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To want to return this jewellery to the store?

(27 Posts)
AndBingoWasHisNameOh Thu 03-Jan-13 11:04:32

DH bought me a necklace as my Christmas present. Quite honestly it's not my colour and it is too short for my liking. Because of the colour and design using a necklace extender won't really work. When I opened it he kept saying "you do like it, don't you, I tried hard to find something you'd like". I obviously wasn't enthusiastic enough as he said "well I've got the gift receipt if you do want to return it but I hope you like it". He bought it in a department store so a return per se wouldn?t be an issue.

So today I've just looked up how much it cost and it was over £500! I thought it would have been around the £80 mark. Really not looking to make this thread a big stealth boast but this is important for context - we are very fortunate to be in the position that buying this does not make any significant difference to our financial position so it isn't like anyone is going without due to its purchase. But still, its £500! There is also a side peeve that during our relationship I've always tried hard to buy him thoughtful presents that he would like whereas he has form on a number of occasions (although to be fair not all) for just buying more expensive things at the last minute so I suspect his "I tried hard" meant he spent more than 15 minutes browsing in the store.

I appreciate I'm probably coming over as an ungrateful cow ? who would object to their husband buying them jewellery? But the thing is I feel in an uncomfortable position. Either I keep the necklace and try and wear it and if it had been the price I was expecting I may have but for that kind of money I'd want something I really love and I'm struggling to like it, let alone love it. Or I return it and potentially hurt DH's feelings. Frankly I'd like to return it but AIBU and ungrateful?

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Tue 08-Jan-13 11:39:43


So I told him. I said that it was very lovely, thoughtful and generous of him and whilst the piece is lovely it didn't suit me and so would he might awfully if we took it back and picked something else out together? I got a bit of kicked puppy dog but he perked up soon and yesterday we returned it - I tried myself but they'd only give me gift vouchers and I didn't want to be tied to the store it came from. We will choose something together when we get a chance.

Thanks for everyone's help and advice, much appreciated.

Itsjustafleshwound Thu 03-Jan-13 14:51:45

Why hang on to jewellery you won't wear to spare feelings? Exchanging the necklace for something more fitting to your tastes and lifestyle is a much better use of a gift than hanging on to something that is just going to linger in a drawer.

He might be upset but then surely he will understand that you are rejecting the jewellery design but not the loving gesture behind the gift?

diddl Thu 03-Jan-13 14:45:13

My husband knows better than to buy me jewellry unless I choose it/have pointed out the exact thing I want.

It´s such a personal thing.

Although I´m not really a jewellry person-I only like earrings & bracelets & have enough of each!

I´d be exchanging for a tablet-I´d love one but we can´t afford itsad

SantasENormaSnob Thu 03-Jan-13 14:34:25

Definitely return it.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 03-Jan-13 14:03:53

My DH sounds a lot like yours. He has overspent on things that I don't particularly need, want, or like, but has his way of making me feel like I'm kicking a puppy if I don't love it.

I've told him straight now, after too many of these gifts, that if he is going to spend over £50 he needs to be 100% sure that I will like it. And the only way that's going to happen is if he asks me. I email DH with links to stuff I like and then he chooses what to get from that.

In your position, I'd look at other things on the department store website that I like and email him the links. Then let him exchange it for something I have pre approved, but that he has chosen. When he does that, it will be worth at least a week of ego stroking and gushing about how thankful and lucky you are.

That way you get a gift you like, he gets to feel like the big generous man, everyone's a winner.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 03-Jan-13 13:54:31

This happened to me last year, DH bought me an expensive but hideous necklace. He was happy for me to return it and choose a necklace I liked. I didn't get to spend the difference on more stuff for me though grin.

Jins Thu 03-Jan-13 13:48:55

I had a similar gift one year but nowhere near that price range. DH isn't known for his shopping abilities and he made the mistake of asking advice from the ladies he worked with. The result was a necklace I've worn twice sad

I didn't take it back because I don't really wear jewellery so wouldn't be able to choose something I preferred iyswim. I do worry that he thinks I don't like it because it doesn't get worn but it's not as if anything gets worn instead so hopefully I've got away with it.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Thu 03-Jan-13 12:08:12

I'm glad to hear I'm not being a cow. If it were cheap I'd just wear it once or twice but the cost! He is going to do his sad face and mumble about how he thought I'd love it but how he can't get anything right in a rather passive aggressive way.

I think he was trying to treat me - it has been a stressful year for various reasons and I've done a lot to protect him from the worst of it and he knows that.

