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To return our cat to the rescue home we got her from?

(217 Posts)
DreamingofFour Thu 03-Jan-13 08:56:37

Our 10 year old cat has always been shy and twitchy, which we put down to a hard life before we got her from the Cat Rescue Home 3 years ago. But since we moved house six months ago she has become a bit of a nightmare. She keeps weeing & pooing all over the new house, and despite our best efforts (putting out cat lit if she wants it, helping her thru cat flap etc) she seems to be getting worse. Now she is really jumpy and even more shy. We have taken her to the vet, who said there was nothing physically wrong but wondered if it was psychological and should she have Prozac. At the same time we are dealing with our youngest waking up every night, all the kids sick, work etc etc so we don't have the capacity to be cleaning up the sofa from cat wee/poo every day.(The latest spot she chose). Given that she isn't very happy, would it be ok to return her to the cat rescue home where I suspect she would be happier?
Anyone else been in this situation?

Thanks for your help

EuroShagmore Thu 03-Jan-13 12:10:41

10 is not old for a cat! Ours lived to over 20!

Is there something stressing it out, OP?

PessaryPam Thu 03-Jan-13 12:16:23

From Wiki, that font of all knowledge
The average life expectancy for male indoor cats at birth is around 12 to 14 years, with females usually living a year or two longer.

So the cat is 10 and is maybe 4 years off natural death. Cat also seems unhappy. It's not a great situation but it would probably be best for all to have the cat PTS. Or maybe some of the posters here would take the cat?

PippinWoo Thu 03-Jan-13 12:24:53

I had a very nervous cat, adopted as a kitten along with her brother so it was just her personality that made her so jittery and no previous trauma.

When I broke up with my ex, I got rid of his massive fish tank in our lounge and moved the furniture around. This change really distressed my cat and she started doing things like pissing on my bed. I should imagine if I'd moved house she'd be a bit like your cat! When cats are distressed, they kind of make a protest by pissing on the places that will hurt you the most. For me, it was the bed. She associated that with a place I spent a lot of time and thought it would get my attention. For you, it could be the sofa as well. If it's just in the corner / behind things, that could more indicate just a need to go to the loo and having nowhere safe to go (in their mind).

There could be other cats in the neighbourhood that are frightening to her and so she is scared to go outside to use the loo. Some cat books also say that if there are cats in the neighbourhood that scare her, they might even be frightened in their own home in case they come in through the cat flap. Even if the cat flap is a locking one, the cat doesn't necessarily know that.

Perhaps keep her in for a while, with cat flap blocked up. If she can't get in and out, she'll realise another cat won't be coming in. Put a litter tray in every room she goes in (so maybe reduce the number of rooms she has access to). That doesn't need to be permanent but you could see if that might help calm her down whilst she gets used to your new house.

ComposHat Thu 03-Jan-13 12:28:57

What Pippin said.

atacareercrossroads Thu 03-Jan-13 12:32:11

Yabu 10years is nothing despite what says. And 6 months to settle isn't very long. Defo try feliway.

msrisotto Thu 03-Jan-13 12:41:26

No, it's not about pissing in the place that will hurt you the most. Seriously, buy that Vicky Halls book.

Pissing on the bed is about mixing your scent with their scent as the cat feels insecure in their territory and feels the need to mark it to feel safe.

Pissing by doors is again because they feel unsafe in their territory and doors are where potentially scary things come in.

Feces is an even stronger scent than urine so if they are very insecure they may do both. Blah blah blah there are loads of reasons, do some research.

LouisWalshsChristmasCloset Thu 03-Jan-13 12:50:44

flo you really comparing a cat to a child hmm anyone who treats their animals like childrens is a fruitcake.
i wouldnt have the patience for cat shit tbh.that stuff fooking stinks so i wouldnt think twice about taking her back but im not a cat lover.

RightsaidFreud Thu 03-Jan-13 12:54:54

Please lets not get into comparing children and beloved pets, it never ends well.

PippinWoo Thu 03-Jan-13 12:58:01

Sorry I just realised I might have given the impression your cat was trying to hurt you on purpose. It just used to frustrate me so much it felt a bit like that. I wanted to scream "why are you doing this?!!".

She doesn't mean to be trouble on purpose or be naughty. She's just distressed and you want to try and make the house as calm and safe feeling as possible.

SparklingSnow Thu 03-Jan-13 12:59:41

YABVU. The poor cat. She's probably just feeling unsettled due to the move.

People really need to think properly before they get a pet. Imagine how your poor cat would feel if she was rejected again.

