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To think about leaving my husband over a bike?

(135 Posts)
Opossum99 Fri 11-Jan-13 13:31:35

Sorry,a bit long. I'm currently on parental leave following ML. My ft job has relocated and we would have to move for me to continue with my company so I'm taking as much (unpaid) leave as possible before having to make that decision. I've been looking for another job locally and was offered one on Wednesday. My OH is being made redundant end of march. On Wednesday after telling him I'd had an offer he came home and told me he'd bought another bike for £600. I'm fuming because a. We don't know about his work situation from march and b. I don't know if I want to take the job and c. I had thought I'd made it very clear I didn't want him buying a new bike as he still owes a couple of thousand on his credit card. Now after doing a bit of checking (he left a web page open on his iPad) it seems very unlikely bike was £600 and was probably more like £2000!
I took both DCs last night and stayed away but am thinking of whether I need to do more? Thoughts please??

BadLad Sat 12-Jan-13 11:30:41

I thought I'd read this thread before. Turns out it was a cheaper bike.

Euphemia Sat 12-Jan-13 11:47:02

So you were mad at £600, raging at nearly £3000, but okay about £1000 as it's not as bad as £3000? hmm

Neither of you sounds like you have a grip on budgeting, or sensible ways to spend money. You should be trying to clear your debts, and start saving, not pissing £1000 up against a wall!

You are both being unreasonable.

curryeater Sat 12-Jan-13 12:12:54

Oh come on, I can see the Op's POV here - if you can re-set the financial set up, make it clear that he has to show respect to you in the way he communicates and in the way he spends money, and it works - you can come back from a foolish £1k purchase. I hope. I can see why she wants to give him a chance, but the relationship and how he treats her in future is more of a thing than the money.
I would be a bit pissed off at the "you can spend 1k too!" gesture as it is meaningless unless he robs a bank - it's just more family money. I think the op should explain this carefully in words of one syllable and "cash in" that gesture for something else that she really wants that won't cost anything in money (saturday lie ins for 4 weeks, say) (I can tell you there have been times in my life when I would have paid £250 to stay in bed in the morning!)

AThingInYourLife Sat 12-Jan-13 12:29:29

The bike needs to go back.

That is the first, and absolutely crucial, step in resetting the financial arrangements.

If he gets to keep the bike he lied and stole to obtain, then any new "settlement" is just appeasing the OP until next time.

If he's repentant, and if he gets why it was so stupid, so immoral, and so childish to buy himself a new bike for a treat and lie about it when he's about to lose his job, then he will happily send it back and use the money to pay down his debts.

If he complains about it, he's just trying to get you off his back and he'll continue his spendthrift ways at your children's expense.

What a shitty excuse for an adult.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sat 12-Jan-13 12:47:52

I'm not sure a demonstration bike sold cheap would be returnable unless it's faulty. It'd depend on the shops policy but you'd never get that round here.

Still, he should have tried. He should ease his guilty conscious by returning the bike to show he knows it was a crap decision, rather than trying to buy you.

AThingInYourLife Sat 12-Jan-13 13:03:32

If it can't be returned, then he must sell it and recoup as much of the wasted money as possible.

No way should he be rewarded for lying and taking family money without asking by getting a new bike out of it.

fuzzpig Sat 12-Jan-13 13:33:20

<joins AThing fan club>

curryeater Sat 12-Jan-13 13:59:12

yep ok athing is right, even if the bike is ebayed for £200 it is symbolic

JustFabulous Sat 12-Jan-13 17:26:09

If he has £1000 in his account why the drama?

Where is "your" £1000 coming from?

AThingInYourLife Sat 12-Jan-13 18:41:57

Some people are so fucking dense when it comes to money.

I mean, really, if you think that having £1000 in your account means you have £1000 to spend, you have the financial acumen of a 6 year old.

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