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To want to use contraception despite our agreement to try for another baby?

(11 Posts)
EmilyHopes Wed 02-Jan-13 21:43:58

We have 2 DC, one school age and the other starting school next year. DH has always been keen on having a larger family, whereas I spent much of the last few years feeling very unsure as to whether I would like more children or not.

A few months ago DH finally convinced me that it would be a good idea to go for number 3. I had always been very anti the idea of having 2 pre school children at home again, as I found it very full on (I also work pretty much full time), so I held out for a long while before agreeing to have a third (as things stand DC2 would be at school before the birth of a third child).

Having come to this verbal agreement that we will have a third, and now getting into TTC, I am finding I get quite stressed out with sex when I think that I am in a fertile period. I am fine when I believe I am unlikely to fall pregnant. DH thinks I am being silly about the whole thing, as we had this verbal agreement for the third and so now we just need to get on with it.

Would I BU to insist on contraception, despite our current ‘plan’ for a third? DH keeps saying to me we need to “make a plan and then stick to it”.

jessjessjess Wed 02-Jan-13 21:46:26

Do you actually want another baby? Because it really doesn't sound like it.

Dozer Wed 02-Jan-13 21:47:19

If you're unsure, then any "agreement" isn't proper agreement. Take the contraception until you're sure what YOU want.

Take a look at getting big's threads in relationships. Hopefully your DH is much nicer than hers, but lots of insights from women who had DC3 or more under pressure from their partners.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 02-Jan-13 21:47:20

Do you, EmilyHopes, personally want another baby?

SirBoobAlot Wed 02-Jan-13 21:48:20

I think you would be unreasonable to use contraception when he thinks you are TTC, but certainly not unreasonable for not wanting to have another baby. If you aren't happy with the decision for a third, you need to talk to him about him.

LisaMed Wed 02-Jan-13 21:50:49

Read this

Someone who was pressured into having a third, had life threatening complications and is now having to hide her contraception because her husband is doing all he can to force her to have a fourth.

Probably not the same situation but it may give you some pros and cons to chew on

kuros Wed 02-Jan-13 23:18:33

If you want to use contraception then it´s clear you have not really agreed to have a baby.

You´re overthinking this. You can change your mind about such an important decision at any point and the idea of going back on a "verbal contract" is totally bizarre. A baby is conceived out of love, not under duress.

It´s clear your DH is desperate to have another child and has been putting you under pressure to go along with his wishes for some time. And that is a clear violation of your marriage contract to love, honour, etc. ; )

I´m not sure why you think you might be being unreasonable?

Fairylea Wed 02-Jan-13 23:20:58

You don't want one. You need to tell him.

SweetTeaVodka Wed 02-Jan-13 23:27:56

I find your the attitude of your DH utterly bizarre, to be frank. A verbal discussion concluding to TTC is not a binding contract, nor should it be!

I also think it's very easy for him to say that you should "get on with" having another child when it's your body that will be undertaking all the hard work.

You need to sit him down and talk about this properly, as it doesn't seem that you really want this baby (at least not yet, anyway).

CailinDana Wed 02-Jan-13 23:32:53

It's ok to change your mind. No one should ever pressure anyone else into having a child they don't really want. You need to sit your DH down and tell him you don't want a third.

crunchbag Wed 02-Jan-13 23:33:41

YANBU, if you are not sure than an agreement means nothing. I don't like the 'make a plan and then stick to it' when it comes to children. Surely both partners can change their mind at any time.
Talk to DH and take contraception in the mean time.

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