that my friends wedding really riles me! (need a slap)(9 Posts)
When me and my DH got hitched, we were so fed up of the whole rigamarole of wedding planning and we didn't have much money, so we made a lot of compromises. In the end the day was great though definitely the best of my life, but I guess a part of me wishes we had had the money to have me a dress specially made and to have fancy favours and posh photos (queue the beginnings of the Disney princess culture of the 1980s).
The main thing that riles me is that wedding madness has made my mate into someone I don't recognise: The guy had to be strong-armed into proposing to her (a muttered maybe when drunk became a proposal), she lost a ton of weight when she used to say she was happy being curvy, and is so obsessed with her own wedding she is getting it on blogs, poring over every last detail even months and months down the line. I guess she has sort of become, through her very different approach to wedding planning, a lot of what I thought we both disliked.
She also made a few bitchy comments to myself and others about our wedding - which is really horrible. She is omnipresent on Facebook and has blatantly showed people I don't know pictures of our wedding just to point out what she doesn't want (learned at her wedding). She was a really moany bridesmaid at our wedding: complaining that we couldn't afford a dress, champagne and many other things. I should have confronted her over this behaviour really, and I guess that's also why I'm angry now.
But am I also just jealous?? I KNOW I should just be think 'live and let live' - I have a good relationship and lots of things other than weddings in my life.
I can't decide if a) she is a Bridezilla and the wedding has turned her temporarily insane b) we just do have different values and this is a big red flag for our friendship, or c) I am a jealous princess myself and no better!
WHY DO I CARE??
Sounds like a bit of all three options to be honest!
She sounds like a lousy person and a lousy friend. Distance yourself as much as possible and write her off as someone to give a damn about.
You don't sound jealous, but she sounds rude, bitchy and like she's generally unpleasant in her attitude towards her friends and their choices.
You care because she set up an adversarial relationship by criticising your wedding.
Yes, it sounds as if she's heading into bridezilla territory - you can't do anything to stop that. But she should cut out identifiable criticism of your (or anyone else's) wedding right now. And in your shoes I'd tell her pretty straight that, whatever style of wedding she wants, it's downright tacky to run down someone else's choices. You wouldn't dream of panning her preferences publicly and identifiably, and so why on earth does she think it's appropriate?
You seem to have listed things in a sightly odd order.
Is this the order that they come to mind?
1 - you are not sure if you are jealous
2 - coreced proposal
3 - reading a lot about weddings
4 - weight loss
5 - bitchy comments
6 - she was moany at your wedding
I would say that 3 and 4 are fairly normal and nothing to do with you
2 is unfortunately more normal than it should be, but you are not in their relationship so you can't know how it really went
5 and 6 are the things that you should be considering if you are unsure about whether the friendship is worth keeping, but you keep them til last - why?
Sounds much more like a&b than c to me
Though I must commend your self control - if someone had complained at my (also budget) wedding about a lack of proper dresses or champagne, I would have decked them
and blamed the pregnancy hormones
Thanks for your replies - glad to hear i'm only being a little unreasonable maybe!
You make a good point Trills - I have a tendency to minimise upsets and take the blame myself. I guess my angle was 'look how shallow I am, please flame me' but really there are proper hurts underneath it and I need to address them rather than the trivial stuff. I don't like confrontation and being just a bitchy jealous friend was more comfortable for me than being a rightly cheesed off friend who needs to get some distance. Passive Aggression no more!
She sounds very dull indeed. I'd leave her to it, tbh.
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