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For just wanting my DC to go to school

(313 Posts)
cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 06:38:35

So the week before the Christmas hols I had youngest DC off school with D and V for week and middle DC got it for last 2 days of term. They were both ill on and off over Christmas. As was DH who spent most of the time "having naps". I came down with the same cold he had but obviously mine was nowhere near as bad ;)
So new term starts and I've had middle DC off with a throat infection, she finally starts to rally yesterday and I'm awake early this morning giddy at the thought of getting out of the house alone for the first day in a month.....with that youngest DC walked in and was sick.

AIBU to just want them back to school so I can actually get on with my life. I adore them, I truly do but FFS a month at home......!! DH thinks IBU and it's just one of those things. He's even suggested I rehome our dog as I haven't been able to walk her all week.

TanteRose Fri 11-Jan-13 07:49:26

your Dh couldn't cook dinner? why, what on earth is wrong with him? confused

Shesparkles Fri 11-Jan-13 07:49:52

I think your dog is an excellent judge of character!

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 07:50:38

I guess he's tired when he gets home from work and technically it's my job as a SAHM isn't it?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 07:50:53


Your situation is unacceptable. Have you asked DH why he thinks it's acceptable for him to get so much more out of the marriage than you?

BeaWheesht Fri 11-Jan-13 07:51:11

Sorry but that won't happen? See tbh I'm losing sympathy because there is NO reason why not - stop enabling h to treat you like dirt or else don't moan about it.

TanteRose Fri 11-Jan-13 07:52:08

"surely one of the things about having one parent SAH is so that when children are sick the other can still go to work"

hmm yes, but OP works too.

and in any case, if you have two DCs ill at the same time, it can sometimes be physically impossible to take care of them both. My DH used to take a day off/come home early if we had a particularly nasty virus/bug in residence.

its called being a parent

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 07:52:11

Shesparkles - yes indeed. She's really very smart and tbh by 8pm she's usually fast asleep and can't imagine her rousing herself to go out in the dark and cold. She's a bit of a snuggle by the fire and doze dog!

Sokmonsta Fri 11-Jan-13 07:52:51

Your dh is being unreasonable. What he and you are forgetting is you are working too. Albeit from home. Ok yes, I see the point that you are at home so it doesn't make sense for dh to take time off as well. But he should pull his finger out as soon as he gets in and muck in with his family. I think it's crap that some people expect wind down time when they get home from work or whatever when the sahp doesn't get that. They just have to carry on. The very least he could do is get the dc bathed/ready for bed etc. Invest in a slow cooker so you can bung everything in for a one pot meal in the morning, go for a walk with the dog as soon as he gets in and tell him the children need to be out to bed before you get home. It gives the dog a walk, him some time with the dc and you some time on your own to gather yourself ready for the next onslaught. If you carry on as you are doing you are only enabling him to not pull his weight as a husband and father, which will only lead to long term resentment.

natwebb79 Fri 11-Jan-13 07:53:51

DH could cook dinner? Or eat microwave food? Sorry but that won't happen.

Erm, he'll have to hungry then, won't he?! Seriously, I think it's probably time to just stop letting him get away with being such an entitled child. You're not his bloody mother. If you just carry on as you are then of course he'll carry on the same way and you'll never get your business up and running.

Really hope you all get better soon.

TanteRose Fri 11-Jan-13 07:54:20

what would happen if you gave him a ready-meal every now and again?

if all that means, is that he has a bit of moan, then so be it.

if he goes off on one, then you have a problem

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 07:55:05

OK, let's say SAHM is your job.

Your job has had some extra tasks in it recently ie the kids being ill. You are therefore unable to do all your usual tasks of dog walking and dinner cooking.

Since there are two tasks left over at the end of your working day and of DH's working day, logic says that you should do one each.

LifeofPo Fri 11-Jan-13 07:56:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 07:57:22

He won't put youngest to bed. She's 6, he's done it maybe 10 times at the most (never counted but that's prob generous!). He refuses, if I insist she ends up crying because he's so cold to her. If I go out and leave him to it she will be awake crying when I get home.

The slow cooker for meals thing only works if I take it out of the slow cooker, put it in a casserole dish and put it in the oven and pretend I cooked it like that. He can taste the difference apparently (although clearly he can't!!!).

I sound like I'm making excuses. I'm not. I've lived like this for years and I can usually cope. I just need a day off!!!

wordfactory Fri 11-Jan-13 07:58:04

I thinnk your DH has little respect for you OP. He thinks because you are a SAHM that it excuses him from all domestic and fAmilial responsibilities. This is sadly a common problem. You must either sit him down and explain the situation in terms he understands...sadly your thread is just one of many many of women being treated like this.

TanteRose Fri 11-Jan-13 07:58:33


TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 07:59:59

The slow cooker thing is very controlling.

me23 Fri 11-Jan-13 08:00:18

I remember seeing some of your other threads. You are not in an equal relationship by yor own admission your dh is an emotionally abusive. He will not help you ever. I'm sorry for what you are going through and wonder how much longer you will put up with it.

LifeofPo Fri 11-Jan-13 08:00:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 08:00:50

Do you go to his work and tell him you can tell the difference between his numbers added up on a calculator or in a spreadsheet?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 11-Jan-13 08:04:24

The clue is in the name 'SAH Mum' not 'servant'.

I actually can't believe you let him treat you like this.

StanleyLambchop Fri 11-Jan-13 08:05:22

So your 'lovely' DH :

1) Won't help you look after the children
2) Is so cold to your DD at bedtime that he makes her cry sad
3) Won't take the dog out for a walk
4) Insists on a cooked meal when he comes in, but won't even allow a 'slow cooker' meal, as if that is somehow not proper food?

WTF are you doing with this man? You are his servant, not his wife. Being cold to his child is just indefensible. You choose to put up with this treatment, don't make your DD have to put up with that. Please put your foot down, this is really not a good marriage.

cathkidstonbag Fri 11-Jan-13 08:06:14

I just keep plodding on with it. Things have slowly got better over the years (he doesn't check the tops of door frames for dust to see if I've cleaned properly anymore!). And tbh I get a perverse kind of amusement from listening to him rave about the "casserole" dinner and how it tastes different to slow cooked.

I do love being a SAHM but I just want a few minutes a day to actually do something other than wiping noses, administering antibiotics and getting snacks!

GreatUncleEddie Fri 11-Jan-13 08:07:47

I am SAHM and our boys are at school. I cook one meal and eat with the boys at six. DH gets home after seven and "follows the clues" in the kitchen. Ie he cooks his meat and reheats the veg, or cooks it all, or reheats if it is a one pot dish. Last night he cooked a stir fry, I had already chopped the veg and made the sauce. The night before he reheated a pasta dish. Tonight I am going out. I will either buy pizza or he will probably make myself an omelette.

This to us is normal. I am not a slave, I am not his mother and I am not bloody well cooking twice! He has never once had a problem with it. And in case your DH has convinced you that he is too senior and important to do this and it is your duty to do it, my DH is out of the house 7.30-7.30 and earns 180k.

GreatUncleEddie Fri 11-Jan-13 08:08:55

myself himself, obviously!

LoopsInHoops Fri 11-Jan-13 08:09:18

Oh dear.

This sounds seriously unhealthy to me. Really. RE-read your last post re casserole dish. He has no respect for you and thinks you are there to serve him. He may well earn money but he is a shit husband and a shit father. Dos money mean that much to you? I couldn't live like that. I'd be out of there.

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