Advanced search

AIBU to be annoyed at ppl telling my DW that she is only pregnant not ill..

(33 Posts)
WheelybodsDH Fri 11-Jan-13 11:13:18

Everyone keeps telling my DW that she is "only" pregnant not ill, however she has had 3 UTIs in the last month and is disabled as well. AIBU to think that her pregnancy is going to be harder than what is considered normal?

manicbmc Fri 11-Jan-13 11:14:38

If she has had UTIs then she has been ill as well as pregnant.

Does she go on about it a lot?

Snazzynewyear Fri 11-Jan-13 11:16:43

Well, it's always going to vary from person to person how difficult a pregnancy is, but it is fairly rude to say that sort of thing to anyone. You could try 'Oh, I guess you're only rude then instead of insensitive'. What I would say is that people say a lot of incredibly rude and thoughtless things to pregnant women (many threads on here about it!) so expect it to happen and think up good replies to fend it off is my advice.

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Jan-13 11:16:52

I don't think anyone can guess how difficult/easy a pregnancy will be and in your wife's case, a lot would depend on what her disability actually is.

But YANBU, people saying things like that isn't helpful.

Having said that, I've said the same to my niece in the past but that's because she was acting like a total dramallama and it needed saying grin

WheelybodsDH Fri 11-Jan-13 11:18:11

Unfortunately yes :-( can be a DQ sometimes lol. I still think people shouldn't be saying it all the time though

hellsbellsmelons Fri 11-Jan-13 11:20:10

People can be ill and pregnant - I know I was.
I lost loads of weight - couldn't keep anything down and was constantly sick.
That is ill in my eyes. Caused by the pregnancy!
People need to understand it's different for everyone.
I really hope she breezes through it!
Congrats buy the way!

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 11-Jan-13 11:20:27

They shouldn't no,but by the same token if your wife is continuously going on about it the people in question may well just be tired of hearing it.

MrsBungleBear Fri 11-Jan-13 11:20:28


My mil said these exact words to me when I was in hospital for the second time at 10 weeks.

I was actually in my hospital bed hooked up to a drip and waiting to be taken down for a liver scan.

The registrar was there and said to her actually she's pregnant and ill and she's only ill because she's pregnant.

It's really.not helpful to make comments like that.

WheelybodsDH Fri 11-Jan-13 11:21:11

In reply to Worraliberty she has Spina Bifida and is a wheelchair user

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Jan-13 11:21:34

What is a 'DQ'?

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Jan-13 11:22:34

I see. Well then yes, it's quite likely that her pregnancy is going to be harder than what is considered normal.

DragonMamma Fri 11-Jan-13 11:23:30

I think if people keep banging on about how ill they are when pregnant then the vast majority get bored of listening to it. Or when it's used as a card for everything and an excuse to tell you how many times they'd been up in the night to wee etc. Every. Single. Day.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Fri 11-Jan-13 11:23:38

Worra, I am guessing Drama Queen.

nananaps Fri 11-Jan-13 11:24:00

Drama queen possibly?? DQ

CloudsAndTrees Fri 11-Jan-13 11:25:14

To be fair, if she is complaining a lot, people are going to get bored of it, disability or not. She needs to take the hint.

ResolutelyCheeky Fri 11-Jan-13 11:25:15

It is lovely that you are so protective of your DW. What a nice person.

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Jan-13 11:25:24

Ahh < slaps head > I didn't think of Drama Queen!

DragonMamma Fri 11-Jan-13 11:25:35

X post

If she's in a wheelchair then clearly she's going to have more difficulties than most women. But pregnancy does come with things like UTI's, thrush, back pain etc, it's generally part and parcel of the experience as well as piles, leaking boobs, heartburn.

In that sense I would say she is 'just' pregnant.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 11-Jan-13 11:26:25

Drama Queen I'd say.

Not the excellent American milkshake chain,Dairy Queen,which was my first thought. Wrong context though grin

curmit Fri 11-Jan-13 11:27:45

I was hospitalised when pregnant for the same reasons as kate middleton - it was really awful. A 'friend' snapped at me 'you're only pregnant you're not ill!' when I was concerned about going on a long journey in the hot weather just after I got out of hospital. Some people think they are the authority on pregnancy when they haven't got a clue. The only thing you can do is ignore them.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 11:29:41

But Dragon, those things are illnesses. If you had three UTIs in quick succession when not pregnant, you'd have been ill.

Also you may be restricted in the treatments you can have, unlike when you are not pregnant, meaning it takes longer to get better.

ethelb Fri 11-Jan-13 11:29:47

I hate that attitude.

Its a horrible stick to beat women with and a way of dismissing women's health problems.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 11:30:35

YY ethelb.

pictish Fri 11-Jan-13 11:31:33

Depends. Is she a moaning minnie?

PandaOnAPushBike Fri 11-Jan-13 11:31:47

YANBU Some people seem to think the normal rules of social engagement don't apply when you're pregnant. I'm currently 6 months pregnant and rude people (I include you in this Mum) keep commenting on how huge I am, how much weight I've put on and my uncle thinks it's really funny to keep telling me to watch out for Greenpeace in case to tow me out to sea.

As it happens my weight is the same as it was before I was pregnant, it's just relocated. Plus all these people are fully aware of my years and years of struggling to control an eating disorder and serious body image issues. WTF are they playing at?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: