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To not tell holiday-ing DH what's going on at home?

(50 Posts)
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 13:06:47

DH went on holiday yesterday for a week leaving me, DD and dog at home. He's texted a couple of times and I've replied telling him all is great. However this is not true. In the first 24 hours of his absence -

- DD (5) fell down some stone steps. Not badly hurt but gave herself a really big fright.

- The dog has conjunctivitis, just back from the vets and I will need to wrestle with all 29 uncooperative kilos of him to put drops in his eye twice a day.

- I took DD to a play date yesterday and got lost in the dark and fog, ended up driving for miles in the countryside while my car fuel gauge showed "zero miles" left in the the tank. We made it home safely but I was a nervous wreck.

- I have developed a horrible cough / cold so am generally under the weather and irritable. I would much rather be in bed than doing school run / childcare / dog walking etc.

So no big dramas but I think it will feel like a long week. I don't want DH to have his holiday spoilt by knowing about problems at home but I am technically lying to him.

Some context: DH is the hardest working person I know. He is a SAHP and has gone on a much deserved activity holiday that I have no interest in, so there is no (IMO) BU in him going on holiday without me.

scuzy Wed 09-Jan-13 13:09:08

yanbu not telling him. why make him feel bad when there is nothing he can do? besides you are managing fine. would you want to know if the show was on the other foot?

Flojobunny Wed 09-Jan-13 13:12:24

YANBU, you aren't lying, everything is great. It's just your perception of things. You are blowing things up in your mind because DH is away. Understandable really, but everything you have mentioned is just run of the mill stuff. I'm sure there's lots of great things you can tell him to.
Go fill your tank up. Fill the kettle up and relax. If you can, get a friend to help you wrestle the dog.
He'll be home before you know it.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Wed 09-Jan-13 13:12:40

YANBU - there is nothing that has happened which is amazing/mind blowing/dreadful, all just part and parcel of real life. I don't suppose it would have any impact on his holiday to know the dog has a dodgy eye!

GoldPlatedNineDoors Wed 09-Jan-13 13:13:12

Dont tell him. These things arent serious enough to warrant him coming home, and there is.nothing that can be done from where he is.

Talk.about it when he gets back.

Dh has been away a fortnight and will still be away another five.nights. He doesnt need to.know that DD has been poorly, off her food with it and has got a bit skinny (she is now getting her appetite back after gettig well and is putting a bit of weight back on), that she has had a few really bad nights teething and that our recycling bin has been stolen so I up to my eyeballs in xmas present packaging that I cant do anything with til our new bin arrives.

Some things dont need to be shared with someone who cant help. It is nice to have someone to offload too tho grin

SoggySummer Wed 09-Jan-13 13:14:12

Why tell him? What can he do? he will be back next week so its hardly as if things will move on without him knowing. YANBU.

alarkaspree Wed 09-Jan-13 13:14:46

He can't help with any of those things really so not telling him is the generous thing to do. But on the other hand, if it would make you feel better to talk to him about the car incident, or the falling down the steps, I doubt if it would spoil his holiday. They are over now and everything's fine, so it wouldn't make him worry. You had problems and you coped with them. And they would have happened if he hadn't been on holiday, but he could have given you a big hug afterwards.

But it's certainly not unreasonable not to tell him.

throckenholt Wed 09-Jan-13 13:15:20

Nothing there that isn't every day life - he doesn't need to know about them because he can't do anything to help.

Just tell him you are looking forward to him coming home, and you hope he is having fun.

AThingInYourLife Wed 09-Jan-13 13:16:06

No, don't tell him those things.

They are all minor stresses that worked out fine in the end.

You're not lying by omitting to tell him about them over the phone while he's away.

And it's not a lie that everything is fine - it is.

That it will feel like a long week for you is something he probably already knows, but he has gone with your blessing, so don't bring it up. It will make him feel bad.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 09-Jan-13 13:16:06

Bad luck OP, how typical when things go to pot as soon as OH is missing the action. But agree with scuzy, no point giving him chapter and verse of what's happened. Hope you get some free time yourself soon.

YorkshireDeb Wed 09-Jan-13 13:17:35

YANBU. Not telling him is the right thing to do. As a teenager I lied to my holidaying parents that everything was ok when in reality their car had been stolen from the drive. They understood & appreciated that I hadn't told them when they got back. x

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 13:17:44

You are all right, I am shielded from these daily dramas by my very capable DH and I am blowing it out of proportion a little.

