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am i been unreasonable my daughters pregnant again

(136 Posts)
alycia Mon 07-Jan-13 10:58:06

hi everyone and a happy new year.need to unburden and need advice please.ive posted on here before regarding my daughter and my grandson. shes 17 and my gs is 15months i care for him full time have done since june last year as she couldnt cope with been a full time mum. ive just found yesturday shes pregnant again to a new lad shes about 5 weeks. why have another one when im looking after her first child. she states shes keeping the baby. ive said to her she cant cope and shes selfish not talking to her at the moment im mad angry and upset havent slept and just dont no what to do with her. i really feel like disowning her for sick of her shit shes making me feel ill. doctor wants me on antidepressents. where did i go so wrong.

alycia Fri 11-Jan-13 10:28:25

true true thanks so muchx

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 11-Jan-13 10:25:07

Nobody wants to admit they need help but what have you got to lose by accepting a pick-me-up, it'll be one worry less, "your health is your wealth".

alycia Fri 11-Jan-13 10:22:01

tbh i really dont want to go or to be on tablets but i had to in the end as i just couldnt cope with it all

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 11-Jan-13 10:19:03

Up to a point we can raise our children and have control over them, beyond that we either hope they don't repeat our mistakes or have the wisdom to sort out the consequences. Glad you saw your GP alycia you need all your energy and wits about you, good luck with counselling.

alycia Fri 11-Jan-13 10:15:44

all i can do is hope and pray that she does i really do.i also took myself to doctors as i wasnt feeling so good im now on prozac and got to go through councelling soz cnt spell it. feel like a failure

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 11-Jan-13 10:08:35

Good job money grows on trees hmm you are a good soul bringing GS up with your two little girls but it shouldn't mean your eldest DD takes you for granted. Hope she matures sooner than later.

Nancy66 Fri 11-Jan-13 10:05:28

Gosh Alycia you have a lot on your plate.

I think you are right to step back from your daughter for a while. She needs to sort herself out and also understand that you have a life of your own and can't keep picking up the pieces of hers.

Some people go through life just fucking it up at every turn - i have a young cousin like this. In the end if they refuse all help you just have to leave them to it.

As nice as he seems now the reality is that the father of your daughter's unborn child is unlikely to stick around for very long after it's born - as long as SS are poised (and it sounds like they are) then just leave them to it. you've done all you can.

alycia Fri 11-Jan-13 10:00:42

asked solicitor about an allowence and she said i wont get one because im not a carer or fosterer but family and his nan

alycia Fri 11-Jan-13 09:57:28

i wont hand him back.latest news went to court for the residence order it couldnt be granted as gs mum and dad didnt turn up at court so got to go bck feb now. she is 7weeks pregnant ive seen the scan and shes keeping it. told her i wont be bringing anymore up.ive also told ss who said oh ok well she might be better this time around can you believe it i cannot

Boomerwang Wed 09-Jan-13 00:31:26

Sorry I have NOT read the thread.

All I want to say is at this point it's time to get her some help. Not give it, but help her get it for herself. This includes help for her first child. The reason I am so sure/adamant is because I'm witness to a very similar situation in my own life. I don't know who you should call. Try sure start or a young mothers program. You need to be a grandmother, not a mother. The best thing you can do is to hand your grandchild over to your daughter and help with practical matters such as applications and/or appointments rather than childcare.

Corygal Wed 09-Jan-13 00:23:38

As it happens, I think a miscarriage is exactly the right time for OP to explain she can't take on any more unwanted children. Go for it, OP.

Birdsgottafly Tue 08-Jan-13 15:22:16

You couldnot have residency of your GS and your DD give up responsibility without you having a "title" as carer.

Who takes him the doctors, if you do not have any rights awarded via the LA then you cannot make decisions.

Who will take him to the Children's Centre for activities etc.

This needs to be sorted out now.

