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To be fed up with having to do what others tell me to do all the time?

(9 Posts)
Findingmyself Mon 07-Jan-13 14:13:04

All of my childhood my parents totally controlled me. I wasn't allowed to do anything I wanted to do, and wasn't allowed an opinion. I wasn't even allowed to go to sixth form to do a-levels in order to pursue the career I wanted to do.

Married equally controlling first husband. Had to live in the town he wanted to live in, as he didn't want me to live near friends and family. I ended up giving up work after having DC1 as he wouldn't let me go back to work, or rather he made it very very difficult for me and threatened all sorts of things if I went against him. I also ended up during that marriage doing all kinds of things I didn't want to do, just to please him.

Now I'm re-married. My DH isn't controlling but I still end up going along all the time with what he wants. I wanted to buy a new house, he didn't, so we ended up doing as he said and getting an older house and I'm not happy here as it doesn't fit with the image in my head of what I wanted. We've had 2 DCs together, I'd quite like a 4th, he wouldn't, so we can't have more and that's the end of that. I'd like another cat, he doesn't want one, so I can't get one. He's decided we can't have a holiday this year (we can afford it), so that's the end of it, we're not having one.

I just feel like I've lived my life doing what other people tell me/want me to do, and I'm fed up with it sad

Bonsoir Mon 07-Jan-13 14:15:33

You sound quite "glass half empty". You have a husband, children, a home, a cat... why do you want more children or another cat?

throckenholt Mon 07-Jan-13 14:17:31

I think big decisions like having children takes agreement. For things like the cat - what are his reasons ? Talk them through and then decide - if want the cat and are willing to take responsibility for it - then do it.

Holiday - again - what are the reasons - discuss and agree.

It seems like you have a habit of agreeing without really wanting to.

5dcsinneedofacleaner Mon 07-Jan-13 14:18:41

YANBU. The point isnt that what you have but the fact you feel you dont have a choice in it. If you feel you want another cat for example it shouldnt be your dh just saying no and thats it thats very parent/child and not really a healthy way to live imo.

Findingmyself Mon 07-Jan-13 14:21:59

rockenholt, yes I think I am in a habit of agreeing as I'm scared to disagree.

5dcsinneedofacleaner, I agree, it's the fact that I feel I don't have a choice in anything. DH just says a blanket no about something and then I feel I can't have/do whatever it is. Like he's just said 'we're not having anymore children', there's been no consulting with me or asking if I have an opinion or anything like that.

PessaryPam Mon 07-Jan-13 16:50:07

Finding, I understand what you are saying. What would happen if you put your foot down over a small thing fist? Just to practice and build up from there. Don't back down on it though.

2rebecca Mon 07-Jan-13 18:45:07

I don't want any pets or more children. These are non-negotiable issues. You can't have a compromise position or a discussion on things like this. If my husband has a dog or another kid then he does so in a house that doesn't contain me. I presume your husband feel similarly. negotiations are for things like which sofa to buy.
Do you want more kids and a menagerie more than you want your husband? Why do you think they will make you happier?

3smellysocks Mon 07-Jan-13 18:46:23

Can you start standing up for what you want a little more?

2rebecca Mon 07-Jan-13 18:47:30

With the holiday if you have a joint account then you should have equal say on whether or not you go on holiday. Of course you can't force him to go on holiday but you could just say "I am going on holiday this year with the children, are you going to come?

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