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To return our cat to the rescue home we got her from?

(217 Posts)
DreamingofFour Thu 03-Jan-13 08:56:37

Our 10 year old cat has always been shy and twitchy, which we put down to a hard life before we got her from the Cat Rescue Home 3 years ago. But since we moved house six months ago she has become a bit of a nightmare. She keeps weeing & pooing all over the new house, and despite our best efforts (putting out cat lit if she wants it, helping her thru cat flap etc) she seems to be getting worse. Now she is really jumpy and even more shy. We have taken her to the vet, who said there was nothing physically wrong but wondered if it was psychological and should she have Prozac. At the same time we are dealing with our youngest waking up every night, all the kids sick, work etc etc so we don't have the capacity to be cleaning up the sofa from cat wee/poo every day.(The latest spot she chose). Given that she isn't very happy, would it be ok to return her to the cat rescue home where I suspect she would be happier?
Anyone else been in this situation?

Thanks for your help

Squirrelface Sat 05-Jan-13 16:11:59

There seems to be confusion on this thread between a cat being incontinent (ie having no control over its bladder/bowel function) and a cat which is peeing and pooing in the wrong places due to stress. It would seem that the OP's cat has the latter problem, which is much more likely to be correctable (by dealing with the causes of stress).

PessaryPam Sat 05-Jan-13 12:27:38

Sorry that was not aimed at you missmartha, just at the others who would not put up with 6 months of cat poo and wee with small kids in the house.

MN text reads We would like to remind you that our raison d'être is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support. We ask members to respect each other's opinions even if they don't agree with them.

I have had very little respect from some posters here. I hope they all got the same warning. The OP has been comprehensively slagged off too and I feel for her.

missmartha Sat 05-Jan-13 12:18:05


PessaryPam Sat 05-Jan-13 12:15:39

The cat lovers will report you so be be very careful.

missmartha Sat 05-Jan-13 12:12:32

I could not take the cat. I have a dog, an elderly dog, and keeping a cat would distress her.
Yes you're right, she could give her course the heave ho, but as her mother chose to have a cat in the first place, it seems a bit harsh to do that.

No, mother's bf is not allergic.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sat 05-Jan-13 11:28:08

Maybe the new boyfriend is allergic to cats and the mother has prioritized him over an animal, which is fair enough. Some people are. Though some pet-obsessed people think that an animal-fur allergy is attention-seeking and/or evidence of moral failing - which can be a bit rough on DC or new partners who are supposed to put up with the discomfort of sneezing, wheezing, skin rashes and/or regular doses of strong medication as the other family members choose to put the animal ahead of the person.

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 10:43:46

She could give up her course and get a job. Or you could take the cat.

Gordy- so you put your cat through 6 months of distress?

missmartha Sat 05-Jan-13 10:40:52

She can't afford one. She's a student and HAS to share a pet less property because she's skint.

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 10:38:05

Why doesn't your ds's girlfriend just move into a properly where she can have the cat?

gordyslovesheep Sat 05-Jan-13 10:37:30

Seeker my girl cat took about 6mths to settle WITH TREATMENT - the op hasn't treated the cat

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 10:34:48

"Some people just don't 'get' pets at all. No sense of responsibility for them at all.

Good thing there isn't anybody like that on this thread, isn't it?

missmartha Sat 05-Jan-13 10:26:11

Some people just don't 'get' pets at all. No sense of responsibility for them at all.

My son's girl friends mum has been divorced for a few years and has a new boyfriend. She wants the cat to go. This is the family pet of many years but it doesn't it now doesn't go with her life style so she want it to go to the pet rescue. Son's girl friend would take the cat but lives in a 'no pet' student house a few hundred miles away.

I am horribly distressed that my son is getting involved with this family to be frank, we've always had pets (dog sitting next to me as I type) and have never thought of them as disposable.

OP should, I think, get proper advice to solve her cat's problem. It could be very simple, who knows.It's a bit soon to be thinking about euthanasia imo.

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 09:54:40

We don't actually know whatbthe OP has done or hasn't done. She asked for advice and hasn't been back. She may be trying everything suggested as we speak.

But 6 months is usually long enough for a cat to settle down in new surroundings. and 6 months is a very long time for a cat to be suffering the distress of not being able to keep itself and its surroundings clean- denying it's fundamental instincts.

The OP may or may not have screwed this up- but the cat is in distress. And is continuing to be in distress. That is what we have to face up to.