I'm going to try the necklace on again tonight and see if I like it any more but if not I think I'll conclude his feelings are worth less than £500 wink and return it to the store.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 03-Jan-13 12:01:48

I'd definitely return it! If it'd be something cheap, you could say it's nice, not your favourite but nice, and maybe wear it occasionally. But for 500 quid he's going to be gutted when - inevitably - you don't get much wear out of it.

Pancakeflipper Thu 03-Jan-13 11:54:59

Return and get what you want.

Last year my DP got me an expensive piece of jewellery. It wasn't me. I tried to like it.
He returned it and with the money I got a jewellery designer to make me an item of jewellery that was me ( and it's engraved with personal words). It's gorgeous. I love it.

DP got over his initial little grump especially when he saw what I was having made.

TheFallenMadonna Thu 03-Jan-13 11:53:39

Go back with him, and choose together. Which means you choose, but explain to him why you like it and get him to enthusiastically agree.

fairylightsandtinsel Thu 03-Jan-13 11:53:31

Return it. jewellery, like art, is a very personal thing and hard to get right when buying for others. I never let Dh buy me earrings as you can rarely return them (though some jewellers do now seal them in a bag so you can). If you don't and never wear it, you may as well take the money and burn it, its a waste. Even leaving the money aside, make sure you take him with you and explain why you like the thing you exchanged it for, why the colour suits you, why you like the length of chain that makes the pendant sit THERE etc, then he might remember for next time smile

middleagedspread Thu 03-Jan-13 11:49:52

I feel for you. My DH once bought me a hideous handbag, a real WAG bag. He was so excited but could tell when I opened it that I hated it.
I do think honesty is the best policy, I exchange it for one that I loved & now when I use it he tells everyone he chose it. Course you did love.
Definitely exchange for something you like & will enjoy.

wonkylegs Thu 03-Jan-13 11:49:08

I've been in this position with a considerably cheaper piece of jewellery that really doesn't suit me & DH has been insulted that I never wear it (it makes me look daft) as I personally only return gifts if they are faulty as to me it feels rude. Dependent on how observant your DH is it could be a lose lose situation I'm afraid so go with your gut as to what feels best for you.

Convict224 Thu 03-Jan-13 11:48:57

I would return it too. I have a very expensive necklace in my jewelry box, along with lots of earrings, that I have only worn a couple of times to please my ex. I wish I had returned them and picked something I really like.

bluebiscuit Thu 03-Jan-13 11:43:56

I'd return it. He didn't put much thought into it, despite the fact that it was really expensive.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 03-Jan-13 11:43:50

I meant return the original present, and exchange it, not buy yet another item on top, sorry!

orangepudding Thu 03-Jan-13 11:41:35

Return it but take him with you so he can see what you like.

Nanny0gg Thu 03-Jan-13 11:37:37

I'd return it. I've been bought the occassional piece of not-quite-so-expensive jewellery that I've disliked and I'm afraid they've never been out of their boxes.
That's a huge waste.
Just say, you did like it, but going into the shop you spied something that you really adored (just delivered!) and you would get more wear out of, rather than a 'special occassion' piece. So would he really mind if you changed it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 03-Jan-13 11:23:37

You could look for something you prefer, maybe not costing as much as £500, then buy it and buy him something with the excess, eg a watch or cuff links or any item of jewellery he might conceivably wear. That would take away any sting he felt at you not liking the original piece.

Strangemagic Thu 03-Jan-13 11:20:45

I used to work in a jewellery shop,especially at christmas husbands used to come in in a bit of a panic,and bearing in mind we worked on comission,you could sort of "encourage" them to purchase things that their wives would not choose for themselves.
In the new year would would get lots of returns,and if I was you I would return it.

anastaisia Thu 03-Jan-13 11:11:44

Tell him you think it's a lovely gift but it feels too short/tight when you wear it - could you go together and pick an alternative that feels more comfortable to wear?

tzella Thu 03-Jan-13 11:11:30

I'd say to DH that you do like it as it's a lovely thing but that it's not your colour and doesn't fit properly. If you really want to smooth this over then choose something you do like and show him, saying "This is the sort of thing I like! Just for future reference! wink"

YANBU. And I can't see this is a massive problem.

BexieID Thu 03-Jan-13 11:10:01

Return it and get yourself something you actually like and would wear. Even take him with you so he gets to know what you like?

Yakshemash Thu 03-Jan-13 11:09:23

YANBU. He'll get over it. Get yourself something you'll wear and love and just thank him loads for being so generous. I'm sure he'd rather see you happy than wearing something that doesn't suit you with gritted teeth.

Now all I've got to do is get my mother to stop buying me mumsnet unsuitable scarves...

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