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To think life will get harder with boys

(63 Posts)
notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 21:42:42

I have 5. I feel like the odd one out. They are currently playing monopoly with their dad. I asked that they were in bed by 9 in prep for the school run next week. If I say anything now it will look like I'm spoiling their fun. I feel like the older they get the more I'll get left out. I do alot with them & appreciate they're dad being so hands on but I can't help feeling increasingly left out.

notnagging Sun 06-Jan-13 21:30:04

Thank you very much Pacific. I do love my peace & quiet sometimes. Motherhood is challenging regardless isn't it? smile

PacificDogwood Sun 06-Jan-13 20:25:27

I've been thinking about you today, notnagging.

My DH can have the same tendency to let things slide/do stuff for an easy life which leaves me being 'bad cop' which I at times resent. And yes, sometimes I do feel I have 5 boys rather than the 4 child-sized ones grin.

However, I don't usually feel left out - I actually enjoy being left alone when, for once, they are all doing something testosterony IYKWIM.
I did not despise my mother as such when younger, just had little in common with her; we are v different personalities. I am/was much more similar to my dad, so got on better with him, even when we were fighting over what times I had to be home at.

And I still despise pink - not so much as a colour, there are nice pinks, but for its inexcapability and meh-ness wink. Shoes however is another matter... but then again I obsessed about them even before I ever had children.

Well done, for playing Monopoly together today. Hope you won!

notnagging Sun 06-Jan-13 19:06:09

I do make sure we have alot of 1:1 time. It is important in a big family especially with twins. We have a house big enough for them to have their own space as well which makes a big difference. I'm still trying to persuade my dh to convert to pink for the bedroomsmile
But we did all play monopoly as promised todaysmile

Chopstheduck Sun 06-Jan-13 14:12:35

I do agree with pom bear that girls can be a lot harder! I have one girl and three boys. The girl is the one that causes the most stress.

You can see other women for the girly things. I find that whatever i do with the kids is determined by their interests anyway, and I'm better finding friends to do the actual things I want to do with.

I think it's sometimes better too, jsut to have individual 1:1 times with the kids and really bond with them that way, especially with a larger family. I go to rugby matches with my oldest son, we've both really got into that and support a team. I've done a foodie weekend away with my daughter, and we cook together a lot. My youngest son loves music, and I help him practice his violin, and take him to concerts. His twin loves cycling, and we do a yearly 10 mile bike ride together, and cycle to the supermarket at weekends when we need shopping.

I don't feel left out with the boys at all, because I don't really see any of their interests being totally gender specific. I can't stand football, but they can do that with their dad, and I take them to football training sessions in the holidays and bugger off for a coffee in peace. But I do ohter stuff with them, so def not left out.

destinationanywhere Sun 06-Jan-13 14:04:14

I think the problem is that the DH just likes the stuff the boys do.

They all enjoy getting wet and muddy and running around. DH finds making a train track to run around the house or a massive lego city a challenge.

They like the same films, for example raiders of the lost arc. He enjoys playing on the PS with them, something which I have never had any desire to do.

I hate all of the above. I can imagine I might have enjoyed playing with dolls more. I am the odd one out. Don't get me wrong we do a lot of family things and are close but thats just how it goes.

I know a lovely lady with 2 adult sons who said the teenage years when they and her husband really bonded over football were very lonely.

I actually did do a lot with my mum as a teenager. I enjoyed her company and going for lunch and coffee.

I now have a lovely pink bedroom though!

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:46:29

Yes he is always up early in the mornings & luckily does most of the school runs. They will definitely be going to bed early tmw as he is going out tmw night!

ILikeWhisperingToo Sat 05-Jan-13 23:41:51

So will you AND your husband be following through on the early morning tomorrow?

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:40:15

I think I'm getting a bit ott on pink mrskeith. Dh bought me a big pink fluffy dressing gown for Christmas which I love. He commented that I would've put that in the bin a few years agosmile

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:32:50

Ilovesalad I never did that with my mum either. We did not get on still don't but I do miss having another female in the house. I probably would hate doing all of that in reality!

MrsKeithRichards Sat 05-Jan-13 23:29:10

Do get a hetty, I say good morning to her and she doesn't scratch her arse or grunt something about cheerios before turning the news over to power Ben thunder turtles.

minouminou Sat 05-Jan-13 23:29:07

I've got a somewhat - ahem - gender-fluid boy and a pissy pink girly girl.
The thought of schlepping around girly shops with either of them gives me the shits!
Just join in the Monopoly and stop genderising it! Make it a logistical, logical forward planning thing. "Right, guys, up early tomorrow, let's wrap this up in ten......"