Birdsgottafly Tue 08-Jan-13 15:19:50

shes classed as been unsuitable by the ss for the moment.

Then the SW would have to write a plan for your GS and if you were awarded residency (you say you are getting CTC) then you are a "kinship carer" and there should be funds available if you geuninely needed clothes for your GS.

There must have been a time when your DD was underage and therefor your GS was on a Child Protection plan and things went from there and your DD left home?

alycia Tue 08-Jan-13 14:24:14

shes on the pill or was.same when she had her first. she had the injection in the arm but because of constant bleeding the doctor took it out i was there and wasnt happy this was before she had her son.

Rollmops Tue 08-Jan-13 09:22:54

I so want to believe that OP is trolling, but a look at any High Street in this country confirms her sad-sad story.
End of the civilization is in sight as we as a species, are regressing. Rapidly.


thekidsrule Tue 08-Jan-13 09:20:11

how sad that she hasnt mentioned having her son back

all the very best op

JenaiMorris Tue 08-Jan-13 09:02:29

This miscarriage/ectopic might be pie in the sky. Either way (and I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this) she really needs to be thinking about proper contraception.

I say this as a grown woman (older than you I think, if I've done my sums correctly!) who couldn't trust herself to remember to take the pill reliably. Mirena might be a good option, although I hated having mine fitted.

alycia Tue 08-Jan-13 08:33:16

ss wont give me an allowence as i took my gs on so they say so dont think i can get any extra help with that but if anyone nos more about this who i can contact that would be great. my daughter hasnt said about having her son back and tbh shes classed as been unsuitable by the ss for the moment.

alycia Tue 08-Jan-13 08:29:40

thanks everyone. i will not have her living back with me she just wants to be with her bf i dont mean to be nasty on here its just ive had enough of it all now. trying to find out about a kinship carer but dont think i can get a grant or anything because im his nan and not a foster carer.

ll31 Tue 08-Jan-13 08:22:21

Hope you're doing ok op. If she has lost baby or wasn't't even pregnant then once the immediate upset is past I do think, hard as it sounds, that you should have a conv with her saying you won't be supporting her in another pregnancy and that that means if her and boyfriend can't or won't cope then baby will go to care not to you...hope you're ok

MumVsKids Tue 08-Jan-13 04:37:15

When I had suspected ectopic pg, it was an emergency. Consultant wanted to do laparoscopy immediately.

That suspected ectopic is now 8 months and breast feeding like he's never eaten before!!

CheerfulYank Tue 08-Jan-13 04:29:12

I remember your other thread. Hope things are going as well as they can for you.

It is so hard. I know a woman who has three kids (2 dads), has had an abortion, and is newly pregnant again. She says she is keeping this one because the father is financially stable and has offered them a nice house. hmm

It's so hard to say anything helpful to her because she rails at me with "not everyone has this perfect life, where they're married and then have a kid!" confused

I certainly know that, and for the record I didn't plan DS! It just happened that I was married before having an "accident". It's so hard to be supportive when she says things like "I forgot to take my pills, so sue me!"

OP if she is in fact still pregnant, maybe her bf will step up and be a good dad?

Birdsgottafly Tue 08-Jan-13 04:13:09

I see at the end of the last thread you said that the SW and CAB were sorting things out for you, which is a surprise that the benefits were not in place, considering your DD was under 17 and then no longer resided with you

I think that you need to keep SS informed of any major changes, including another pregnancy.

Birdsgottafly Tue 08-Jan-13 04:09:31

"it may have been mentioned and i missed it but has your daughter ever discussed having ds1 back living with her"

If SS are involved then a plan for that would have to be drawn up, agreed upon and followed through.

It wouldn't really just be a matter for the OP to decide.

Birdsgottafly Tue 08-Jan-13 04:07:25

Off topic, but you mentioned in your last thread that you were struggling for money.

Are you not classed as a "kinship carer" and the needs of your GS (clothes) taken care of by an allowance or a grant via SS?

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