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To be annoyed that her brought her up during sex?

(56 Posts)
Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 01:35:43

Back story is I've been seeing my BF for about 9/10 months. We work together. There is a girl (we'll call her Sarah) that we work with that we're both friendly with, but I get a little bit jealous of how they are sometimes (he says irrational and to be fair he might be right). Anyway I got to work, already stressed and grumpy and first thing I saw was them together so got a bit annoyed and he could tell. (stupid i know)

So in the evening we are having sex, and he says something along the lines of "does sarah turn me on?" so I'm a bit shocked shock and so I say "no" (bloody hope not). And he says a couple of other similar things.

I said to him after it was a massive turn off from him to bring her up while we're having sex, as in my eyes it just made me think "we're having sex and you're thinking about her". He didn't really understand why it upset, said that he was trying to get me to see it's me that he's with and that he wants. Apologised for upsetting me but I could see he didn't really get what the problem was?

Am I being unreasonable to be upset that he did that?

Adversecamber Wed 09-Jan-13 20:27:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook Wed 09-Jan-13 19:58:27

I forgot about this thread! It was nothing incestual! It was something about him wanting me and her to be friends again. I heard her name and just laughed in his face and told him, "Don't make me think of family members when we're in this position and naked". Now I mention it to him whenever I want to see him cringe with embarrassment. Stupid thing mentioning other people during sex.

perceptionreality Wed 09-Jan-13 19:56:38

I think MarylinValentine has hit the nail on the head tbh.

Livingintheburbmum Wed 09-Jan-13 19:23:40

I agree with whomever said he fancies her. Beware OP

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 09-Jan-13 19:21:40

Hahaha Fakebook! What's the bet my ex is your DH? My ex called me by his sister's name once while we were on the job. EW!!

JamieandtheMagiTorch Wed 09-Jan-13 19:20:27

Eeew. I think I'd struggle to want to have sex with someone who so spectacularly mis-judged the mood

MarilynValentine Wed 09-Jan-13 19:20:14

He fancies you, and Sarah, and the idea of you being jealous about Sarah during sex was part of the excitement of the moment.


CarriedAwayAnnie Wed 09-Jan-13 19:17:09

Op, the man's an idiot. If you want to be with an idiot then you are going to have to put up with incidents like this. Otherwise, LTB.

I'm more interested in *Fakebook*'s story

extracrunchy Wed 09-Jan-13 19:04:58

YANBU. He was a knob to say that.

2aminthemorning Wed 09-Jan-13 19:03:13

I don't think you need to panic at all although YNBU. It was stupid and in terrible taste.

But he's almost certainly just being clueless. Men have really big egos so he expected you to say "Oh, actually, it's me you're getting all hot and bothered about! Not Sarah!"

Probably the reason he was thinking about her is because you saw him that morning and raised the question "Oh do I fancy?" by being huffy. He's getting grief from you because you think the answer is Sarah. So it's in his mind.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 18:55:28

Just no he's quite a bit older than me actually. He does it too make me laugh (and usually it works) and to make me see that I'm being silly about things. Sometimes it works sometimes he's just annoying though.

JustFabulous Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:07

Why are you with someone who winds you up? I assume you are not 14.

squoosh Wed 09-Jan-13 16:40:57

It reminds me of the Peter Kay ad where a few couples are sitting in a pub talking about which celebrities they fancy. Peter Kay says 'Clare from Accounts' and stares lustfully into the distance. His wife/gf is thrilled! grin

AThingInYourLife Wed 09-Jan-13 15:33:26

Agree, Strawberry, totally ick

It's undeniable that he thinking about her during sex.

That he wanted to bring her up at such an intimate moment (even to "reassure" you), is a pretty severe case of mentionitis.

He fancies her. You are not being irrational about that.

I'm with diddl - I couldn't be doing with this from a fairly recent boyfriend.

Find a man who doesn't have half an eye to his next conquest.

He gets off on the fact that you're jealous of this girl.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 15:05:44

mrsstew Yes very silly. I do think he now understands where I'm coming from.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 15:03:48

perception exactly and I actually thought for a second about saying yes, which would have thrown him completely. He thinks I should know because he tells me enough that he doesn't fancy her. He does however like to wind me up. (although this wasn't him winding me up, this was him genuinely thinking he was being reassuring).

StrawberrytallCAKE Wed 09-Jan-13 14:59:26


mrsstewpot Wed 09-Jan-13 14:57:49

I understand now. In that case I guess it was just a poorly thought out thing to say which he thought would make you feel good about yourself.

Silly boy! Hope he understands where you're coming from!

perceptionreality Wed 09-Jan-13 14:56:22

I don't think it's irrational - if this were my boyfriend I would be concerned about his intentions.

I don't understand what he thought your reaction would be to asking you if he was turned on by Sarah? How would you know? Do you think he likes winding you up? BunFag is right - it sounds too stupid for words.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 14:51:28

mrsstew he was asking me if Sarah turned HIM on.. follow but something like "you're the one that does this to me" etc...

diddl Wed 09-Jan-13 14:50:01

TBH, I doubt I could have sex with him again without wondering if he was thinking of Sarah.

Or just the first bit.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 14:48:21

Strawberry Its not really a gut feeling just a slight irrational jealousy. He knows I get jealous but he's always been very good at reassuring me. He gets jealous too, so its not just me. I think it was a failed attempt to reassure me. That did more damage that good... However not going to 'LTB' because of that.

diddl Haha yes that's the thing he is actually that stupid (not usually) he was really shocked at what he'd done wrong... I was like come on really as a man you should know not to do that.

BunFagFreddie Wed 09-Jan-13 14:46:51

Any sensible and experienced man would never commit such a massive faux pas.

perceptionreality Wed 09-Jan-13 14:44:48

WTF? He talks about this woman during sex and then tells you you're irrational, when you know and have picked up on (rightly) that he at least has some inappropriate thoughts about her.

He sounds about as sensitive an an house brick.

Bella88 Wed 09-Jan-13 14:40:40


Doubt there's much in it though, just a typical bloke withall the sensitivity of boiled pigshit.

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