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To be annoyed that her brought her up during sex?

(56 Posts)
Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 01:35:43

Back story is I've been seeing my BF for about 9/10 months. We work together. There is a girl (we'll call her Sarah) that we work with that we're both friendly with, but I get a little bit jealous of how they are sometimes (he says irrational and to be fair he might be right). Anyway I got to work, already stressed and grumpy and first thing I saw was them together so got a bit annoyed and he could tell. (stupid i know)

So in the evening we are having sex, and he says something along the lines of "does sarah turn me on?" so I'm a bit shocked shock and so I say "no" (bloody hope not). And he says a couple of other similar things.

I said to him after it was a massive turn off from him to bring her up while we're having sex, as in my eyes it just made me think "we're having sex and you're thinking about her". He didn't really understand why it upset, said that he was trying to get me to see it's me that he's with and that he wants. Apologised for upsetting me but I could see he didn't really get what the problem was?

Am I being unreasonable to be upset that he did that?

BunFagFreddie Wed 09-Jan-13 11:37:13

It doesn't sound like he has much expperience with women. Mentioning someone elses name during sex is not a good idea, unless it involves role play or some sort of kink. Maybe he has some sort of kink though!

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 14:07:48

Bogey - Yes I spelled it out very clearly for him, told him to never ever bring up anyone while we're having sex, her or anyone else. If you want to tell me that I'm the one that turns you on fine, just don't mention anyone else. I think he got the point and he did apologise and said he didn't intend it in the way I took it, but he said he's sorry for upsetting me and wont do it again.

Thank you everyone for your replies, really helped me and glad to see that I'm not the only one that would be annoyed by this. smile

squeakytoy Wed 09-Jan-13 14:11:03

I am glad so many of you have time for actual conversation while having sex... grin

StrawberrytallCAKE Wed 09-Jan-13 14:19:33

Sounds very dodgy to me and if its something you already have a gut feeling about you might want to try and work out why.

I would honestly ltb.

diddl Wed 09-Jan-13 14:28:20

So after the best part of a year he mentions someone else during sex?

TBH, I´d be tempted to LTB.

I just couldn´t be doing with it.

Are some men really so stupid that they actually need to be told not to mention another woman´s name during sexhmm?

mrsstewpot Wed 09-Jan-13 14:36:58

I don't understand - was he asking YOU if sarah turned YOU on? Or asking YOU if Sarah turned HIM on?

Bella88 Wed 09-Jan-13 14:40:40


Doubt there's much in it though, just a typical bloke withall the sensitivity of boiled pigshit.

perceptionreality Wed 09-Jan-13 14:44:48

WTF? He talks about this woman during sex and then tells you you're irrational, when you know and have picked up on (rightly) that he at least has some inappropriate thoughts about her.

He sounds about as sensitive an an house brick.

BunFagFreddie Wed 09-Jan-13 14:46:51

Any sensible and experienced man would never commit such a massive faux pas.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 14:48:21

Strawberry Its not really a gut feeling just a slight irrational jealousy. He knows I get jealous but he's always been very good at reassuring me. He gets jealous too, so its not just me. I think it was a failed attempt to reassure me. That did more damage that good... However not going to 'LTB' because of that.

diddl Haha yes that's the thing he is actually that stupid (not usually) he was really shocked at what he'd done wrong... I was like come on really as a man you should know not to do that.

diddl Wed 09-Jan-13 14:50:01

TBH, I doubt I could have sex with him again without wondering if he was thinking of Sarah.

Or just the first bit.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 14:51:28

mrsstew he was asking me if Sarah turned HIM on.. follow but something like "you're the one that does this to me" etc...

perceptionreality Wed 09-Jan-13 14:56:22

I don't think it's irrational - if this were my boyfriend I would be concerned about his intentions.

I don't understand what he thought your reaction would be to asking you if he was turned on by Sarah? How would you know? Do you think he likes winding you up? BunFag is right - it sounds too stupid for words.

mrsstewpot Wed 09-Jan-13 14:57:49

I understand now. In that case I guess it was just a poorly thought out thing to say which he thought would make you feel good about yourself.

Silly boy! Hope he understands where you're coming from!

StrawberrytallCAKE Wed 09-Jan-13 14:59:26


Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 15:03:48

perception exactly and I actually thought for a second about saying yes, which would have thrown him completely. He thinks I should know because he tells me enough that he doesn't fancy her. He does however like to wind me up. (although this wasn't him winding me up, this was him genuinely thinking he was being reassuring).

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 15:05:44

mrsstew Yes very silly. I do think he now understands where I'm coming from.

AThingInYourLife Wed 09-Jan-13 15:33:26

Agree, Strawberry, totally ick

It's undeniable that he thinking about her during sex.

That he wanted to bring her up at such an intimate moment (even to "reassure" you), is a pretty severe case of mentionitis.

He fancies her. You are not being irrational about that.

I'm with diddl - I couldn't be doing with this from a fairly recent boyfriend.

Find a man who doesn't have half an eye to his next conquest.

He gets off on the fact that you're jealous of this girl.

squoosh Wed 09-Jan-13 16:40:57

It reminds me of the Peter Kay ad where a few couples are sitting in a pub talking about which celebrities they fancy. Peter Kay says 'Clare from Accounts' and stares lustfully into the distance. His wife/gf is thrilled! grin

JustFabulous Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:07

Why are you with someone who winds you up? I assume you are not 14.

Libramonkey Wed 09-Jan-13 18:55:28

Just no he's quite a bit older than me actually. He does it too make me laugh (and usually it works) and to make me see that I'm being silly about things. Sometimes it works sometimes he's just annoying though.

2aminthemorning Wed 09-Jan-13 19:03:13

I don't think you need to panic at all although YNBU. It was stupid and in terrible taste.

But he's almost certainly just being clueless. Men have really big egos so he expected you to say "Oh, actually, it's me you're getting all hot and bothered about! Not Sarah!"

Probably the reason he was thinking about her is because you saw him that morning and raised the question "Oh do I fancy?" by being huffy. He's getting grief from you because you think the answer is Sarah. So it's in his mind.

extracrunchy Wed 09-Jan-13 19:04:58

YANBU. He was a knob to say that.

CarriedAwayAnnie Wed 09-Jan-13 19:17:09

Op, the man's an idiot. If you want to be with an idiot then you are going to have to put up with incidents like this. Otherwise, LTB.

I'm more interested in *Fakebook*'s story

MarilynValentine Wed 09-Jan-13 19:20:14

He fancies you, and Sarah, and the idea of you being jealous about Sarah during sex was part of the excitement of the moment.


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