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To feel its a cheek to text for my nanny's number knowing she will be asking her to pick up her kid

(105 Posts)
sorryimlateagain Wed 09-Jan-13 18:09:43

I got a text today from another mum at the school just before pick-up time just saying 'can you send me 'your nanny's' number'. Last year she constantly called my nanny to collect and look her child from school on a particularly day of the week because she was on a course. Surely she should arrange and pay for her own Childcare rather than use someone else's. She didn't bother asking me if was ok. My nanny also felt 'abused'. Not sure how to handle it either. Wouldn't mind so much if she asked and it was an occasional thing but... She's obviously lost the number. So far not answered cos I was in a meeting. AIBU?

DontmindifIdo Wed 09-Jan-13 20:41:26

BTW - I reguarly see and get on with one of my friend's nanny. We include her in a lot with the other 'mum friends' because our DCs get on and she's often at the same toddler groups, so for instance, if we are going for a coffee afterwards we'll invite her too, one of our group does see the nanny a lot outside of her work hours and they are now friends. Amongst the friends themselves, I'd think nothing of asking one of them for a favour and I'd do it for them, so it's easy if a nanny becomes to be seen like one of the SAHMs in a group for them tto have boundaries crossed because their role as 'employee' is less clear to an outsider.

DeWe Wed 09-Jan-13 21:19:58

Say you can't give out your nanny's number without her permission. Tell your nanny to, if she asks, say that unfortunately she can't as she's discovered picking up another child causes her insurance to be invalidated.

GailTheGoldfish Wed 09-Jan-13 22:03:07

Maybe it's the Terrible Cunt Mum from that thread last year....

HorraceTheOtter Wed 09-Jan-13 22:12:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GailTheGoldfish Wed 09-Jan-13 22:18:20

I think it got deleted in the end didn't it Horace? Shame, it was a doozy!

KoalaTale Wed 09-Jan-13 22:20:23

Yanbu, I'd politely tell her that your nanny is not available. Perhaps say that you haven't had a chance to ask your nanny if she minds you giving her number out, but can you pass on a message? Then if she asks for a favour, say sorry but you're paying your nanny for 121 time with dc so she won't be able to help.

DeafLeopard Wed 09-Jan-13 22:26:25

YY Horace and Gail

HorraceTheOtter Wed 09-Jan-13 22:33:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sorryimlateagain Wed 09-Jan-13 22:35:20

Bubblegum - can see your point. Its awkward cos I'm friendly with her and my DCs are friends and have play dates. So it's treading that fine line. Did tell her straight when happened last year but she is just that sort of person who doesn't understand what shes doing. Nobody minds helping out occasionally but it gets out of hand with her. What p'd me off especially today was the way it was asked for. My nanny is too nice to say no. Last time I told to ignore calls from her. Gonna have to do the same again. Just hate being put in this position but glad to hear INBU!!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 09-Jan-13 22:41:50

When my nanny helps out a friend of mine with some last-minute childcare, she always gets flowers, chocolates or something as a thank you. One time she got a £20 M&S voucher. And these are for one-offs, not a weekly thing at all. The nannies themselves trade play dates and favours of course too.

Your friend is being a cheeky grabby cow.

Toughasoldboots Wed 09-Jan-13 22:42:29

Knock it on the head for once and all.

lisianthus Thu 10-Jan-13 05:14:40

You know if you giver her your nanny's number, it will look to your nanny as if you are fine with the request- she may even phrase it to look like that i.e. "OP gave me your number so I could find out if you are OK to do X, Y and Z for me". Don't put your nanny in that position- just tell the asker that it isn't OK.

Stinkyminkymoo Thu 10-Jan-13 09:28:48

Hang on, am I missing something?

You employ a nanny so I assume you pay your nanny. This woman then has latched onto your nanny for free child care?

Unbelievable! Tell her to fuck off do one!

DeafLeopard Thu 10-Jan-13 09:30:47

But you wouldn't expect to call a friend at work and get her to come to your work and do your job for you whilst her employer pays her wage, which is essentially what your "friend" is expecting your nanny to do.

