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Oh, my Lord. Headdesk moment with my relative.

(49 Posts)
LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 07-Jan-13 17:53:42

I have distant relatives who moved overseas years ago - their daughter (a few years older than me) has been in touch to see if she could stay with us while she tries to do some studying in the UK.

She is convinced Oxford is part of greater London.
She is convinced, despite me sending her train times, that the drive into London would be quick and easy as a commute.


Is there a gentle way to tell someone that, um, possibly, what with it being the country I grew up in, I might possibly know better about this?!

PrincessMononoke Mon 07-Jan-13 17:55:23

Send her a map ?

ivykaty44 Mon 07-Jan-13 17:56:55

No let her find out for herself smile sweetly smile and stand back and let her get on with it.

You can let them know your thoughts and give advice but no point worrying if they don't want to listen.

This will not impact on you and have have doen the correct thing and tried to tell her

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 07-Jan-13 17:57:09

She's seen the map. She has patiently explained to me that she drives a similar distance every day at home and it is simply a matter of not being scared of driving, as we Brits are.


I will admit, a tiny bit of me would really like to say, yes, come over, do stay ... and then to see what happened the first morning.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 07-Jan-13 17:57:52

ivy - great minds, obviously! grin

She wants to stay with us, which I'd be perfectly happy with, but honestly, I suspect she'd be a total nightmare.

She also seems to have slightly unrealistic ideas about how easy it is to walk into UK HE and start studying.

PrincessMononoke Mon 07-Jan-13 17:58:19

Ah we'll, she obviously knows best. wink

tunnocksteacake Mon 07-Jan-13 17:58:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 Mon 07-Jan-13 17:58:31

I remember a neighbour having guest over who flew into Manchester and they had looked at the map and saw Oxford wasn't that far - so they said we will be with you in half and hour grin maps don't show the M6 traffic any more than they show the M1 traffic or facebook mutterings of friends stuck in the traffic every morning

PrincessMononoke Mon 07-Jan-13 17:58:53

Well not we'll bloody auto correct

MooncupGoddess Mon 07-Jan-13 18:00:06


I was chatting once to a lovely American who had made a once-in-a-lifetime visit to the UK. She told me that she and her husband had driven to London for a planned day trip from wherever they were staying. They drove around for hours and couldn't find anywhere to park, so they went home again without seeing anything.

LineRunner Mon 07-Jan-13 18:00:09

You need to be firm, LRD.

I have dear colonial cousins and every time they come to the UK they are not at all fazed by the distances, but they end up freaking out at the costs of trains, petrol, etc. - and the traffic and delays.

Be clear. 'Travelling from Barnes to central Oxford takes 3 hours each way and will cost you fifty quid unless you travel after 10am.'

ivykaty44 Mon 07-Jan-13 18:00:23

well she will need a visa to study - so that part has to be done at home first - surely that part will start to warn her?

Also say she is welcome to stay with you but as we have strikt rules you will need to see her offer of a place in HE first before she leaves her own country

BlingLoving Mon 07-Jan-13 18:00:43

Haha. As a South African it took me a while to work out that a drive of 100km was not the quick hour here it would be at home. I still struggle with the reality that from sw London to Cornwall is at least five hours.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 07-Jan-13 18:00:43

tunnocks - tempting! grin

I have a suspicion, based on her parents when they last visited my parents back in the 90s, that the idea of covering a distance of upwards of 100 yards in something other than a car would not really cross her mind.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 07-Jan-13 18:01:27

ivy - she was born here and has dual citizenship, so I don't think she will? Her sister was over here for a bit.

sameoldlovebunny Mon 07-Jan-13 18:02:00

hahaha! don't let her stay with you - no matter how much you like her, she'll get on your nerves. find her somewhere to share in oxford. and let her drive into london daily. hahahaha!

oh, stop. i don't know this woman. why should i hate her?

the last time i drove in oxford (long time ago) thom yorke was behind me in the traffic jam. i was just looking in the mirror thinking, that man has lips just like thom yorke when he started to nod... later he changed lanes and drove at a snails pace beside me while i tried to sink into non-existence...

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Mon 07-Jan-13 18:03:26

Send her a picture of a carpark and point out that that is what most of her commute will resemble. The A40 in and out of London is a joyous experience at rush hour.

I believe traffic around Oxford is similarly awful.

JarethTheGoblinKing Mon 07-Jan-13 18:04:23

This is an oddly familiar thread LRD, have you posted about something similar before?

I'd suggest mentioning that it'll take her half an hour before she even clears the ringroad.. what about showing her googlemaps with the traffic showing?

tunnocksteacake Mon 07-Jan-13 18:05:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 07-Jan-13 18:05:10

Sorry, I have just realized this wasn't even vaguely an AIBU, really, just me thinking What. The. Fuck.

But anyway: chazs, that might work.

same - yes, I think she would get on my nerves! grin Especially after the first day she realized she's not in London.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 07-Jan-13 18:05:49

jareth - not even vaguely, I don't think?! confused

I've never had any of them over to stay before, we barely see them.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Mon 07-Jan-13 18:05:59

On a different note- is she planning to study at Oxford University (rather than another institution in the city) if so, don't they have a residence requirement so you have to live in Oxford.

TheProvincialLady Mon 07-Jan-13 18:06:51

Don't under any circumstances let such a bossy know all stay in your house for more than a night or two. You will kill her.

tunnocksteacake Mon 07-Jan-13 18:06:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JarethTheGoblinKing Mon 07-Jan-13 18:07:14

And she'll be the one scared of driving after navigating Cowley rd or London road at rush hour grin

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