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For just wanting my DC to go to school

(313 Posts)
cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 06:38:35

So the week before the Christmas hols I had youngest DC off school with D and V for week and middle DC got it for last 2 days of term. They were both ill on and off over Christmas. As was DH who spent most of the time "having naps". I came down with the same cold he had but obviously mine was nowhere near as bad ;)
So new term starts and I've had middle DC off with a throat infection, she finally starts to rally yesterday and I'm awake early this morning giddy at the thought of getting out of the house alone for the first day in a month.....with that youngest DC walked in and was sick.

AIBU to just want them back to school so I can actually get on with my life. I adore them, I truly do but FFS a month at home......!! DH thinks IBU and it's just one of those things. He's even suggested I rehome our dog as I haven't been able to walk her all week.

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 08:48:34

You're not paying attention - it is NOT ok that they think this is normal .hmm

BeckAndCall Fri 11-Jan-13 08:48:34

Sorry but I disagree with just about all other on here - your DH goes out before 6.30 and you'd like him to make a contribution BEFORE that? And he come sin at 8 in the evening and THEN you'd like him to cook? Can you really wait til 9 to eat? Can your kids?

And your children are all school age! Ok they're poorly, on and off, but they're not babies or toddlers who need constant monitoring and attention. Your youngest may be only 4 of course and will be clingy but it's just a couple of days!

Walk the dog on the way to do the school pick up and get some ready meals in for the next week.

Then work out a better division of duties for the weekend S it seems like that is only time your DH is around.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 11-Jan-13 08:48:46

A little harsh, Bea, it takes an enormous amount of strength to talk about something like this. It takes even more to change the situation, especially if you don't want to leave.

cath, seriously, something has to give. I really don't want it to be your health or sanity. I've been there, and I got out. PM me if you want to talk one-on-one.

FelicityWasSanta Fri 11-Jan-13 08:49:34

I am in shock about how you 'DH' behaves. Absolutely vile.

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:50:13

I usually have all day to walk dog so don't have to do school pick up with her. Not an ideal walk for a dog I don't think!

I will be fine when normal service can resume but I'm guessing the other DCs will get this sickness bug and that will be next week gone too.

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 08:50:15

Well I don't think it is harsh because I think she needs to realise that carrying on like this and keeping the peace is not ok. For her or the kids. I know it very difficult but I truly believe that situations like this need change.

CailinDana Fri 11-Jan-13 08:51:15

"It's not very harmful" - oh well that's fine then. You can say "Yes I kept you in a harmful situation but it wasn't very harmful." Great. I don't see how you can possibly think children seeing their father treat their mother like shit isn't harmful. And them being used to you doing everything for them is not ok. You are teaching them what relationships are like - do you want your daughters to end up in marriages like yours? Or for your son(s) to treat their partners this way?

grumpyinthemorning Fri 11-Jan-13 08:51:20

BeckAndCall, explain to me how that's fair? Why should she do all the work during the week? He's a grown up, if he lived alone he'd have to man up and do it himself, no reason why he can't now.

ihearsounds Fri 11-Jan-13 08:51:49

Things can change today. You can cook one meal and tell him to deal with it.

Ask yourself this, are you honestly prepared to spend the rest of your life like this?

What happens when the dc's are back in school? You do everything and run a business and he does nothing? Before you do the business youneed to sort him out. If you are run down now, by the end of the year you will be signed off because of exhaustion, running a business is very hard.

What do you get from the relationship, because at the moment you have posted nothing that doesnt warrant him being rehomed.

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 08:52:30

Why can't you walk the dog on the school run?

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:52:40

It's not really harsh but I'd happily let somebody else sort it out because I can't see an easy answer.

I'm happy more or less with my life but at the moment I'm not. Yes my DC aren't babies but it's still tiring when you get a spare of them being ill.

whiteflame Fri 11-Jan-13 08:53:39

Well 6.30am-8pm is a very long day. I do half an hour less and am totally knackered by mid-week. That isn't to say your job isn't hard as well, but expecting him to take over in the evenings will be too much. Do his share certainly, but not take over the kids to give you a break, as suggested somewhere upthread.

