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To be absolutely mortified?

(50 Posts)
WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:10:02

So I'm 24 with no kids and no plans of having them anytime soon. Due to losing a friend to childbirth and having family members who had ongoing problems after having children, I became very interested in childbirth- both natural and c section.

I'm now a childbirth activist and I feel strongly that it's a feminist issue.

Now, the thing is I'm quite regular on several Facebook and twitter groups which are about childbirth. This may sound stupid but until now I had no clue that friends could see in their newsfeed when I post in those groups(which is quite often). A couple of friends mentioned it today and that's how I found out.

For some reason, I'm mortified. I feel so exposed!! I know I have a right to my opinions and it's a Good cause, but I just didn't want everyone to know how involved I am with childbirth.

Most of my friends aren't interested in this at all and wouldn't understand my level of involvement with it. I'm just feeling embarrassed, and I'm so surprised at this reaction. I feel like they're all going to think what's a girl with no kids doing all over childbirth pages?

I'm even more mortified at how odd my male friends probably think I am.

I'm sounding like a teenager, I'm sure, but please tell me honestly if I'm being stupid.

pollyblue Wed 09-Jan-13 22:37:23

x posted with OP

In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention.

ah ok smile i was worrying unduly

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:38:54

I'm actually trying to raise awareness about how damaging the misinformation spread by agenda pushers can be. It's all about sharing evidence.

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 22:46:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook Wed 09-Jan-13 22:53:06

Oh yes. I've made that mistake in my early fb days. But I wrote on...Mr Tumble's page thanking him for entertaining dd during the weekends in the morning. This is why I hate Facebook. You never know when they change their settings again.

I have two groups that I overshare with. Both are private groups! grin

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 23:02:38

Yes, when I fund raise I just go ask for money TSC. I don't give details about the hospice itself, what it does and how it can benefit the local community. Just a big pot with "give me money" on it. hmm. Being an advocate means to speak, plead or argue in favour of, or to support. What is a fundraiser if not this? <pats thesaurus>

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 23:03:13

Yeah, these are private too, so nobody can read the posts, but the activity still shows up!




WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 23:04:30

Whale music births!! Hehehe.

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 23:11:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody Wed 09-Jan-13 23:13:27

Hi op, not sure what a child birth activist is but hope its someone who could represent ALL pregnant women in their choices.

You sound very sensible and good on you for caring.

Why would you feel bad at people knowing what you do? Any male obstetricians are the same as you, have never given birth but I think you probably will at some time, unlike these experts who never will.

SolomanDaisy Wed 09-Jan-13 23:13:27

If you're an activist wanting to raise awareness of your anti- agenda agenda, shouldn't you be pleased people are seeing your activity?

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 23:15:13

Sorry, I didn't realise I needed a medical degree to support a local charity. I better inform the hospice immediately, they will no doubt want to refer me for further training.

Wonder what part of medical school covers nice home like environments for those in their finals days and the benefits of having a garden and volunteers to make tea for relatives.....

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 23:19:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 23:26:17

Not bigging myself up. Simply drawing your attention to the fact that you know nothing about the group to which OP refers other than what she has posted here, you implied she was advising women to refuse medical advise on favour of whale music based birth plans.

There is a big difference between "an untrained voice" on the internet and a group aiming to give "evidence based information. In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention."

Your first post seemed to assume much about the OP, some of which was contradictory to her original post. She has been affected by this issue, she lost a friend through childbirth. My point in return was that I to have no experience of an issue I support, doesn't mean I'd be better suited to animal rights. I would quote you, but it seems to have been deleted.

squeakytoy Wed 09-Jan-13 23:29:42

"If you're an activist wanting to raise awareness of your anti- agenda agenda, shouldn't you be pleased people are seeing your activity?"

