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To be sick of women's attitudes about their oh's competenence with their children?

(250 Posts)
rhondajean Sun 06-Jan-13 17:55:15

My blood is boiling! Come tell me I am being totally unreasonable.

In the last week I have read countless threads all of which focused on fathers perceived inability to take care of their own children, make decisions a out parenting, basically be an adult.

I can't decide whether half on MN is married/living with idiots or whether there is such a level of arrogance among some women that they cannot accept they are not irreplaceable to their little darlings for a couple of hours, or even days.

C'mon, slap me down!

Gigondas Sun 06-Jan-13 17:57:02

Nope- will hold your hand as I agree . It is depressing reading.

JamieandtheMagiTorch Sun 06-Jan-13 17:58:27

Well, it all depends really.

It's so hard to tell from a thread.

I know of some fairly inadequate fathers in RL, OTOH I have met some mothers who, especially in the early months seem to be unable to trust that anyone can look after their baby as well as they can.

HecatePropolos Sun 06-Jan-13 17:58:38

It's probably a bit of both grin with a hefty dose of conditioning about it being Women's Work and men being oh so wonderful to Help with housework and babysit the kids.

Anifrangapani Sun 06-Jan-13 17:59:45

It is as well my husband is on hand to look after the kids. They have a fighting chance of making it to adulthood. I find the gender stereotyping very depressing.

TheUnsinkableTitanic Sun 06-Jan-13 18:02:18

my DH is better with our children than me. very hands on
people don't post things like that

JamieandtheMagiTorch Sun 06-Jan-13 18:02:51

I think that some parents sadly don't seem to be able to do team work. Unfortunately, it's a steep learning curve when the DCs appear, not really predictable who it will work out for (and it does require work to parent as a team) and who it won't.

ILoveTIFFANY Sun 06-Jan-13 18:03:05

I find it depressing too

Lots of it in lone parents too

Disaronno Sun 06-Jan-13 18:03:16

Hope this is not a thread about my thread

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 06-Jan-13 18:03:46

I quite agree, Men are quite capable of looking after their own kids, my BIL looks after 2 under 4 and a teen, they doing pretty good.

Yeah Mums are seen as the main caregiver, but men are capable of making decisions regarding their children.

JamieandtheMagiTorch Sun 06-Jan-13 18:03:55


I think my DH is better at many things than me. I think we complement each ther though.

HecatePropolos Sun 06-Jan-13 18:03:59

It is, Ani.

Being in possession of a penis has no effect on your ability to feed or change a baby, or clean a house, or any of that stuff.

It just doesn't make it any harder than it does to learn it if you're a woman.

rhondajean Sun 06-Jan-13 18:04:27

It's not just in the early months too sadly, Jamie.

I'm actually starting to see it as a feminist issue - how can we have true equality until we can accept that men are as capable at housework and Childcare as women are?

<depressed at state of world so has ordered pizza>

rhondajean Sun 06-Jan-13 18:05:07

Haven't seen yours yet disarrono! Will it tip me over the edge?

SparkleSoiree Sun 06-Jan-13 18:05:24


To some people all men are incapable of perceived 'women's work' and need reminding of it every so often.

Personally I love my DH's parenting style and couldn't imagine doing it without him.

motherinferior Sun 06-Jan-13 18:05:33

It's more the cooking and housework ones that depress me.

Busyoldfool Sun 06-Jan-13 18:05:34

I agree. I don't llike the arrogance either but accept that some DH's might not be as good at particualr aspects of it. We split childcare- depending on who likes doing what and who is better at what and who is worlking when.

hermioneweasley Sun 06-Jan-13 18:05:51

I feel like I've seen the opposite - endless depressing threads about useless, selfish taunts of husbands/partners doing nothing on the home front, not because the mum is "precious".

TheUnsinkableTitanic Sun 06-Jan-13 18:06:09

aahhh Jamie, i agree. its a complementing thing smile

i have lots of strong points too

sausagesandwich34 Sun 06-Jan-13 18:07:41

I think that the women who live in a 50/50 partnership are actually very lucky and should recognise that fact rather than shoot down anyone who has a less than willing and able partner

rhondajean Sun 06-Jan-13 18:09:20

I'm not talking about less than willing and able though. I'm talking about one who are willing but aren't trusted or don't do it exactly the way the mother wants.

Agree the don't life a finger ones are just as bad.

Longtalljosie Sun 06-Jan-13 18:09:33

If someone's husband is being a lazy turd, the fault is theirs. Women are not responsible for men's behaviour - that, to me, is the feminist issue.

Lueji Sun 06-Jan-13 18:10:37

And those cases where the man is a good parent don't post about it. grin

PandaOnAPushBike Sun 06-Jan-13 18:10:57

I think different people have different strengths and weaknesses. My husband desperately wants to be good dad and will give it 100%. But ... he is utterly rubbish at practical things so the bulk of nappy changing, bathing etc will fall to me. On the other hand, he has more patience than I could dream of and is full of imagination and childish fun, so the bulk of bouncing crying baby and playing with bored toddler will fall to him.

JuliesSistersCousinsAuntsCat Sun 06-Jan-13 18:11:39

You won't hear that from me, DP is the SAHD and I go out to work. It has never occcured to me that he would be the lesser parent because he's a bloke. He's a great parent, my DS is a happy child and I earn the household money. Feels right for us.

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