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Sat 05-Jan-13 23:23:26

people are bonkers, do some people really think having a teenage girl = loads of mummy-daughter shopping trips and double manicures??? WTF I couldn't bear my mother from about 12yrs to about 24yrs! I actually couldn't bear to even breath the same air as her! Menapause + female teenager hormones does not make for girly chats and bonding!!! Got on much better with my dad as a teenager!

TeaMakesItAllPossible Sat 05-Jan-13 23:22:02

Oh maybe not - I have had snail and slug issues, in the house, a number of times with DS4 (2). Last year i suffered slug foot a number of times when I got up at 6am to put on heating and make bottle/tea. Horrid!

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:18:45

grinYou Lot have really made me laugh, thank you. I do try & pretend sometimes but I get found out so quickly. I sit through 2hrs of kickboxing when I have 2 but cannot understand why ds1 insists on going to rugby every Saturday at 8shock
I got wii Zumba for Christmas & I could see them all laughing through the door. Far too girly

TeaMakesItAllPossible Sat 05-Jan-13 23:18:27

<realises her Henry is broken and decides Hetty is on her list>

MrsKeithRichards Sat 05-Jan-13 23:17:37

Although she couldn't hoover up the slimy snail trails on my hall walls after ds's new pets escaped out his coat pocket. Useless moo.

MrsKeithRichards Sat 05-Jan-13 23:15:38

I didn't think I was a girly person until I had two boys!I bought myself a pink hetty to replace the boy henry just to balance things up.

CurlyhairedAssassin Sat 05-Jan-13 23:12:16

I guess it depends on how old they are too. I actually work in a boys' schools and absolutely love working with teenage boys - I could never imagine working with girls! So it's quite ironic that I feel left out at home!!! But mine are still junior age - I reckon when they are teenagers they will be clashing with their dad more and coming to me again for advice about girls etc whereas now they just hero worship dh!! I am waiting for the teenage years when they will be mine again ha ha!

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 23:10:58

grinMost definitely tea. I think it's my subconscious. I did have my own space but gave it up for ds1. Dh & I have spoken about separate bedrooms. I wish. Mine would be so pink, fluffy & flowery. My make up bag is growing as well as my shoe collection. I would never imagine saying that 10 years agosmile

TeaMakesItAllPossible Sat 05-Jan-13 23:04:42

And hamster cage is the smell I've been trying to identify!

TeaMakesItAllPossible Sat 05-Jan-13 23:02:16

Hehehe. Now laughing at postbox challenge.

CurlyhairedAssassin Sat 05-Jan-13 23:02:13

YANBU. I felt the same on holiday this year. We went abroad for the first time this year and the boys spent most of their time in the pool or sea playing sharks and diving and splashing etc. DH loves all that and i'm not really a swimmer so it was mainly just the 3 of them most of the time while I paddled about now and again feeling a bit left out. The other 3 like water parks too so I had to go to one of those which I didn't enjoy. It was the first time we've ever gone on a holiday without extended family too so I really missed having another female around to chat with.

Even in the evenings, DH and the DS's were messing around on the iPad playing geeky games and didn't show much interest in my suggestions of card games etc. I don't know, I suppose I could have felt the same if one of them had been a girl but I just felt for the first time that I was not a part of the "boys' club".

So I know how you feel, notnagging. I know my boys still need me but the things that they are becoming more interested in as they get older eg martial arts and swimming and guitar are exactly what DH loves so of course they think he is loads more fun than I am with my books and piano and non-sporty interests!


AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug Sat 05-Jan-13 23:00:09

I've got 5 boys and I've never really felt that way but I understand why you do, especially if your DH is undermining you.

I've always been quite tomboyish too so am quite happy rambling round fields or playing computer games. Luckily none of mine are into sports do I don't have to stand around in crap weather pretending I'm enjoying myself!

My teenager quite likes going shopping with me still, as long as we fit in a trip to the game shop! I'm also getting them into carrying all my shopping for me too.

TeaMakesItAllPossible Sat 05-Jan-13 23:00:04


I have a dream for a girl shed. It will have roses, pretty curtains and lovely pale blue chairs. I will be able to read and gossip with friends in it. I will invite my boys in when I wish them to be there one at a time and I will make them serve tea from a pot. My DH wants an invite to said dream girl shed.

I am a tomboy, wear trousers, work in a male dominated industry, play a rough sport and swear like a sweary man on a construction site. I brought my first heels when my first son was born and they just keep getting higher. It's just a reaction to my environment which i love. Perhaps a support group is required?

notnagging Sat 05-Jan-13 22:53:27

Tell me about it wife of pie. Just looking at them wears me out. I sent ds2&3 to the post box 2 mins away today. They were gone so long & I was frantic. They'd walked to the post office half an hour away because it was more of a challengehmm

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