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To think there are reasons for favouring mothers?

(181 Posts)
AnneNonimous Fri 04-Jan-13 23:28:30

I am well prepared to be completely flamed for this but here goes.

I see a lot of stuff on here about equal rights for parents - that there is no reason why a mother should be favoured over a father when it comes to caring for their children etc. I'm not 100% sure what the current situation is now when people go to court, I know mothers generally were favoured over fathers unless there was a very good reason for them not to be. If someone could update me I'd be grateful!

Now I would like to say that I do think fathers should have equal responsibilities to their children. That fathers should always have access rights unless there is a child protection issue.

But AIBU in thinking that there is good reason for favouring mothers when it comes to divorces and residency?

As a mother I know it would just kill me to have my son not live with me. His dad doesn't and has never felt that way. He might think it would be better if he did but he doesn't feel what I would feel. And to me this seems to be the general case. It just isn't the same. My dad was and is a great dad, I know he loved me as much as my mum did. But there was still something very different. She still misses me terribly if we are away from eachother for a long period of time. And he never seemed to feel that.

I know there are exceptions, but there must be a reason why so many men walk away from their children so easily when so few women can do that? I know of countless men that have walked out on their kids very easily. I know of one woman - who was a drug addict all the time.

I'm not sexist I don't think. There is just an obvious difference in being a mum and being a father and I'm sure I can't be the only one to see that?

ithaka Sun 06-Jan-13 21:15:06

Op, I would have agreed with you, but years of MN have taught me lots of women don't feel the same way about their DC as I do about my DC.

I do hope you are not implying you love your children more than 'lots of women' - a not very nice assumption made extra vile by following my post about my husband and my different ways of coping with the loss of a child.

LynetteScavo Sun 06-Jan-13 21:22:20

I knew someone would take it like that, ithaka.

I feel one way, other mothers feel differently (So I've learned)

If you choose to take it as a vile comment, that's up to you. I make no apologies about the way I feel, and don't expect anyone else to.

ithaka Sun 06-Jan-13 21:33:01

I did not ask for an apology, I was just surprised by the insensitivity of your post.

AnneElliott Sun 06-Jan-13 21:44:28

I agree with you OP but the rest of MN won't! In the experience I give had with friends whose relationship breaks up the dads walk out, are happy to have their free single life back again and see the kids as a duty to be shirked as often as possible. It could just be the relatively small sample but I have never seen a dad in real life take a 50% parenting role.

StuntGirl Sun 06-Jan-13 21:49:15

I have anne. Is one of us wrong? No. We just have different experiences.

LynetteScavo Sun 06-Jan-13 21:51:43

ithaka, my post wasn't aimed directly at you.

If you feel that me stating I feel differently to others is insensitive, then I apologise for upsetting you.

Even though you didn't ask me to.

I was most surprised to discover I feel differently to others, but that is the beauty of MN.

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