know how she's doing.
I am having help with my depression.
I just miss a cuddle.
Thank you to all who say I am strong

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Sun 13-Jan-13 19:17:12

OP it can get lonely but with time you'll learn to fill that void. Books from the library, tv shows to watch, or something else you enjoy that just fills that gap. It gets easier the longer you are in the situation, and the older they get. My favourite past time is MN grin

vole3 Sun 13-Jan-13 19:16:43

That's what mumsnet is for......
Have you got any friends who would like to come round for a regular girls evening with a good film & food?
A lot easier and cheaper than a babysitter!

flippinada Sun 13-Jan-13 19:14:38


I've just read all the way through this and want to say how downright amazing I think you are. I know from experience what it's like to fear a bullying ex and just how much courage it takes to stand up to them. So a great big well done to you!

Sorry you're feeling low, I know that feeling too. It will also be partly due to the come down after the stressful events of today, as well as you missing your little DD. Please be kind to yourself.

On a practical level I also strongly recommend keeping contact to the written word, whether that's text or email.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 18:58:44

Feeling a tad low now but i know I've done the right thing.
Do any of you ever feel lonely in a evening if your alone?
You know, no texts, nothing on tv etc hmm

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 16:49:43

It was quite scary as I'm a rather sensitive soul so if he had met me in person I would have probably lost it.
I feel great for standing up to him and not subjecting DD to heavens knows what else.
It's nice to not sit apologising to her for once. I've done nothing wrong and it's not my apologies she needs to hear

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