Weekends are a different story. I would be telling him you need some time at the weekend too. You each get a morning/afternoon off, or whatever even split you both decide on. If he isn't cooperative, just do it anyway. Assuming he would look after his DC if he was the only one around.

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 08:54:24

But no-one else can sort it because you're the one enabling it and your dh has no reason to change it because he gets everything his own way. Your kids are relying on you.

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:57:26

How could he take over when he gets home with the DC if they are already asleep?

And to the poster who asked about walking dog on school run? I do occasionally but she adores children so tends to try and jump at them (we are working on that!) and I don't like the way schoolchildren all try and stroke a dog tied up at the schoolgates. It's overwhelming for them and I trust her but if some child inadvertently hurt her I don't know how she would react. I don't leave her alone with my children for the same reason.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 08:57:31

Whiteflame but would you turn your nose up at something from the slow cooker, or reheating the earlier meal that the kids had?

diddl Fri 11-Jan-13 08:58:46

Is he not at home "ill"?

So you can walk the dog?

Just get on & do stuff & let the twat moan!

Jesus I´m a SAHM-although mine are teens.

Sometimes my husband picks up shopping on the way home because the weather has been shit & I cba to go out on my bike.

If I´m ill I go to bed as soon as he walks in the door.

I recently went to UK for 2wks to see my ill father.

Leaving husband to walk the dog/work & look after the house.

He´s an adult-he found a way of coping!

BeckAndCall Fri 11-Jan-13 08:59:58

grumpy how it's fair is that he is busy all day! From 6.30 to 8pm he's just not there! On that basis, he's getting up to start the day at 5.30.

And if he were single and living alone, ere wouldn't be so much to do at home anyway, so all he'd have to do is cook a meal. Hence I suggest getting some ready meals in (or easy stuff at least) until the kids and OP are back mon an even keel.

As I said weekends are different.

And OP is not running a business at the moment - she's trying to start one and needs to think through, and talk through with DH, what priority they give that and how their input will change when that really takes off (good luck on that venture, OP)

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 09:00:42

No sorry he's at work not home. He just doesn't think he will be well enough to do anything at the weekend because he's too ill!

If he was home I would be walking the dog now!

atosilis Fri 11-Jan-13 09:00:51

Can you get a cleaner/ babysitter/ buy ready made M&S food? If he insists that YOU do all domestic duties then he is a controlling bully.

The children might be 'clashing' because they can't express their feelings at your situation and then lash out at each other. OTOH, they could just be children fighting....

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 09:02:36

I know what priority it has. Bottom priority (the business that is). I'm thwarted at every turn by him unfortunately. I need to find a way to keep everything else going so I can make a start on it for me. Otherwise 18 months of hard studying has all been in vain.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 11-Jan-13 09:03:58

My word. If this is 'much better' I hate to think what it was like before. I have no idea how or why you live with a 'man' like that, he's a nasty bully and the sad thing is, you are so conditioned to think it's normal that you can't even see how wrong it all is sad

If he's well enough to be at work he's well enough to get off his backside this weekend and pull his weight.

As for not cooking & wanting his dinner on the table. I can hear 1950 calling.

Whiteflame - that is utter bs. Plenty of parents do days that long and come home and do 'stuff'

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 09:04:25

Atosilis - no chance of that. Not now the child benefit has gone which was my only form of income. Exactly why I need to get some work!
Could be that of they could just be children fighting. Seems to be quite normal with friends children to be like that.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 11-Jan-13 09:05:30

Beck, my DP works similar hours (actual work hours shorter, but stupid travel time) and when he gets home he baths DS and puts him to bed. You know why? Because it gives me some wind down time and allows him to connect with DS. She's busy all day too, dealing with sick kids, keeping house (god I hate that phrase) and trying to get her business up and running. Marriage is meant to be a partnership.

What little he does, she might as well be a single mum...

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 11-Jan-13 09:07:10

You definitely need to get that business up and running.

Did he choose to be a parent? hmm I don't see a lot of parenting being done by him?

Start outsourcing housework, ironing, meals etc and spend time on the business.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 11-Jan-13 09:07:53

Why do you not have access to the family money?

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