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Husband wants a lie in while we have guests over.

(149 Posts)
Empross76 Fri 04-Jan-13 23:54:02

A friend if mine, her husband and children are popping over tomorrow morning for a cuppa, catch up and to exchange Xmas pressies for the kids. Just for an hour or so.
My husband has told me he will stay in bed and have a lie in while this happens.
He is not very sociable and never instigates social situations, although he is very witty, entertaining and fun in these situations, and has friends.
He just doesn't see why he should lose the chance for a lie in cos of 'my' visitors.
I disagree - I think if a family pops in to see us then we should host as a family. I will be beyond embarrassed having to make up a white lie about him having a headache or something to keep him in bed.
I think he's being selfish and childish. What do you think? AIBU?!!!!

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:22:47

I can't be with a socially inept person OP, why did you marry him in the first place?

Casmama Sat 05-Jan-13 00:22:55

I would just wait unil they get there then shout p to him very loudly that friends are here and then if he doesn't come down joke about him being a lazy arse and tell all the children to go up and jump on the bed to wake him up.

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 00:24:16

Clipped Phoenix - not socially inept, socially lazy!
Casmama smile!

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 00:24:57

And Talkative Jim smile!

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:26:37

so just rude then?

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 00:28:08

I think so, Clipped Phoenix.

BackforGood Sat 05-Jan-13 00:28:09

My dh sometimes has people popping in for a coffee / chat or meeting about something - if I happen to be in the kitchen / lounge or whatever when they arrive, then I'll say hello and make a bit of small talk, but I won't then go and sit with them for an hour - they are dh's friends.
Similarly, I have some people that will come to see me, that dh won't make sure he's available for. Would say hello if he happened to be passing through at the same time as them, but not put it in his diary to be there, nor stay in the same room if we were chatting.
Some friends we have that we are 'couple' friends with, but those that are particularly my friends, or his friends, we can each cope with seeing on our own. It strikes me that you have guests over, not "we", which makes all the difference here.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 00:30:07

' DH won't do things if he doesn't want to, even if it's the right thing to do.'

A grown man not wanting to do something he's not keen on?? shock Whatever next?

And do you mean not doing what you're telling him to do when you say 'even if it's the right thing to do'?

He doesn't want to socialise with these friends, that's completely his choice.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 05-Jan-13 00:30:13

Holy Holly - Good Golly!

HeathRobinson Sat 05-Jan-13 00:30:29

'while we have guests over'

Well, not really, you said it was a friend of yours etc...

Why do you need your husband?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:30:33

The fact that Empross has guests over should still warrant him making an effort for her.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sat 05-Jan-13 00:31:16

He thinks that because he has a penis, he doesn't need to display decent manners or do anything he doesn't want to do. Being polite and accepting that sometimes you have to do stuff you'd rather not do, for the sake of other people, is women's work in his opinion.

Why not make yourself a list of all the times he's refused to do something purely because he isn't prepared to put himself out for anyone else? Then have a hard think about what his good points are.

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 00:31:19

Thanks Back For Good. Maybe it's the staying in bed and opting out totally that's pissed me off. I think if he was lurking about doing his own thing but said hello and engaged a bit I'd be okay. I'm friends with the wife, so I just think that if she's bringing her husband then it would be nice if my husband were around too. In his own house!
I've made friends with some of DH's friends wives due to social situations. I'd never opt out. Just wouldn't do it.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:34:26

I'm with solid on this one, he should make an effort for YOU OP, of course he should.

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 00:34:43

Agent Zigzag - I mean not doing things that I think are common courtesy. Or no-brainers that the kids need, like the examples I gave.

tigerdriverII Sat 05-Jan-13 00:34:56

Empross. I don't think you should beat him up about this. DH (have known him for 30 years) just doesn't do social things. I do. I do them, he doesn't that's fine. Each to their own

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:35:14

He's rude and selfish OP.

LuluMai Sat 05-Jan-13 00:35:23

Holly why is getting up late idleness? I could say the same thing about going to bed early! Fed up of morning people assuming they have more moral fortitude than people who are night owls.

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 00:35:40

SolidGold & Clipped Phoenix - I'm with you, too!

PepsiCoco Sat 05-Jan-13 00:36:31


NamingOfParts Sat 05-Jan-13 00:38:41

You host them (you invited them). You give them refreshment according to age and time of day. They will stay for a while and then they will leave. If your DH wakes he will come down and say hello.

Have I missed something?

TalkativeJim Sat 05-Jan-13 00:39:05

Maybe opt out next time, OP.

And let him feel embarrassed and fuming...

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 00:39:36

Thanks Tiger Driver. I guess I feel like SolidGold said - wish there was a bit of effort for things involving me or be kids. Thing is, when he doesn't try to wheedle out of things and gets involved, he's brilliant! Life & soul! He's just an awkward bugger to get into the situation in the first place.
Thanks for all the posts - am new to Mumsnet and haven't posted much, have found it really good to get different view and expertise. So thanks all for your time.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 00:41:21

I don't have a penis, but I would hide out if DH brought friends round and I didn't want to mill about while they were there.

Not being rude, just choosing what I want to do as an adult.

I've been a lot happier since I realised that I don't have to do everything other people expect of me.

They can fucking expect away, I make my own choices.

tigerdriverII Sat 05-Jan-13 00:41:30

Aaaaargh. Solidgold. This is the first time I've ever disagreed with you. However, it's not the worst it could be, but it's our first big disagreement.......

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