LifeofPo Thu 10-Jan-13 09:37:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 09:58:38

Text your 'friend' saying to be clear, you've told your nanny you consider it to be a sackable offence to be looking after other people's children on the time you are paying her without your permission, but obviously if she wants to take on additional paid work outside of her work hours with you that's fine. Tell your nanny you have done this, tell her not to panic, you won't actually fire her if she helps someone out in a crisis, but it's so she has an excuse to say no to this person. If you're not careful, your nanny will have enough of being messed about like this and look for another job working for a family who treat her as a professional - it's in your best interest to stamp on this.

You can tell your free-loading friend that you had to do this because other people were taking the piss and that you had to do somehting because you were paying for a 1-2-1 service for your DCs and not getting it. Try having a bit of a rant about these "freeloaders"...

holidaysarenice Thu 10-Jan-13 15:14:56

I think it needs to be clear to your nanny as well that yes you will bollocks her if she agrees to this! She may complain about the other woman asking but depending on dc's ages it could be making her day easier as children entertain each other!!

sorryimlateagain Thu 10-Jan-13 15:47:42

LifeofPo - no I ignored it completely. Apparently she rang round a load of other Mums/friends asking for the number but luckily any that had her number didn't manage to pass it on, which I'll ask them not to. If she asks for it again I will tell that nanny has new number that she prefers is not passed around as quite a few people keep phoning for favours, which becomes difficult to manage, and I'm respecting that. I travel away quite often so it can be useful for others to have my nanny's number so play dates can be organised etc. It's a shame someone's spoilt that...ahhh, the trials and tribulations of working motherhood...

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 16:03:51

Honestly, you've got to deal with this, rather than hiding. What if she collars your nanny at the school gate and asks directly for her number, or lies to someone else she wants a babysitter for a sunday or somehting and they hand over the nanny's number?

Talk to your friend, say that some people have been taking the piss and you're annoyed at them always wanting to use your nanny for free (don't use the word favour), and that you're paying for 1-2-1 care, so should get it. If you wanted a childminder, you'd use that and save £4 an hour. Smile and say "of course I know you wouldn't take the piss, but i'm putting in a blanket ban on looking after anyone else's children when she's paid just to look after mine, I think it's really unprofessional of her to do it, don't you think? She's being paid to do a job and I'm not getting the service I pay for, I've been quite annoyed at her to be honest, thinking of getting a new nanny if she keeps this up." This then allows your nanny to roll her eyes at your friend and say, "yes, Sorryimlateagain is being really difficult about it, I'd love to help you out but I don't dare."

Be the bad guy, or don't be surprised if your nanny moves on. You need to act like her employer, as well as your nanny acting like your employee.

HecatePropolos Thu 10-Jan-13 16:10:36

you need to be assertive.

"I am paying my nanny to look after my children. She's not a pal doing a favour, she's not communal property. Stop asking her to take care of your children. I resent paying your assumption that it is ok for me to pay for childcare for your children. Which is what I am doing when the person I am paying to take care of my children is taking on your children too."

justmyview Thu 10-Jan-13 16:11:40

I don't think it would help for your friend to hear you criticise your nanny, as *Don't mind if I do" suggests. If I were the nanny, I wouldn't like that

Sugarice Thu 10-Jan-13 16:12:26

Just to be clear, you pay the wages of the Nanny to be in charge and have sole responsibility of just your child, no other children and other families involved?

If that's the case, you do need to deal with this and make it clear to anybody hoping for free last minute childcare that it just isn't on and you're not prepared for your Nanny to be harassed over the phone.

HecatePropolos Thu 10-Jan-13 16:13:23

remove random paying from my post grin

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 16:14:17

Probably Justmyview- perhaps OP if you aren't feeling brave enough to have a go at your friend then do talk to the nanny if she would be happy for you to say something like that. But really, something needs saying to the piss taking friend, if your friends arrange playdates with the nanny for yrou DCs, eventually pissing taker will find someone who'll not realise what piss taker wants the number for and will hand it over. The nanny shouldn't need to be the one to tell your friend it's not on. You should and then she is just doing what her boss wants.

diddl Thu 10-Jan-13 16:14:33

How about you talk to the woman yourself??

Ask her what she wants & say no if appropriate.

Or say you will nanny share if she pays & nanny wants to.

Your poor nanny-how did the woman get hold of her number last time?

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