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regarding in-laws and holidays?

(11 Posts)
ReluctantDaughterInLaw Fri 11-Jan-13 01:06:17

In-laws live very far away in a place with a hot climate year round. They haven't visited us across 2 house moves and 2 children. This has left OH feeling quite hurt as they have visited his sister three times in this time and she lives equally far away.
Even more annoyingly for him, they talk about coming but the plans have been clearly never real at all, they just didn't want to tell him they weren't coming.

We've been to see them and we Skype fairly regularly.
Anyway, it seems like this year they might really come (eeek...but at least nice for him.). We suggested they come in July or August as our daughter will be on school holidays then so we could all take time off together.

They told us at the weekend that they don't want to be here in full summer so might come in May or June. THey also want to be at home for Ramadan which is fair enough - rules out July and first week of August. MIL seemed a bit tentative about it and I assured her that it was great whenever time she came but we wouldn't have time off in May and June.
Two reasons we won't have time off in May/June are: 1. I don't want to take our daughter out of school during term for a holiday. 2. She will be plugged into summer camps for most of her school holidays and will be changing school this year so I really feel that I would like to take our holiday (and we have v. limited holiday to take) at the end of August so we have time off together to prepare for the new school year

That's reasonable, right?

(I am secretly hoping to visit my family in the time off at the end of August...we have just seen them over Christmas and we saw them last summer too...this is kind of why I want to reassure myself that the other stuff is reasonable in case I am accused of only taking the holidays then so we can see my folk!)

humblebumble Fri 11-Jan-13 01:17:24

If they come and see you, why do you have to take holidays? How long would they come for? How old is your daughter?

ReluctantDaughterInLaw Fri 11-Jan-13 01:22:08

If they come and see us, they won't see that much of the grandchildren (daughter is nearly 5, son is 2) as we'll both be at work and they will be in daycare. We wouldn't (and OH agrees) think it is a good idea to leave them in charge of the kids for the day on their own.

I do finish work at 3ish to pick daughter up from school so we'd have afternoon/evenings together.

They would probably come for 3 to 6 weeks...OH thinks longer but based on their visits to his sister, I think, for his dad at least, shorter is more likely. Say a month! (eeek!)

solittletimeandsomuchtodo Fri 11-Jan-13 01:26:55

If they ar staying that long those timings (afternoon/evenings) are perfect.
Mornings to chill /recover etc and more quality time.
Plan some nice things to do on weekends.
I'm thinking they probably won't come anyone(?)

humblebumble Fri 11-Jan-13 01:30:12

Do you live in the Middle East?

I think keep your children in their routine and they can fit in around it. You weren't planning on taking 3-6 weeks off anyway? Obviously you could go away on the weekends with them if you felt you had to treat them? Or they could come to you and go away on their own holiday for a week and then come back and see you. It sounds like you see quite a lot of them anyway.

ReluctantDaughterInLaw Fri 11-Jan-13 01:30:29

ooh, solittletime - glad you think it sounds like they'll have enough time with them. I feel a bit bad (but also relieved that I have watertight excuses..I think) that I don't want to take the time off to make the most of it all.

We'd certainly plan stuff for the weekends.

I really didn't believe they'd come up to the conversation at the weekend which did seem a bit more solid than any previous ones. Seemed like they'd given the dates and times some thought.

DSM Fri 11-Jan-13 01:32:08

Surely you wouldn't be taking the entire time off anyway? When relatives come to visit for more than a few days I would have thought it normal practice to continue your every day lives, and them to fit in around it. Presumably they would be able to (and want to) amuse themselves until 3pm every day.

ReluctantDaughterInLaw Fri 11-Jan-13 01:33:48

humblebumble - not Middle East (being vague as don't want to out myself) but about 23 hours travel time away from us.

yes, we wouldn't be taking 3-6 weeks off - we don't have that kind of holiday time anyway.
I don't think they'd have the drive to go off on holiday on their own. When MIL visited for our wedding when we were in London, she barely left the apartment on her own even though she had previously lived in London.

We don't see much of them, apart from once a week or so on Skype - last time we saw them was when we travelled to see them in 2010. And we saw them also when we travelled to them in 07, 08 and 09.

(the other visits I was talking about were my side of the family)

ReluctantDaughterInLaw Fri 11-Jan-13 01:37:26

When my mum came to visit for a couple of weeks, I only took 1 day off from work so, yes, I guess it's not unreasonable to continue with life.
I guess it's just 'cause it's such a big deal as they haven't visited us before.

My mum did take DD out for an afternoon on her own too but she wasn't in school then, just daycare.
I don't even know if they would want to take the kids out on their own, actually - they loved playing with them here and there when we visited but never offered to babysit or do bathtime or anything like that.

DexysMidnightMummers Fri 11-Jan-13 01:41:58

they live abroad?

so if they a coming for two weeks would it make any real differernce to you and your dp?

ReluctantDaughterInLaw Fri 11-Jan-13 01:47:34

Yes, the live very far abroad, Dexy.

Not sure what you mean by them coming for 2 weeks making a "real difference"?
It would mean a lot to DH to have them here to see the life he's making for himself.
It'd be nice for the DCs to get to know their grandparents a bit.

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