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To get a bit offended by these women? Baby bump related...

(41 Posts)
spg1983 Thu 10-Jan-13 22:55:56

I spoke to some friends of DH last night - I have known them for a while but am not that close to them. Anyway, I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my first and so far my bump has been quite small and "neat", i.e. I only look like I've put weight on at the front and nowhere else. Anyway, in the last 3-4 weeks, my bump has got huge, it's measuring big for dates but is still quite compact so actually looks pretty ridiculous, like I've swallowed a bowling ball!

I used to be a dance teacher so have got quite strong tummy muscles so I think that's maybe why the bump is that shape, or maybe it's just nature, I don't know. I'm happy to laugh along with people who think it looks funny and have been quite laid-back about it.

Anyway, when I spoke to these ladies, their comments were "oh dear, you're really never going to manage to get that baby out, you'll have lots of pain and trouble giving birth, you may as well ask for a c-section cos that's never coming out naturally, you'll get ripped to bits even trying" etc. I have nothing against a c-section and if that's what it takes then so be it but these comments just seemed really unnecessary and mean and designed to worry me. AIBU to be annoyed (and worried now)?

Purpleprickles Thu 10-Jan-13 22:59:44

Ignore them. From what I've seen in friends and myself bump size has very little relation to the size of your baby and the difficulty of your birth. They are just being thoughtless or mean.

HollyTheHedgehog Thu 10-Jan-13 23:01:20

What ladies?

twinklesparkles Thu 10-Jan-13 23:01:32

Hugs for you

I'm 27 weeks and huge also, just from the front only. Also look like I'm expecting to give birth to a beach ball

The looks ive had off people when I say I'm only 27 weeks .. It amazes me how people can be so shocked or even bothered

I just try and ignore them now as I've been quite round for a while.

Also the amount of people who have just looked at me and shouted "BOY!!" ... No hello, or previous conversation. Just pointing at my bump shouting boy.. Not even people I know lol

Its a girl...

You've not got long left now, just try and ignore it and enjoy the last few weeks smile

spg1983 Thu 10-Jan-13 23:04:10

Thanks smile

holly some friends of my DH. Must've missed it out of the OP - sorry!

raffle Thu 10-Jan-13 23:04:22

Gosh, I thought this was going to be another person offended by strangers rubbing their bump, or making "are you sure it's not twins?" comments.
I usually think these people are very sensitive and taking offence where none is intended. However, those comments are bloody thoughtless and cruel.
Ignore them.

larks35 Thu 10-Jan-13 23:05:16

YANBU. Their comments are weird at best! WTF do they know about pregnancy shape and baby size etc.? OK, if they were midwives I would be worried but as they're not (assumption based on the fact that midwives would use a lot more tact) I would just think that they were being weird and rude.

maddening Thu 10-Jan-13 23:05:23

I had a ridiculous bump and an umbilical hernia and badly damaged tummy muscles - be proud of your beautiful bump and I bet you'll be one of those who is back in their old jeans within a week due to your strong tummy muscles smile

And it isn't the size of the bump that matters smile

Hope you have a happy healthy birth smile

DoJo Thu 10-Jan-13 23:05:27

People love to make birth sound as though it's always dramatic and horrific, but even the experts can't predict what kind of birth anyone is actually going to have! I know someone who had a tiny baby (less that 5 pounds) by caesarian and several who have managed to give birth to 10lb+ babies in a couple of hours without a single stitch. They probably thought they were being helpful by being 'honest', but unless any of them have any qualifications then they are really only telling you what you already know - giving birth is generally pretty painful and sometimes intervention is needed, no matter how big your bump!

rhondajean Thu 10-Jan-13 23:05:55

If its any consolation, strong tummy muscles help in labour usually and they help you ping back into shape.

They're probably just jealous!

marceline Thu 10-Jan-13 23:06:41

Well that sounds like completely unnecessary, ill informed and unhelpful rubbish. I would have been offended too! Pregnancy is scary enough as it is and if you're anything like me you're probably panicking about all sorts of things without any extra encouragement! The fact is your bump is full of a lot of other stuff apart from the baby, and your body is pretty good at doing what it needs to do. Ignore the fools! And best of luck.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 10-Jan-13 23:32:51

Well yes, they are being obnoxious and insensitive. Yanbu. Do not worry at all about what they say. I looked as you describe with my first, she was 9lb 7.5oz and I had a very easy, unassisted birth with a minuscule tear so absolutely tiny that the midwife only popped 1 or 2 stitches in ( because I requested that she did). A HUGE BUMP in no way equals a bad birth smile

Lyrasilvertongued Thu 10-Jan-13 23:40:29

This is the worst bit about pregnancy - the horror stories that people seem to think they can tell you about what you're going to have to face at the end! Everyone knows it has to come out, we're just praying for it to be as easy and painless as possible, and nobody likes to hear about the agonising bits! Bumps are no indication of type of labour whatsoever. Fingers crossed you have an easy and problem free one!

