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If I say no to his proposal despite really wanting to marry him?

(36 Posts)
alisunshine29 Fri 11-Jan-13 13:40:25

DP and I have been together for 4 years, 2 kids - 1 his step daughter, 1 our daughter. We're sickeningly happy - no doubts at all that I want to be with him forever. He's hinted he will propose this year. However, when we met he was seperated from his wife whom he still hasn't divorced. I don't believe we should be engaged til they're divorced, despite them having no contact. AIBU?

BabsAndTheRu Fri 11-Jan-13 15:07:33

If not a case of her being in an old will, if no will at all then spouse gets the lot. So many people don't have a will, I only got one made when I separated from my husband.

BabsAndTheRu Fri 11-Jan-13 15:10:12

Basically think we all agree YANBU and get DP to get going with that divorce. Oh and make a will. Lecture over

Floggingmolly Fri 11-Jan-13 15:39:39

It's a bit of a nonsense getting engaged to a man who's appears to be uninterested in divorcing his first wife. Are you sure he's about to propose?

Crinkle77 Fri 11-Jan-13 15:41:41

what is his reason for not divorcing her 4 years and 2 kids later. Is it to do with money and having to pay her a divorce settlement? A bit strange if you ask me

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 11-Jan-13 15:45:26

I moved in with current DH when I was still married. I had covered my arse a bit with my DF having Power of Attorney and a Will. My worry was I get into a car accident and the person who decides to switch me off is my old DH. I did get the divorce eventually, I was just crap at paperwork and couldn't be bothered.

EuroShagmore Fri 11-Jan-13 15:46:06

It shouldn't take that long to sort out a divorce when they have already been separated for so long. I'm not sure if he needs to track her down for it (legal proceedings can usually be served at the last known residence but I'm not sure if that applies to divorce proceedings) but if does, just hire a private detective.

MoodyDidIt Fri 11-Jan-13 17:03:07


he should have at least started divorce proceedings by now

HollyBerryBush Fri 11-Jan-13 17:09:07

Engaement is an understanding to marry.

You both have that.

An official engagement is just the public declaration.

DH and I were engaged before he was divorced, and come to think of it, I'd booked the church as well grin

parttimer79 Fri 11-Jan-13 17:14:19

I've been with DP 2 years and he has been separated for 3. His divorce has proceeded slower than we would have liked due to some serious financial wrangling but he has his Decree Nisi and did before we moved in together.
We are now expecting a baby and have arranged finances/life insurances etc to protect both the DC from his marriage and the new baby.
We have what Holly calls an understanding to marry but no way am I getting engaged before that absolute is signed and sealed! Don't want a wedding with the bump so am happy to wait although it does make me feel slightly vulnerable.
If he wants to marry you he needs to get himself divorced, simple!

Longdistance Fri 11-Jan-13 17:29:43

Just give him a push in the right direction to the solicitors

Yanbu either.

holidaysarenice Fri 11-Jan-13 17:32:28

The answer to the will question is actually a lot more complicated. How the house gets left depends on the type of agreement you bought, joint tenants or tenants in common.

Also if it all went to his wife, you would be entitled to claim against her for your child. Likewise if he had had a child and left it all to you, mother of that child could have claimed from you.

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