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For just wanting my DC to go to school

(313 Posts)
cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 06:38:35

So the week before the Christmas hols I had youngest DC off school with D and V for week and middle DC got it for last 2 days of term. They were both ill on and off over Christmas. As was DH who spent most of the time "having naps". I came down with the same cold he had but obviously mine was nowhere near as bad ;)
So new term starts and I've had middle DC off with a throat infection, she finally starts to rally yesterday and I'm awake early this morning giddy at the thought of getting out of the house alone for the first day in a month.....with that youngest DC walked in and was sick.

AIBU to just want them back to school so I can actually get on with my life. I adore them, I truly do but FFS a month at home......!! DH thinks IBU and it's just one of those things. He's even suggested I rehome our dog as I haven't been able to walk her all week.

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:10:15

The cooking twice thing does drive me slightly potty!!

LoopsInHoops Fri 11-Jan-13 08:12:14

Twice? Oh god, for the kids too? Can they not have food from the night before reheated?

squeakytoy Fri 11-Jan-13 08:12:47

the slow cooker thing is a load of bollocks... he is being a nob. There is absolutely no difference to cooking something "slowly" on a low temp in the oven to putting in a slow cooker and doing it that way.. none at all!

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:14:40

I know it's a load of bollocks. But the sulking and complaining mean that I end up not eating my dinner (and after having an eating disorder a few years ago I can't deal with stress at mealtimes).

Easier to just pretend I don't use the slow cooker and hide it away in a cupboard.

ThalianotFailure Fri 11-Jan-13 08:17:20

checking the top of doors to see if you've dusted properly??? Excuse me?????? With every post you H sounds like an utter cunt. What exactly does he bring to your marriage and the family? What do you get out of this? I sincerely hope (though it's unlikely) that your DC don't pick up on how badly you are treated. You are not a skivvy, stop behaving like one and stop allowing him to treat you like one.

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 08:17:28

You do realise that given that you have kids you're bringing up any sons to think this is how they should treat their future wives and you're bringing up your daughter(s) - the one(s) you love and want to protect- to think this is how they deserve to be treated.

That's not right.

KhallDrogo Fri 11-Jan-13 08:18:18


Are you going to leave him?

grumpyinthemorning Fri 11-Jan-13 08:18:27

Dear god, where is your self respect? It's not your job to take care of him, you're a SAHM, not a maid or a chef. He's a grown man, he can bloody well take care of himself and pitch in with childcare. You have to tell him so, and if he still won't (and it is won't, not can't) then you should think very seriously about what kind of life you want for yourself and DCs.

Remember, children learn from example. Do you really want them to treat you, or their future partners, the same way? Or if daughters, to end up in the same situation?

ihearsounds Fri 11-Jan-13 08:19:32

ARe you a door mat, because in all honesty you spund like one.
Your husband needs to step up and take an active role as a parent. So what if he works long hours, what a pathetic excuse. Millions of parents work long hours and still have to do child related things..

You sound more like his mum. Your new year resolution should be to take charge and make him do stuff including use the microwave and heat up food. Yes you might be a sahm but this doesnt mean that you are a slave. you cook dinner and thats it, when he gets in he pops his on a plate and pops in microwave. If he doesnt want to do this well he goes without,

And booohoo he has man flu. I bet when your ill he still does feck all. He should be ashamed of himself.

TanteRose Fri 11-Jan-13 08:19:38

"sulking and complaining" shock shock

I would just stop cooking for him, full stop, that is unbelievable

Tee2072 Fri 11-Jan-13 08:20:47

Sounds to me like he doesn't want your business to succeed.

What do you get out of this relationship other than another child?

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:25:54

I will admit to one day over Xmas feeling so ill, run down and with the virus, that I went to bed for the afternoon to try and sleep. I had the DC running in and out all the time and still had to get up to do bath and bedtime. But according to him "I had my rest then".

I can usually cope. But with the DC continually ill I can't get straight or sorted, can't do anything for me and it's tiring.

LoopsInHoops Fri 11-Jan-13 08:29:08

Come on woman, seriously. This is not OK.

grumpyinthemorning Fri 11-Jan-13 08:31:11

Stop looking after him. No meals, no clothes washed, nothing. When he complains (as I assume he will, rather than fix it himself) tell him you are a SAHM and those *points are your children. He is not. He sounds like a bright bloke, I'm sure he can figure out the rest.

CailinDana Fri 11-Jan-13 08:31:44

You've accepted this for yourself, fine, but now you're accepting it for your children. You can see the effect it has on your 6 year old. They will not thank you for making them live like this when they are older.

atosilis Fri 11-Jan-13 08:34:06

How old are your children? Do you live near family or friends? He sounds a cold, cold man.

LIZS Fri 11-Jan-13 08:37:07

Cook things that can stay warm in oven or slow cooker , like a casserole, bolognese or pasta bake, jacket spud. Otherwise he gets to walk dog while you do his dinner. How old are dc , could eldest walk dog round the block ?

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:41:55

Eldest is technically old enough to walk dog. But when she gets home just before 5 it is dark and we don't have streetlights here. She won't look after the others as her and middle DC clash badly at the moment. I wouldn't feel ok with leaving them for longer than a few minutes! More excuses I know. But tbh I'm doing anything to cut down on stress at the moment.

Family here? No. My DM doesn't do helping out. Friends - lots of lovely ones (mine!) but unfortunately mostly working so not around much.

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 08:43:05

You just keep posting more and more examples of how he is unreasonable and how tired you are but you don't listen when people say you COULD change your situation if you wanted to.

More to the point you aren't listening when we are telling you that YOU are bringing your kids up in a harmful environment - I couldn't have that on my conscience no matter how hard changing things might be or how much my husband might sulk. You must have very different priorities to me. hmm

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:45:45

I have spent years changing things and they were working better. But until my DC are back at school I'm struggling to keep my plates spinning.

I am listening. I know how to change things but it's not going to happen overnight. My priorities are very much my children, otherwise I wouldn't be watching cbeebies with a small child right now!!

ThalianotFailure Fri 11-Jan-13 08:46:42

you are not engaging with comments about your H at all. You seem to be in complete denial about your marriage and family life, provided excuse after excuse for his appalling behaviour. You MUST sort this out, for yourself and for your children - you cannot allow them to grow up thinking any of this is right. Your H is obviously an arse, which he should be kicked out on TBH, but YOU are enabling him.

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 08:47:05

Then you need to look after yourself so you can look after them and you need to leave your dh to his own devices. End of.

ThalianotFailure Fri 11-Jan-13 08:47:48

why do you think YOU have to change things? Your H clearly doesn't think he has to change, and it's very unlikely that he will. Everything you say is about the effort YOU have to make, nothing about what HE should do.

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:47:51

And tbh it's not very harmful because he isn't here much during the week when they are awake and we all function fine at weekends. They are used to me doing everything for them, that's normal for them. To them that's my job.

Their job IMO is to go to school!!!

expatinscotland Fri 11-Jan-13 08:48:03

You are not going to get 'help' or a 'day off' because you chose to live with an abusive person.

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