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Regarding my exTwunts day out with PFB

(136 Posts)
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sat 12-Jan-13 12:02:36

DD is 17 weeks, tommorow i have allowed him to have DD alone for the first time.
(There is a hug backs tory but this i can assure you is rather generous) He is not competent with DD at all. I had agrreed to drive 1.5 hours to meet him, so he could take her to her GPs a further hour away.
He is NOT competent with DD at all, he will no tmake comtact arrangements and i am currently building up eveidence for legal arrangements to be make (that is a hwole other thread). He does not see or contact about DD on a regular basis, very hit and miss. So as you can see i am being very accomdating.
So here is where he think IAMBU, i do not think i am.
He has now changed the plans. He wants to take her from me, to her GP (1 hour) to his sister (40 mins) back to his parents (40 mins) back to me (1 hour).
ALL IN FOUR HOURS. Excluding the 1.5 hours each way i am doing.
I feel this is awful for my Dd's, development, relationship with her father, routine and not to mention how long she will be in a car seat.

I have explained this, but IAMBU. He wants to know if he can have her longer and drop her the whole way back to me, but this doesnt solve the issue besides i feel 4 hours is long enough for a first visit. Also, i have never every left her longer with anyone. Now im being pushed for him to have her overnight tonight by him.
I am not happy, would you be happy with this?
I have offered him ways around this eg inviting all the family down to my area. Or why cant his isster go to her parents? I have said he could have her here today.
I just to not want her in a car that long.
I Willa ccept a flaming if i IAMBU

GailTheGoldfish Sun 13-Jan-13 08:08:47

And keep copies or photos of all these text messages. Good luck.

mrsscoob Sun 13-Jan-13 08:09:25

He is trying to bully you. Don't be scared. If he does turn up, what can he do? If he does and shouts at you or tries to intimidate you that will only strengthen your case.

Believe in yourself, you are doing the right thing and protecting your daughter, just keep telling yourself that.

TheUnsinkableTitanic Sun 13-Jan-13 08:09:44

will there be security at the training course ie is it in a hotel or similiar

will he have to go to a reception area to ask for you?

MyCannyBairn Sun 13-Jan-13 08:12:16

I have no advice, just offering a hand squeeze.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 08:18:15

Thank you. I think he will have to come to reception.
My father has offered to come with me but I'd like to think he is just trying to frighten me.
He says he would take her abs take her for longer than planned.
I have emailed back saying exactly that about the abuse and anger.
I had arranged to to her off half and hour before my course so she could have a feed, so hopefully he may go by the time I get there hmm
How has it come to this?
Where us the man I thought I'd have a beautiful family and life with? Never existed

ThereGoesTheYear Sun 13-Jan-13 08:22:58

Don't be bullied into bringing your DD to him. It lets him know that if he wants his own way about anything he just has to get increasingly unpleasant towards you.
Let him know clearly that you will NOT change your mind about this, to try to avoid him showing up. .
Can you get to your course early so you don't bump into him if he does show up? Can you arrive with/meet others so you're not alone?
Print out the emails you sent him to say that the arrangements were changed by him so the visit is off. Be prepared to call the

mrsscoob Sun 13-Jan-13 08:23:14

Keep calm and don't get drawn into any arguments with him. Just keep repeating that she is too young to undertake such a journey but that you are not trying to stop him seeing her and that he can see her anytime he wants at your house. He hasn't got a leg to stand in and he knows it, his only hope now is to bully you into getting his own way, don't let him. Good luck today and stay strong.

ThereGoesTheYear Sun 13-Jan-13 08:24:45

Posted too soon...
Be prepared to call the police if he shows up at your course shouting or threatening. If you have the printouts to hand you can prove that he shouldn't even be there.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 08:27:01

Thank you for all the advice and calming me down

Grapesoda Sun 13-Jan-13 08:28:04

Stay cool.
You don't have to let her go. In fact, you have a. Responsibility to keep here safe and from what you have said about his plans, her welfare is not I his paramount Concern.
You can call women's aid for legal advice. If he is abusive you should call the police. How far are your parents? Can they come to support you right now?
If you are at a hotel you can ask the desk / reception to not let him in to you. Yes, children have a right to see their father but the paramount concn is thesafety an welfare of the child. If you think this is jeapordised by today's plans you havea. Esponsibility and the right to to let her go with him today.
Worry about court later.
Good luck.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 08:38:48

I am at my parents not dropping DD off with my mum.
Dad has offered to come with me but if I haven't got DD with me then it should be okay but he's just text again saying I'm leaving in a bit

Grapesoda Sun 13-Jan-13 08:41:00

Just be clear with him. It's great that your dad will be there. Thinking of you.

Grapesoda Sun 13-Jan-13 08:41:33

Defo have dad with you.

Sheldonshere Sun 13-Jan-13 08:42:37

Do you think he'll take you to court for contact?

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 08:43:54

Thanks everyone.
Even if I gave in now I used to I'd be terrified he wouldn't bring her back.
The legal aid I have had I'd either keep all my documented evidence and get a court order myself or make him fight for a CO.
He really seems to have to definition of PR wrong

mrsscoob Sun 13-Jan-13 08:56:20

Good luck. Let us know later if he showed up or not.

CecilyP Sun 13-Jan-13 10:13:56

Honestly, I would accept your dad's kind offer and let him come with you. Can you also go a bit early so you are already in the training room by the time you originally said you would meet your ex?

coronalover Sun 13-Jan-13 10:37:08

So sorry you're in this situation. No advice to give but sending you virtual hugs!


MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 11:09:56

He's turned up. I'm in the building and can see from the window my phone is going non stop. And my heart.
I know I've done the right thing.
Just so glad DD is safe with my parents

Dubjackeen Sun 13-Jan-13 11:18:56

You poor thing. I have no advice, just sending you my support. Hope everything works out well.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 11:21:11

It's okay he can't get to me And my daughter is safe with her family.
It's just very very scary that it has come to this.
This isn't the person I knew.
Maybe this will push it to court

InNeatCognac Sun 13-Jan-13 11:22:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummytotwins Sun 13-Jan-13 11:23:06

You poor thing, what a nasty piece of work he is, im glad you have your parents to help you x

PeacockFeathers Sun 13-Jan-13 11:24:16

He sounds crazy. There's no way I would let my child go with someone who cannot put the baby's needs before their own.

I hope he doesn't cause a scene for you.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 13-Jan-13 11:28:13

He is just making things worse for himself.
I just feel rather anxious and panicky. Mum and Dad will keep her safe, I very much doubt he will try it.
I believe it's just about me, and controlling me.
He genuinly believed I would still bring her.
I never knew maternal instincts could be so strong. Maybe he doesn't realise this as I had PND, and had given in in to him before.
Just once and and he failed then

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