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AIBU?

To feel absolutely gutted by brothers behaviour and want him to sod off- long post!!

46 replies

Damash12 · 03/01/2013 18:30

I'll try and keep this short as possible but would really like some of your honest opinions before I know what will be a huge argument tomorrow.
Ok, brother is 36 has his own house but has always relied on mum to bail him out cash wise. Mum died in May 2011 and it soon becomes apparent how much she did bail him out. He has no concept of money and believes you put nipping to the pub, lottery, nights out at the top of the weekly essential list before bills. Anyway, after mum passed he got in financial difficulty and was understandably depressed over the loss and decides rather than lose his house to rent it out and go and lodge at a mates house for £80 pw. This was last November and didn't last long as said friend wouldn't put any heating on and then wanted extra money for bills which initially was included. It also turned out that friend started charging him from the date he started putting some if his belongings into his property (so basically £80 a week to house a wardrobe!)It was further from his workplace and quite clearly not that much cheaper han the £1000 outlay he had when at his own home. On Jan 21st last year, he came to my house very depressed and down and we discussed asking mums husband if he could live there while he got on his feet. I had reservastions about this and already pre-empted what SD would say. Brother likes gaming and watching tv all night. SD in late 60's coming to terms with loss of his wife and a tidy kind of person which brother is not!!
Anyway, while he went to ask I spoke to my husband and asked if he could live here temporarily (6 months) Bless him, husband mortified but says if its what I want then fine but he doesn't want opinionated brother treating the place like an hotel. Brother comes back and SD has I predicted said no as didn't want to fall out if they didn't get on but would loan him the £900 he owed out - £500 to friend and £400 to dad. (Can't live at dads as he is in a 1 bed council bungalow). Myself, DH and DS live in a 2 bed terraced with a converted loft so not a massive deal of room for us but when he came back I said I had spoken with DH and he could stay in the loft for £30 pw on the condition he cleared his debts. He comes home with £270 pw or £320 if doing overtime, he also does friends decorating and about once every 3 months gets a painting job that generates about £300. We planned that if he moved in in Feb until Nov he would have cleared his debts and would have around £2000 saved and be ready to start again in his own house. Fast forward to this November and he mentions he will be staying here 6 longer (no discussion). Periodically I have asked him if he has paid SD back, "No I need to clear over draft /tax car/credit card/buy pressies first" Anything but actually make any paymet to SD. Mid december, things come to an head and me and DH are now fed up with untidyness, sarcky comments and general lack of respect and by this time may I add I am now 7months pregnant and we are getting even shorter on space. Anyway, it now materialises he now owes double the amount he did before he moved in!! Now has 2 overdrafts, not paid SD, borrowed again from dad, not paid off crdit cards and now owes garage for work to his car. While all the time regularly going out for meals with gf, 4 pack of stella most nights and lottery on every occasion. I went mad and was told the debt with SD was none of my business and between him and SD. I said he made it my business when he came to live here for £30 a week. Also bear in mind that me and dh are not well off and have had our own money issues to clear as dh was out of work the previous year so we have been clawing back from that. We borrowed from SD also to get dh a reliable car when he got a new job as it involved travelling. SD made it clear he needed the money back by August to clear his mortgage so we made his payments a priority and cannot tell you the last time we had a night out and we certainly had no holidays and birthdays where based on promises of things when back on our feet. We paid him back. Since argument with brother I have now found out he has also started smoking again... apparently due to being stressed about money -talk about contradiction!! anyway, there is noooooooooo way I am having him living here when baby arrives and him breathing fag breath over baby, secondly I told him if he hadn't packed in the fags by new year he could pay us £50pw this was met with a roll of the eyes and a "whatever". He hasn't stopped and even came home with 4 pack of stella last night. Tomorrow is the day I will insist on £50 not £30 -if he can afford to drink and smoke he can afford to pay more to live here - AIBU?? Secondly, I feel so hurt and used that why should we put him up when we are so short on space and now living here for £30pw will not make any dent in his debts now even if I do let him stay til May. AIBU to ask him to end the tenancy and sod off back to his own house???? (he has to give 2months notice, so he'll still be here until mid march. Thirdly, baby will be here by end of Jan, AIBU to stand my ground and say he goes anywhere but here if he continues to be a smoker once the baby arrives - I can't stand the smell and please bear in mind DH was an occasional smoker until I was 6 months pregnant and really put in the effort to quit way in advance of the new baby arriving so like fuck I'm going to let brother think it's ok and if I hear "I don't smoke in the house" I'll scream. Sorry for long rant and thanks to anyone that reads it but I feel sooooo gutted and feel me and DH have been treated like shit!!!! Any advice??

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cocolepew · 03/01/2013 18:34

Tell him to bag his stuff and go.