Of course there's a risk of cats doing the toilet inside the house. Same as there is a risk of them being sick.

Surely that must have occurred to you before you took her in?

PippinWoo Thu 03-Jan-13 13:02:36

Oh and my cat did calm down in the end and got back to normal. It took a while for her to relax again but we did get there and she got back to a normal routine. I wouldn't give up yet until you've tried a few of the different theories people have written about.

curiousuze Thu 03-Jan-13 13:03:48

YANBU - our cat is identical to this. She has recently been leaving little runny presents of her own under the Christmas tree, she drives me absolutely fucking nuts. She's 10 times more mess and hassle than our newborn. I'd feel too guilty to give her away but I do keep hoping she moves out of her own accord, especially when I step in a cold, wet cat spew in the middle of the night.

Justforlaughs Thu 03-Jan-13 13:07:34

I don't think YABU to consider taking her back. I'd like to think that you would do as much research and look for advice from as many places as possible before taking that step. I would speak to the vet again, maybe try a different one and also speak to the home where you got her. They will have lots of experience dealing with similar situations. It may well be that with medication or treatment she can be made happier and easier to cope with in your home, but if this is not the case then dont feel guilt tripped into keeping a cat that you don't want/ cannot cope with. She may also be seriously ill and then the kindest thing may be to put her to sleep.

dequoisagitil Thu 03-Jan-13 13:07:35

Talk to the Rescue about the problems you're having and try Feliway and whatever they advise to settle it again. Your cat is probably just stressed out and will get used to the change in time.

Northernlebkuchen Thu 03-Jan-13 13:09:17

Your cat is distressed and there are lost of thing you can try to help with that. Please put some work in to trying to make her more secure in your home. Cats are really complex creatures. That's what I love about them grin

fuzzypicklehead Thu 03-Jan-13 13:23:35

OP, would you be happy to have your cat put to sleep? I don't ask to make you feel bad, but you should probably know that it's probably what will happen to her if you return her to the rescue.

There are way more cats out there than there are homes for them all, and lots of people who don't bother to neuter, so the numbers are constantly increasing. With so many free, cute kittens available on gumtree and preloved, a 10 year old mog with housetraining issues doesn't have a chance at getting a new home. Rescue centres can't afford to feed and care for every old incontinent cat that gets chucked out, and so putting them to sleep is the only solution. It's sad, but it's the truth.

SparklingSnow Thu 03-Jan-13 13:33:44

fuzzypicklehead, your post is very true. Sadly this is happening all the time to unwanted and unloved animals.

It sounds like the OP is just thinking of her cat as an inconvenience.

HDee Thu 03-Jan-13 13:42:31

The cat is an inconvenience. It's pissing and shitting wherever it pleases, it's skittish and shy, refuses to use a cat flap or litter can any owner get pleasure out of that?

I'd probably take it to be PTS. Actually if it was mine, I'd have evicted it long ago.

fuzzypicklehead Thu 03-Jan-13 13:45:49

Perhaps, but lots of people have also been brought up with the media portrayal of the RSPCA and Pet Rescue, so they imagine a benevolent Rolf Harris will be waiting to sweep in and comfort their pet. They don't realize that only the few and fortunate make it through the rehoming process.

fuzzypicklehead Thu 03-Jan-13 13:58:10

TBH, OP, in reality your question should really be "AIBU to have my cat put to sleep?"

Otherwise, you're passing the problem on to the rescue and costing money that it can ill afford to either maintain the cat (if it's a no-kill rescue) or have it put down themselves.

Again, I'm not trying to make you feel bad (and I know that cat wee is an awful stink to be dealing with) but it's important to know what you're actually deciding.

oldpeculiar Thu 03-Jan-13 13:58:55

You need to get rid.You cannot have your children living in a house with animal faeces and urine.

PessaryPam Thu 03-Jan-13 14:03:05

I notice that not one of the people who are in the 'how could you be so cruel camp' have offered it a home themselves.

gordyslovesheep Thu 03-Jan-13 14:06:06

oh yes Pam that's practical <giant eye roll>

Pets require work and commitment sometimes - when we moved both our cats had trouble adjusting - one went bald and both had continence issues (mainly in the downstairs loo for some reason)

Bleach and disinfectant means you don't need to put your children in bio hazard suits - Feliway solved the problem within 4 weeks

RightsaidFreud Thu 03-Jan-13 14:08:35

Bored today are we Pam? OP, Invest in some Feliway.

SparklingSnow Thu 03-Jan-13 14:11:37

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