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To not be able to resist picking up my screaming baby :(

(32 Posts)
BabyHaribo Mon 07-Jan-13 10:01:14

DS (11 months) was really poorly all over Xmas and has got used to being cuddled to sleep as this was the only way when he was ill.

I am now trying to get him used to going to sleep in his cot again. He used to be so good at going down.

This morning he SCREAMED and SCREAMED and lay there head banging the side of the cot. I cant bear it do after about 20mins of unsuccessful shushing and patting I gave in and picked him up hmm

DH says I need to be stronger or he will learn screaming = cuddle but it's so hard i hate it when he is screaming - I am being really pfb??grin

drivingmisspotty Mon 07-Jan-13 10:04:01

what's wrong with screaming=cuddle? If you were upset wouldn't dh cuddle you?

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Mon 07-Jan-13 10:06:21

No one ever died from a cuddle

mrsjay Mon 07-Jan-13 10:06:45

pick him up 20 minutes is a long time for a nearly 1 yer old to be crying, I did cc years ago with mine i wouldnt leave them screaming like that, you are not weak ,

Flisspaps Mon 07-Jan-13 10:10:06

Even with CC or shush pat, I don't see there anything wrong with soothing a hysterical baby with a cuddle.

Babies SHOULD think that they'll get a cuddle if they're really upset. There's a difference between head banging/screaming and crying.

CheungFun Mon 07-Jan-13 10:10:12

You're just following your instincts - nothing wrong with that!

Sometimes if DS does his special cry then I will pick him up and cuddle him until he stops crying, then put him back down and pat/shush for 5 minutes, then pick him up and calm him down and just repeat the cycle until he falls asleep.

I think if they're crying and screaming that hard they're not going to fall asleep, you need to be calm to be able to fall asleep.

I think by keep putting them back in the cot they know they need to go to sleep, as you're just picking them up to calm them down enough to sleep if that makes sense.

Some types of crying are more a sort of moany cry that you can ignore as you know they will be asleep within a couple of minutes, but you know your baby's cry and what they need.

ledkr Mon 07-Jan-13 10:11:20

We have just had an unsettled period with dd and I cuddled her almost constantly. It was lovely. I stuck to her bedtime but cuddled her when distressed. Eventually she has made less and less fuss when put down and last night went down ok. If you leave him to cry they will become more insecure not less

Amothersruin Mon 07-Jan-13 10:13:11

At 11 months there is nothing wrong with wanting to comfort your baby but I also understand where your dh is coming from. I have a friend whose dc is now very nearly 2 and is still up 3/4 times a night screaming. I firmly believe that this is because every time he so much as whimpers he gets a boob thrust in his face so beware of making a rod for your own back....

3ForMe Mon 07-Jan-13 10:13:38

Not ur at all..
Babies need cuddles.
20 mins is a long time for a baby to be crying.
Do what you feel is right.

He's got the rest of his life to discover life's hard at times, being a baby is not the time to learn that.

5dcsinneedofacleaner Mon 07-Jan-13 10:14:32

Pick him up let him know your still there. My dd (11 months) is going through the same phase but my older ones went through it as well. I picked them up hugged them and let them sleep with me until they grew out of it and shockingly none of them turned out to be bad sleepers as toddlers.

BabyHaribo Mon 07-Jan-13 10:15:18

I didn't leave him for 20 mins was there the whole time.

I guess I just needed to hear others say it. I love the cuddles even at 2am but DH is less keen. I will continue to do usual routine then cuddle if distressed but shush pat if just moaning.

3ForMe Mon 07-Jan-13 10:16:35

Also agree with what ledkr said.

I never let dc1 to cry and we cuddled lots.

Now dc1 is a fiercely independent 6 year old who knows we're here for support, love, attention etc whenever he feels he needs it.

Cuddles are a rarity now hmm
Enjoy them while thy last

mrsjay Mon 07-Jan-13 10:17:15

I didn't leave him for 20 mins was there the whole time.

oh ok i misread sorry , you can tell the different cries and your baby sounded distressed cuddle him, smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 07-Jan-13 10:17:46

Of course YANBU. Babies need cuddles.

AlphaBeta2012 Mon 07-Jan-13 10:21:07

agreeing with others DS1 has never been been left to cry at all, if he was upset we were there for him no question. He is almost 2 now and a very happy, healthy, independent little boy who sleeps wonderfully and knows we are here for him whenever he needs love, attention, support etc.
there is a very good reason you can't resist picking him, it is our natural instinct to respond to our baby's needs.

SavoyCabbage Mon 07-Jan-13 10:22:19

He's your baby. Cuddle him all you want.

Nanny0gg Mon 07-Jan-13 10:23:48

What 3ForMe said. He's got the rest of his life to discover life's hard at times, being a baby is not the time to learn that. is very true.

seeker Mon 07-Jan-13 10:24:13

Screaming=cuddle is how it works!

Fakebook Mon 07-Jan-13 10:26:51

Erm no you're not being pfb, you're being a mother. That's what you're supposed to do when your baby cries. hmm.

MichaelaS Mon 07-Jan-13 10:27:22

Ha! Our nearly 9 mth old still cosleeping because he has never in his life gone to sleep unless 1) in skin to skin contact preferably with a boob or 2) when v tired, well wrapped up and pushed in a pram for at least half an hour or 3) ditto but in car seat being driven.

Rod for my own back? Possibly. But he is a poor sleeper, I need to get some sleep and apparently he can do without.

He won't be doing it at 15 so enjoy it. I still can't understand people who can listen to their baby cry and cry (not just whinge) and not pick them up. They need human contact, reassurance, helping to calm them and soothe them. That is what being a mummy is all about, surely?

Wallison Mon 07-Jan-13 10:29:14

I think learning screaming = cuddle is the best kind of lesson to learn - it will teach him that when he needs you, you are there. And eventually he will get to need you less and less. The alternative is to learn that screaming = being ignored, the thought of which makes me go cold.

noblegiraffe Mon 07-Jan-13 10:30:31

There's a reason you can't help cuddling your screaming baby. It's because it will stop him screaming, and quite quickly, in a way that going 'shush' won't.
Going shush is for when they're just moaning a bit.

Desichick Mon 07-Jan-13 10:37:14

you are not being unreasonable, cuddles are the most natural thing for a mum to want to give her baby, my three are all teenagers and I loved cuddling them to soothe tears/pain, I also think they have a calmer personality when soothed and cuddled. Don't understand when they can't talk why would you let them scream and cry instead?

FanFuckingTastic Mon 07-Jan-13 10:40:36

Cuddles are great. I still cuddle my children at seven and four when they cry. If they need to be cuddled to sleep, that's fine by me. They are welcome in my bed even, so long as it's to cuddle up and sleep, not climb all over me like my DD does. I don't think it is at all possible to spoil a child with cuddles.

McNewPants2013 Mon 07-Jan-13 10:42:35

Yanbu my DC are free to have hugs when ever they want or need one.

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