Catchingmockingbirds Fri 11-Jan-13 00:14:24

I was MASSIVE with Dc1, but the birth was fine and I didn't need any stitches. He turned out to be a very small baby too and had to wear the 'tiny baby' clothes for the first few weeks. My stomach went back down fine afterwards too so it wasn't just lots of fat - must have been all waters. Don't listen to those ladies, they're probably just jealous that you're only big at the front. With this pg for dc2 my thighs, arse, boobs and sides are all bigger too blush.

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Jan-13 00:16:56

Ridiculous isn't it?

Unless they know the size of your fanjo and pelvic bones, I'd tell them to STFU.

piprabbit Fri 11-Jan-13 00:20:05

Hi OP - they don't sound like very kind or thoughtful people. Just ignore them, they know nothing about you, your baby, your pregnancy and nor are they able to look into the their crystal balls to predict the future.

And I think that Holly was implying that you were being very polite and kind to call them ladies, when they don't appear to be acting like ladies.

pebblesandbamm Fri 11-Jan-13 00:22:24

Ignore the horror stories.

My bumps were both monstrous - people were like "OMG! How are you going to do that?"
I'm a size 8/10 and my first baby was 9lb13 and was delivered naturally. Your body just does the job and it sounds like you're the type of person who'll walk out of hospital wearing your pre-pregnancy jeans!

I agree - it's jealousy and total insensitivity on their part.

Softlysoftly Fri 11-Jan-13 00:28:15

They sound horrible why is it everyone seems to get "your bump is too big/small" I wonder if anyone has ever had the perfect sized shaped bump, probably not because people do love their unnecessary comments. ...

FWIW I've been huge both times both times baby has been average to small so it's no indication. 1 labour was not great 1 I slept through most of it, hypnobirthing far too relaxed. So you just never know most likely you'll be fine!

splashymcsplash Fri 11-Jan-13 00:44:57

Bump size has very little to do with baby size.

Kytti Fri 11-Jan-13 03:00:58

I used to get fed up with "ooh - you'd best be careful there's not two in there." I'd reply, "I hope there are I'm having twins." Because I was. FFS - some people don't half piss you off. YANBU. They should mind their own business.

FergusSingsTheBlues Fri 11-Jan-13 03:08:37

It doesnt matter what other people think, but I dont pass comment on others, dont understand why ones body becomes public property!
On the other hand, My consultant told me today that i had a particularly beautifully shaped bump preens

LibraryMum8 Fri 11-Jan-13 03:43:48

One word of advice: If they start talking this way again, tell them you don't want to hear it. If they continue, get up and leave. I had to do that at work when Childless!! Women were telling me horror stories.

Dh got so angry he told me to tell them to shut it & if they started again to get up and walk out. I told her, she didn't shut it, I got up and walked away. She was so gobsmacked she didn't do it again!

And by the way I was very 'compact' when pregnant as well. My nurse never saw anything like it! Well let me tell you, two days after I had ds I was wearing prepregnancy clothes!! I just popped back!!

You will be fine. Be firm and tell them to shut it. I wasn't worried about being polite. They sure weren't polite to me!

MammaTJ Fri 11-Jan-13 04:04:43

YANBU! I am a large lady, the doctor, who should know better, told me I would have no trouble pushing a big baby out. I told him that under all this fat is a delicate bone structure. I am not big boned. I ended up with an EMCS for my 10lb 5 oz baby.

You, on the other hand, will probably have no trouble at all!!!

OddFrog Fri 11-Jan-13 04:33:15

Just to share a positive story - my dd's birth was wonderful. Genuinely not at all painful, although it was damned hard work! 5 cm before i knew what was happening and then a lovely labour in a wee pool at home, with a gentle birth after a few hours. It can and does happen and birth is not inevitably painful and horrific. I appreciate I was very fortunate, but if it can be like that for me, it could for anyone.

Don't listen to these women or any horror stories. YY to telling them to shut it or leaving the room.

You'll be just fine, whatever the size or shape of your bump.

YorkshireDeb Fri 11-Jan-13 05:28:25

YANBU. I think the response you were looking for was "fuck you!" How dare they say such horrific stuff to a pregnant woman. You will be fine - lady bits are very stretchy! X

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