My cold is very bad though <desperately looks for sympathy>. Not much time for relaxing, still working while DH is away during the hours DD is in school except for a few hours on Mumsnet

Convert Wed 09-Jan-13 13:18:22

You sound lovely.
Don't tell him, keep up that everything is fine so he can enjoy his holiday and I hope that things get better!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 13:19:22

Gold you are my hero. Unload here if you likesmile

GoldPlatedNineDoors Wed 09-Jan-13 13:19:31

Well, when your dd goes to bed tonight, you do it too. take a hot water bottle and some.tissues and put your snuggliest jimjams on and get some rest. there there.


ChazsBrilliantAttitude Wed 09-Jan-13 13:20:11

Don't tell him
You can come and tell us...

Hope your cold gets better soon.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Wed 09-Jan-13 13:20:36

Haha it is nice to know someone else is going through this too.

I dont have a cold, but I am on the couch with the duvet while dd naps just becaise I can.

OMGShutUp Wed 09-Jan-13 13:20:38

In a similar situation in the past, with DH a longhaul flight away, I figured he could do nothing at all to help but didn't want to lie to him. So when I spoke to him I just said 'we've had an interesting day today, I'll tell you all about it when you get back. We're all ok though, but it's been a long day!' and then ask how his holiday is going.

bigbluebus Wed 09-Jan-13 13:21:32

Depends how you think your DH will react really. If I were in your position, I would probably tells DH in a casual "oh guess what happened today" type of way - but then I know DH isn't the 'Oh I must rush home and help out' type of guy!!! And IMO I am far more able to cope with things than he is.

There is nothing that your can do about what has already happened. It would seem a little OTT for him to come back just to help out with the dog - isn't there a friend or neighbour who can do that, if necessary? ANd whilst I sympathise that you are a little under the weather, you don't sound so ill that you cannot muddle through. So, if your DH is a panic/stressy type person then I wouldn't bother to tell him.

You reminded me of when DD was in hospital a few years ago and the child in the next bed had been admitted with worstening asthma. His dad had gone on a skiing holiday abroad with friends and the mum had decided not to tell him that their DS was in hospital, as there was nothing he could do and she didn't want to spoil his trip. Unfortunately, Mum had been due to have a girls night around at her house, and had had to cancel. One of her friends who was due to attend, told her husband - who was also away on the skiing holiday and so the child's dad found out anyway - via a 3rd party!!!!

numbum Wed 09-Jan-13 13:22:00

I just properly snorted when I read your name OP grin

Oh and YANBU

THERhubarb Wed 09-Jan-13 13:24:56

Aw, look arrange to do something nice on his return. Not straight away as he'll be knackered but perhaps arrange for a babysitter on the following weekend and book a really nice restaurant for just the two of you. You need something to look forward to.

It is horrible when you have to deal with these things alone, but you have and you've coped fine. Your dd is fine. You did find your way and you emerged unscatched. The dog will be ok and once you dose yourself on nurofen and paracetamol you'll feel able to tackle the usual daily activities.

Does anyone else live near you whose kids go to the same school? Just wondering if you can call in a few favours with regards to the school run?

He will fully appreciate you dealing with these problems whilst allowing him a relaxing holiday and he will love you all the more for it. I bet once he finds out he'll be dying to make up for it - so go ahead and book that restaurant!

PatriciaHolm Wed 09-Jan-13 13:26:06

Last time I went away on work (to other side of the world) the first contact I had with DH and the DCs was a hurried reply to my call, saying "sorry can't talk are are just off to A&E". So you are doing well ;-)

I think its fine, nothing major has happened, just everyday life really. I hope you feel better soon though!

shine0ncrazydiamond Wed 09-Jan-13 13:28:12

No, don't tell him and man up a little bit.

< said with 'fond' >

smornintime Wed 09-Jan-13 13:30:11

Find someone else to offload on though - it sounds like you need a sympathetic ear smile
I wouldn't think there should be a problem saving it 'til he gets back, since he can't do anything about these things at the moment.
And you ARE fine - stressed and poorly, but essentially fine.

Blatherskite Wed 09-Jan-13 13:32:39

On the plus side, the next time he's ill and "only" has to do the school run/look after the kids, you'll no doubt have a lot more sympathy smile

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