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Contacted by ex boyfriend from 20 years ago. Do I ignore or email b&gger off

(52 Posts)
PugMummy Sat 12-Jan-13 11:31:51

I had the weirdest email via Facebook. A boyfriend I went out with 20 years ago contacted me to say he was sorry he was selfish and brining up loads of things that I had actually forgotten about. He was a twat and obviously still is but I've never really given him another thought. I'm so annoyed that he's going through some kind of emotional clear out (he's going through divorce apparently) and has contacted me after forever and brought up all this stuff. I'm in 2 minds wether to email back telling him that it's even more selfish to contact someone after 20 years and dump all this stuff back up again, or just ignore him completely. I'm very happily married I should add and have no intention of revisiting him or anyone else. What do you think?

HollyBerryBush Sat 12-Jan-13 11:33:05


Block and ignore.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sat 12-Jan-13 11:33:50

Well if you've effectively forgiven and forgotten why not a simple message to say so. Tell him he was a rwat but you'd not given it another thought have a nice life.

wewereherefirst Sat 12-Jan-13 11:34:45

Ignore and block!

DeepRedBetty Sat 12-Jan-13 11:35:35

Same here. Block and ignore. Any response, positive, negative or neutral, could lead to all sorts of complications that you and your family don't need. He'll sort out his emotional clear-out whether you engage or not.

SavoyCabbage Sat 12-Jan-13 11:37:14

Definitely ignore him. You have nothing to gain by interacting with him.

One of my ex's contacted me via facebook too this week. He has 'found a photo' he wants to send me so can he have my address. I've just ignored him. I don't want him having my address and I have no interest in some old photo.

Nancy66 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:38:20

he may well be doing some sort of therapy where apologising to people he has hurt is part of the treatment.

ignore it.

notactuallyme Sat 12-Jan-13 11:41:33

oooh how interesting - i am happily married, no interest in revisitng the past BUT - I found an ex on Facebook via university, who I had always felt crap about - married someone else while seeing him, long term boyfriend (him) and had a sort of 'if i bumped into him i'd definitely apologise feeling'. Will absolutely NOT contact him after reading this!

JambalayaCodfishPie Sat 12-Jan-13 11:42:14

Ignore. I had this, said he wanted to move on, be friends. No thank you - blocked. I did not want him accessing any part of my life, it could only ever bring trouble.

notactuallyme Sat 12-Jan-13 11:44:33

equally, thinking about it, i have ignored contact via my mum from an ex, knowing i had nothing i wanted to say or hear from him. Tricky - there are some i would quite like to know how things are going for, in a nosy way.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 12-Jan-13 11:50:01

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore, My ex had this, contact from an old gf from 20 years ago, i encouraged the contact as i thought there was nothing wrong with it.

Well what a massive twat i was, since he left me for her.

So just ignore.

natsmum100 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:58:14

XH contacted me on facebook after 15 years wanting to be friends and reassuring me that he wouldn't ask why I left him. It was because you are a twat grin

HecatePropolos Sat 12-Jan-13 12:02:06

Am I the only person who would email back and say sorry, I think you may have the wrong 'Pugmummy', I don't remember dating you.


SpicyPear Sat 12-Jan-13 12:02:06

Ignore. It's very egotistical to contact someone in this way to make yourself feel better. He is assuming what he did or didn't do is still important to you 20 years on, which is a bit pathetic really and quite an insult to you!

LurcioLovesFrankie Sat 12-Jan-13 12:05:06

20 years on seems to be the classic time for mid-life crisis followed by contacting exes! I've had 2 or 3 of these now. I play it polite but distant. But then the ones I've received have just been, on the surface at any rate, friendly overtures, not out and out "please can we have a post-mortem on what went wrong". Ocassionally they try the "my wife doesn't understand me/is too absorbed in the children" card, at which point I slap them hard, tell them to do a better job of being a father ('cos 9 times out of 10 if they pulled their weight, their wife wouldn't have to be absorbed in the children to the exclusion of all else), then ignore. However, in your case, where he's dumping emotional crap from the outset, I totally agree with other posters - block and ignore.

PeachTown Sat 12-Jan-13 12:07:33

Ignore! The opposite of still having feelings for someone is total indifference not 'bugger off'.

DeepRedBetty Sat 12-Jan-13 12:11:09

Should have guessed it was Hecate when I read that post grin

HecatePropolos Sat 12-Jan-13 12:12:03

grin oh dear.

PugMummy Sat 12-Jan-13 12:13:13

That's exactly why I'm so p&ssed off about it and hence why I first wanted to email back telling him to sod off. Anyway, any interaction is going to be a sign of some sorts for him I reckon so basically I'm going to ignore, delete and block. Bloody Facebook

Proudnscary Sat 12-Jan-13 12:15:10

Ignore. Definitely.

This happened to a friend of mine.

She replied and almost immediately he showed his true colours and got arsey.

She said something like 'that's really nice of you - good luck with everything' ie a polite acknowledgement but he obviously either wanted a gush fest or a flirty ongoing exchange and snapped back something like 'is that all I get for pouring my heart out to you? You always were stuck up' blah blah.

heyannie Sat 12-Jan-13 12:20:39

A similar thing happened to me only it was my dad, who abandoned me when I was 2. He found me on Facebook when I was 25 and sent me a message saying "Oh I think about you all the time, you have a younger brother and younger sister and they really want to meet you etc", I replied saying thanks for getting in touch, I'm doing great thanks, goodbye. He then replied saying we should meet up, I said it wasn't a good time for me (it really wasn't, my poor granddad who was the only father figure in my life was dying and I was distraught) and he sent back a horribly aggressive message saying yes it was a good time and we shouldn't wait any longer. I wanted to tell him to fuck right off but just ignored. Wish I had done that in the first place, instead of politely replying as was in my nature due to my good upbringing.

Glad you've decided not to dignify him with a response! He's looking for an ego boost, confirmation that you still think or care about him, don't indulge him.

Fairylea Sat 12-Jan-13 12:31:44

Xh left me for an ex he was with before me after adding her on fb. I never thought anything of it at all for several years in fact until he told me he didn't love me anymore and had been chatting online to her and was going back to her..

I am now remarried and neither dh nor I have any exes on fb. They are all blocked.

Block and ignore.

TinyDancingHoofer Sat 12-Jan-13 12:46:06

Unless he was abusive I'd send a polite message back. There's no need to be rude just because you weren't each other's "perfect match". Something like, "Thanks for the apology, life has turned out well for me, hope you are well". Then maybe block.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 12-Jan-13 12:50:49

Somebody from my school did this, and the wierd thing is, i dint remember her having anything to apologise for....she was a birrova cow, like, but I dont remember ever losing sleep over her existence.....I assumed it was some sort of wierd therapy thing and ignored.

Vagaceratops Sat 12-Jan-13 12:52:23

Maybe he is in AA and doing the 8th step?

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