I was thinking exactly the same thing!! grin

MammaTJ Wed 09-Jan-13 23:41:18

One of my friends set up a group to go and have brows soothed when they want to correct the spelling and grammar on their friends statuses. I pointed out very quickly that all their friends would see it on their news feed.

She changed the group to private with immediate effect.

I belong to one lovely private group that I feel I can post in honestly and openly. I also belong to a group to do with my DSs ptosis (damage to the nerve and muscle to the eyelid) and every time I post in there it seems someone messages me with 'useful' advice about 'lazy eye' which ptosis is not!! They haven;t a clue but persist in giving me false information. I messaged the group admin to ask them to make it private and they have yet to do so. I shall not be posting until they do.

Cabrinha Wed 09-Jan-13 23:58:49

Hmmmm. Well the answer is obviously to have two fb accounts. But if this is something you want to raise awareness for, then why not show if?

Tbh though, I also find myself uncomfortable at the idea of "childbirth activist" and hope that you AREN'T following some agenda - perhaps unwittingly. The fact you want to hide what you do makes me wonder.

WantsToBeFree Thu 10-Jan-13 00:07:27

Oh gosh, the presumptions are getting too much.

I'm not wanting to hide. Activist was the wrong word to use- I'm just a supporter of childbirth rights and awareness. I want women to have evidence based information on all forms of delivery- elective c sections, hospital birth, epidural birth, home birth, VBAC.... and I want them to make informed decisions about what works best for them. I want them to have the right and the space to make that choice and then have it respected.

Now this doesn't mean I'm going to tell a woman to deliver her triplets under a tree or to eat her placenta. That's the kind of nonsense we warn against.

Loveweekends10 Thu 10-Jan-13 06:51:56

If you are an especially active, vigorous advocate of a cause - then you are an activist.
I'm not sure what rights and information you inform women of but as a nurse I believe women having more information is a good thing.
I just hope your facts and information are up to date, current, based upon viable research.
As for Facebook as others have said. You are an activist why would you not want every opportunity to spread your message?

WantsToBeFree Thu 10-Jan-13 08:05:14

I see your point, and I agree. It's just that most of my social circle is culturally so different ....I feel like I'm probably being ridiculed behind my back. Mt friends are still in that student phase- they won't get why I'm so into this cause.

I've thought about the two accounts would be very messy and inconvenient for me, but I may well have to do that.

MoetEtPantsOn Thu 10-Jan-13 08:13:38

I have two accounts - one for sellng stuff in my local selling group. My Mum got offended that I was on-selling a dress she had bought DD. it's quite handy. I leave one logged on on phone and the other logged on on laptop to save switching.

hackmum Thu 10-Jan-13 08:19:34

If it helps, OP, I do understand where you're coming from. I have my private views on some things, things I feel quite strongly about, that I wouldn't express to certain real life friends because it would hurt their feelings. I can understand why you feel embarrassed about your activity even though objectively there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

There doesn't seem to be an answer, unfortunately, apart from the separate accounts thing.

sunnysunnyshine Thu 10-Jan-13 08:27:19

Yanbu to be a bit embarrassed. Maybe mortified is a bit ott tho.

Rightly or wrongly people may judge or think its a bit odd (your interest in childbirth as you don't have children). Obviously those who know your background will understand. I'm NOT saying what's right or wrong but I just know what fb is like for judging...

YorkshireDeb Thu 10-Jan-13 08:27:52

Whilst I don't understand why you would want this particular fact about yourself hidden YANBU for wanting some control over which aspects of your life are splashed across facebook for all to see. I discovered a male colleague of mine is gay when I spotted comments he's posted about not kicking a particular rugby star out of bed! He had no idea this was being posted on everyone's wall. x

Lonelybunny Thu 10-Jan-13 08:32:37

This happened to a friend of mine. , she thought she was writing a comment on talk sport page and it automatically did it thru Facebook then everyone could see it and it was a very private issue ! She managed to get talk sport to remove it but took 8 hours . She was truly mortified and very upset about itsad

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