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To have walked off and said nothing to this child/mother?

(141 Posts)
TwigsWithStupidLittleLightsOn Sat 05-Jan-13 21:28:16

Hello. Long time lurker.

Soft play. A girl of what I guessed was 4/5 walked up to my 21mo and totally unprovoked, shoves him in the chest. Hard. I'm biased, but he had done absolutely nothing wrong. Not even looked at her. No toy stealing or anything. He falls backwards onto the floor and bursts into tears (understandably).

Mother/carer of this girl doesn't acknowledge me or DS but takes the girl by the arm and tells her to say sorry. Girl ignores her and walks off. Mother does nothing. Says fuck all to me. Not even an apologetic look. By this time I've picked my son up and I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to calm him down.

I don't suffer fools and normally I would have said something. I was so shocked that I walked off with hysterical DS in tow. If he had done that to another child I would have died. Apologies all round.

Is this normal behaviour? Was her pathetic attempt to make her child show some kind of remorse sufficient and AIBU to think it was not? Should I have said something or was I right to just leave it?

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 06-Jan-13 13:23:30

I think teaching your child to sort out disagreements and stand up for themselves in a non aggressive manner is a very very important life skill. Just saying. smile

rainrainandmorerain Sun 06-Jan-13 13:28:40

uptheamp - feel free to tell me then who/what you were responding to when you said 'really? I think they are perfectly capable. even really young children.'

I think you have been quite clear here about what your approach to small children playing and being very rough with each other is.

I would not want to leave my children in the care of someone with such a laissez faire attitude.

I think we can all understand there's a difference between rough and tumble and deliberately bullying or unacceptably aggressive behaviour. I think it's also fair to accept that very small children should not be expected to display an adult-like control over their emotions and behaviour, because that's not fair or realistic. But that doesn't mean, to me, that therefore we should just 'leave them all to it'. You have given the clear impression of being opposed to any kind of intervention from adults.

Perhaps the fairest thing here is to ask if you want to give an example of when you WOULD intervene in a play situation, and how.

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 06-Jan-13 13:32:16

Upthump I'd leave my dc with you, I prefer them to be independent then be hovered over and you seem to have lots of common sense. Take no notice of the sheep on here they love getting their claws stuck in and not pick over posts.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 06-Jan-13 13:35:15

Uptheramp, I think the problem has come because you said that most children wouldn't bat an eyelid at seeing a 4/5 year old push over a nearly 2 year old, and that they would have to deal with it when they got to school.

These things just aren't true, not in half decent schools anyway.

You implied that no intervention was needed in the situation that OP described, and then went back on that by saying you would intervene. Which is it?

I certainly hope you would intervene if you saw a child pushing over another child, even if they were the same size, never mind when one is much smaller.

Children do need to be taught what is acceptable, and if they are not, that's when they turn into older children that are not very nice people.

rainrainandmorerain Sun 06-Jan-13 14:30:09

I love my children being independent. I think it is HUGELY important to encourage them and equip them to make their own way in the world - as happy, caring children and hopefully the same as adults.

I will not have them bullying or being bullied. I will not stand by while one pre-schooler attacks another, or witness an abusive situation without intervening. I will take responsbility for my children's behaviour and be active as a parent when I need to be.

Not really a controversial view, I don't think.

WhySoSirius Sun 06-Jan-13 15:29:24

Uptheamp - I think you need to go back and read your posts from an outside perspective. No one here has launched a personal attack except you.

Children should be allowed freedom relative to their age and adults should step in to support and guide them. Deliberately shoving a child in the chest is not acceptable behaviour. It is physical abuse (albeit mild). I'm sure everyone here accepts that children will be accidentally shoved (perhaps because they are in the way) and this is to be expected however in cases of violence an adult needs to intervene appropriately.

I personally hate play centres as I always end up having to go into the multicoloured cage of doom myself and you can just see it crawling with germs and I'm very wary of stealth poo.

pigletmania Sun 06-Jan-13 16:28:08

Yes if the chi,dren are older ad do not have sn tan they should sort out their own problems to a degree ( unless bullying is involved). Toddlers do not have the understanding or cognitive skills to dirt out disagreements so do need adult intervention

TwigsWithStupidLittleLightsOn Sun 06-Jan-13 19:05:43



Don't jump into a thread with a strong viewpoint then retreat, whimpering, with your tail between your legs when people react. Shit happens.

rainrainandmorerain Sun 06-Jan-13 20:58:06

It is funny that the strongest advocate of the 'leave them to sort it out themselves' anti intervention approach is the one who has reported posts on the thread to MN, and wants them to step in!

Having seen some real scraps on mn, then I really don't think there is anything here which is 'picking on someone' - it's not even been that much of a heated thread, really.

But even if there was some virtual 'pushing' surely amp should be able to sort it out herself? If toddlers can....

TwigsWithStupidLittleLightsOn Sun 06-Jan-13 21:13:58

Oh the irony grin

Seriously, it's been really interesting seeing the different takes on this. If it happened to me again I still can't say what I'd do.

manormuppet Sun 06-Jan-13 21:20:53

Funny to see all the deletions on this thread, wonder who's been reporting smile

Dominodonkey Sun 06-Jan-13 21:34:01

I am disgusted that my post has been deleted just because someone has thrown their toys put of the pram. In my opinion amps approach is a joke and I resent the idea that she is trying to use tax payers money to promote her doctrine that kids should be allowed to run riot. Mumsnet - please grow a pair.

Dominodonkey Sun 06-Jan-13 21:35:28

If you have delete it because I used the word 'crap' then that is also ridiculous as I have seen plenty of far worse words used.

manormuppet Sun 06-Jan-13 21:41:52

Typical toys out of the pram poster domino, I am surprised mnhq went for it.

everlong Sun 06-Jan-13 21:42:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dominodonkey Sun 06-Jan-13 22:02:46

manor thank you- at least half of the threads on AIBU are far more robust than this one. It's probably worth getting deleted for the classic irony of the situation though.

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