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To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

(760 Posts)
whoovian Mon 07-Jan-13 09:34:03

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

annoyedandonstrike Mon 07-Jan-13 09:48:59

"We are not extravagent spenders" -

um yes you are - 4 children all in private school, a holiday every year ?
sounds pretty extravagent to me!

JustAHolyFool Mon 07-Jan-13 09:49:21


I'm on £1 million a year and I've just had to let our gardener AND the girl who shines my shoes go.

If it gets any worse, I'll be cooking my own breakfasts.

Some of you poor people who don't have to pay for private school, 6-bedroom houses, 3 cars and a full staff don't know you're BORN.

thebody Mon 07-Jan-13 09:49:29

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Haroldbishop Mon 07-Jan-13 09:49:46

Also why is "feeling rich" so important to you? Is it a status thing? As long as you have enough that's what matters.

As well as taking your kids out private school you could downgrade your house. Or you could get a job if you are desparate to "feel rich"

CloudsAndTrees Mon 07-Jan-13 09:50:40

Oh, X posted!

To be fair OP, private school for four children is going to cost a fortune, so it's no wonder that you feel you don't have much left over!

People match their outgoings to their income. Do you have a fairly high mortgage as well?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 07-Jan-13 09:50:42

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TunipTheVegedude Mon 07-Jan-13 09:50:50

Oh, and do sort your finances out so you save more. I must say I find it a bit odd that you don't - people I know who are rich and were seriously poor as kids are often saving a lot, putting a slightly irrational amount into life insurance policies, etc, to try to deal with the insecurity.

Theicingontop Mon 07-Jan-13 09:50:53

Perhaps it's the fact that you came from poverty, that in fact you are very comfortable but the lingering anxiety that you learned from your childhood is still lingering.

I was brought up with barely a stitch of clothing and hardly a meal on the table, and now we have money, I don't feel like I can spend it. I find it hard to buy myself anything and have a squirrel mentality.

You can certainly afford therapy. Try that?

manicbmc Mon 07-Jan-13 09:51:37

Are you George Osbourne's missus? confused

CloudsAndTrees Mon 07-Jan-13 09:52:40

Why is it insensitive?

Don't people with high incomes have as much right to post about how they feel as people on low incomes do?

I must have missed that bit of the Talk Guidelines.

TandB Mon 07-Jan-13 09:53:08

Why do people calculate how well off they are based on how much disposable income they have after paying for the things they choose to spend their money on?

You have a large income. The fact that you have chosen to commit a large chunk of it to buying a house in an expensive place and privately schooling your children doesn't mean that you are suddenly less wealthy - it just means that you have less money actually sitting in the bank than someone who has the same income but a small mortgage and no school fees.

We don't have much spare cash at the end of the month. But that is because the vast majority of DP's decent (not £250k level though!) income goes on a fairly big mortgage and most of my much smaller income goes on childcare. But that is what we have decided to do - dedicate the bulk of our income to buying a nice house in a nice place. If we'd bought a much smaller place in a cheaper village we'd have a fair bit of spare cash to spend on holidays, cars, private school fees, whatever we fancied.

It is thoroughly distasteful to openly whinge about not being well-off when you are spending your very large income on luxuries that you chose to pay for. You are well-off - you just aren't as fabulously wealthy as I'm sure most of us would like to be.

Get over yourself.

firawla Mon 07-Jan-13 09:53:10

OP its a massive amount of money. After having nothing growing up surely you would realise that? you are doing yourself a disservice really if you feel poor on money like that, as you are very very well off - most people would feel happy about it. Maybe as someone mentioned you have issues about anxiety regarding money? cos otherwise just dont get how you can be scarcely comfortable on that income

mrsjay Mon 07-Jan-13 09:54:00

Wow. Inverse snobbery is still alive and kicking on Mumsnet I see.

Is it any wonder the OP didn't come back after those responses?

they have 250k a YEAR A YEAR i am not a snob or inverse as you put it, but how can we empathise with somebody who is whinging at her income, perhaps her expectations are far to high for their lifestyle , maybe she is her life isn't fulfilling and she needs to look beyond feeling rich' as she seems to have a very comfortable lifestyle and just moaning about fucking nothing angry

AllYoursBabooshka Mon 07-Jan-13 09:54:09

Oh dear, I think lack of sleep has made me overly understanding.

Arf at Manic. grin

TunipTheVegedude Mon 07-Jan-13 09:54:47

Manicbmc - no she can't be, she was born even richer than George.

AudrinaAdare Mon 07-Jan-13 09:55:31

No savings?

DH earns very little and I am a carer and even we have food money for a couple of months under the mattress.

Lucy411 Mon 07-Jan-13 09:55:50

Honestly I think this post is insulting if anything I have less that 10% of your earnings a year and you are really moaning about it?


Moominsarehippos Mon 07-Jan-13 09:56:17

What is it about the huge income you dislike?

Yes, living in London can make you feel poor. We have a block opposite that has a flat going for £16 million and all the cars parked belong to Arabs, Russians and Chinese. Do I feel poor? In comparison, you betcha! When I go to other parts of the country and see house prices, salaries and school fees, do I feel priveledged? Oh yes.

Luckyluckyme Mon 07-Jan-13 09:56:25

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manicbmc Mon 07-Jan-13 09:57:03

Damn - now that would have been worth a good flaming. grin

OP - come back when you have less than 10% of that income and are struggling to decide between clothing your kids, putting the heating on or having food in the house.

Learn to budget what you have or get a damn job.

mrsjay Mon 07-Jan-13 09:57:24

Don't people with high incomes have as much right to post about how they feel as people on low incomes do?

we are not on a low income well we are compared to the op of course people are entitled to feelings but come on she doesn't feel rich in comparison to who the parents at her childrens school her neighbours the friend who can afford 3 holidays a year ,

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 07-Jan-13 09:57:38

OP YANBU to feel insecure, especially if you have come from a poor background.

DH and I run our own business, and when business is good we have a very good income (although nowhere even remotely close to yours). However it can be fickle and so we never feel fully comfortable.

Your main problem is obviously the school fees - that it a huge commitment for 4 children, especially if you are starting from primary. I remember reading once that if you are relying on income rather than savings to pay school fees, then you can't actually afford it because in theory you might need to stop paying them at any time.

You will receive a bashing on here, maybe not entirely undeservedly seeing as there are many people on a tiny fraction of your income who really are struggling to put food on the table.

Perhaps you should consider getting some more savings in the bank so that you feel more comfortable.

CloudsAndTrees Mon 07-Jan-13 09:58:10

You don't have to empathise, but there's no need for some of the nasty posts either.

It's certainly not worth getting angry about.

OP has every right to feel what she wants and to post what she wants. This website doesn't exist purely for low earners and those on benefits.

AThingInYourLife Mon 07-Jan-13 09:58:17

I think this could have been an interesting topic of conversation.

What's with all the grumping?

Lollybrolly Mon 07-Jan-13 09:58:33

well £210k of your husbands salary will be taxed at 40% before you see the rest and thats not even thinking about the standard tax on the first £40k and the NI on it all.

However - I suspect the school fees eat the bulk of the remainder.

You will get flamed for starting this thread you know - most well off people on here do get heavily slagged and I say that as a skint poor unemployed person with a DH on a below average national salary and non home owner not as another "rich" person. Alot of vitirol on here to well off people.

Hope you have your hard hat.

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