Morloth Sat 05-Jan-13 09:37:58

Does anyone actually believe that a 10 year old cat with anxiety problems and incontinence has anything to look forward to other than a cage/death if she is returned to a rescue?


It is a great big pile of bullshit to talk about 'rehoming' in these circumstances. If the cat doesn't stay with the OP the cat is likely dead. So if the OP really can't be arsed the 'right' thing to do is to have the cat put down.

gordyslovesheep Sat 05-Jan-13 09:33:04

seeker I think you are comparing cheese with bicycle clips - I myself had had animals with cancer and kidney failure PTS because it was the end of their lives and they where in pain - you simply can not compare that with the OP position though

I think you are confusing caring with lazy arsed can't be bothered pet ownership

HazleNutt Sat 05-Jan-13 09:29:12

If it is obvious that the poor animal would have a miserable life until the end of its days then yes it's kinder to end it. I don't see it in OPs case though. One of my cats was exactly the same, stressed because of moving and started doing her business all over - sofa, wardrobes, beds. Extremely frustrating.

She needed some help already discussed on this thread and is at the moment happily sleeping on the sofa, doing her business where she's supposed to and certainly does not seem to be suffering. No, I don't think it would have been better for her to kill her.

Morloth Sat 05-Jan-13 09:18:39

Yes, but I assume at 42 your mum wasn't totally reliant on you to deal with it?

I would not subject an animal I love to a painful/unpleasant life because I was too gutless to make the hard decision.

I think this because I would not wish to be subjected to it myself. If you take on an animal for life, you also have to deal with their death.

I believe the OP rehoming the cat would be a death sentence for the cat, so she should bloody well take responsibility for that death herself.

HazleNutt Sat 05-Jan-13 09:17:14

small children do not understand either that their pain will come to an end. I don't think that's good enough reason to kill anybody, if there are indeed options to treat instead.

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 08:46:25

painless, obviously.

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 08:45:24

I notice people keep dodging the awkward point about animals not being able to understqnd the their psychological and/or physical pain will come to an end. And that it is utterly cruel to keep animals alive ^not knowing this^- simply because the owner is too much of a coward to face the difficult decision.

A quick,brainless fear free death is not a cruel choice. An unhappy life is.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 05-Jan-13 02:17:05

My cat was 17 yo when she had to be PTS due to failing health (age related).
We got her as a 2 yo. When the DC were born she was a bit hmm and we noticed she stayed out more but didn't venture outside her garden.
If she did use a tray she sometimes missed (body was in , bum was out )

Then she started vomiting .
Not on purpose or any kind of protest, just age.

OP if you can't keep the cat then do the decent thing and have her PTS yourself.
Don't send her off to rehoming. This time of year and in the next couple of months they'll be over-run.
Not exactly bending over backwards to rehome an elderly moggy- especially as you'll have to tell them why.

Feenie Sat 05-Jan-13 00:06:33

Well I don't know about HDee but I have no intention of staying alive long enough for my grandchildren to have to concern themselves with my bodily waste

Yeah? My mum found herself incontinent after surgery at 42 years of age.

Stupid thing to say.

Morloth Fri 04-Jan-13 23:51:26

Well I don't know about HDee but I have no intention of staying alive long enough for my grandchildren to have to concern themselves with my bodily waste.

Like pets, we are now living unnaturally long lifespans. I will not be doing so. The only way that will happen to me is if I physically can't find a way to end it and I am forced to continue. My loved ones will be well aware of my feelings on the matter.

If I wouldn't subject myself to it, I am not going to subject a pet I love to it am I?

Feenie Fri 04-Jan-13 23:38:29

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

marriedinwhite Fri 04-Jan-13 23:26:26

Ladies I am going to bed in a min. DD will come up first and snuggle beside me (DH with MIL this weekend - don't tempt me to comment about euthanasia). Midnight, the fattest thug will thump up the stairs first ( he sleeps my side and sometimes on my head - the most dog like cat known to man), Cookie the fAt placid one will thump up more quietly and settle lump like at the bottom of DH's side. Sometimes they snuggle together between us if it's v cold. Ned, the brown tabby who moved in when the babies came next door but one and who ois altogether more "oriental" than the BSH thumper toms will delicately And quietly ascend to take his place on the chair near the rad. He will get on the bed if the others aren't there, ie, if I am ill during the dat - not often at all,

Let's all have a prayer for cat's everywhere and kindness to all. We is all different, just like our animals and we can all cope with different levels of difficulty.

Night all - hope all will be happily purring soon.

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