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to feel very betrayed by this

(87 Posts)
rutile Wed 02-Jan-13 18:26:49

I run a small business and I employ my brother (18) part time to help me with the admin. Today he told me that he’s been offered another job and that if I don’t raise his pay then he’s going to take it. We have been struggling recently but we are about to enter a very busy spell and I could do without having to recruit a replacement and show them how I want things to be done etc. I have always treated him really well (eg I gave him 3 weeks off around his exam period in the summer) and I feel really hurt that he has been going behind my back looking for another job to spring his increased wage demands. DP says that’s capitalism for you and said I should have listened to him when he said I shouldn’t have employed him and mixed family and business.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 02-Jan-13 19:23:25

He's 18 and still a student! There's nothing wrong with paying him minimum wage!

OP I agree with getting someone else in and getting your brother to help with the training.

Lulumama Wed 02-Jan-13 19:24:39

he's a young lad with a levels to consider, maybe college/ uni/ further education to fund, so why shouldn't he look for something more lucrative?

this is why family & business can be a bad mix at times

you need to treat him like any other employee and don't be surprised when he treats you like a boss

did you expect him to stay for ever?

racingheart Wed 02-Jan-13 19:26:21

You could remind him that you have been more flexible than a non family member and would really appreciate him returning this loyalty by staying on until the busy time is over.

Do you have a notice period that he has to work? Could you expect him to work this, to cover the busy period?

But overall, I'd let him go. It will be good for him to work for a less flexible employer, and good for you to train up someone who you can build a truly professional rapport with.

Hope your busy time goes well, whatever happens.

LIZS Wed 02-Jan-13 19:30:14

would you feel equally betrayed had he not been family ?

rutile Wed 02-Jan-13 19:31:07

I didn't think he'd stay forever but I thought he'd be here until he went to university and that he'd help me recruit and train a replacement. Not issue an ultimatum when he knows we're at our busiest and I need him.

Lulumama Wed 02-Jan-13 19:33:04

you have to take out the fact he is family, he is still an 18 year old, who are not generally reknowned for being selfless and give him a hard time

you can't expect that he would have read your mind and known exactly what you expected from him

oliyer Wed 02-Jan-13 19:39:16

YANBU he's been a right little shit, waiting for the most oportune time to strike. I'd be fuming and tell him shove his wage increase demands up his arse and show him where the door is, I'd also make it clear that this stunt would be taken into account should he ever need you for a reference.

CelticPromise Wed 02-Jan-13 19:44:03

It's not a 'stunt' ffs he's got a new job. He is perfectly entitled to do so. You could appeal to his better nature but if he wants to leave that's fair enough IMO. He hasn't ' issued an ultimatum' he's handed in his notice and explained why.

3smellysocks Wed 02-Jan-13 19:46:38

if he wasn't your brother how much would you be paying him?

OkayHazel Wed 02-Jan-13 19:57:28

You simply cannot expect anyone to work for you forever. Even your brother, unless you give him part ownership in the company!

Good luck to the boy! Your business does not sound like a sustainable career.

libelulle Wed 02-Jan-13 20:07:56

There's nothing wrong with paying him minimum wage...until he realises that there are jobs out there that pay more. He just has! Don't expect loyalty if you pay peanuts - especially for family. This is just your attitude coming back to bite you, sorry!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 20:14:54

Stunt ? Christ almighty.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 20:16:10

If your business suffers because of this, there was something wrong with your plans in the first place, tbh

peaceandlovebunny Wed 02-Jan-13 20:20:25

let him go.

family always do this. they are family to get the job, family to get extra time off, family to get their transport paid for, then when work slows down and you have to lay them off they stop being family and become employees demanding vast amounts of redundancy etc not taking into account that if they'd behaved like employees the company wouldn't need to be taking drastic action.
not me. my dad taken advantage of by his brothers, in the 1960s.

let him go. you'll be well rid of him. get someone on a more formal arrangement.

RobotLover68 Wed 02-Jan-13 20:27:38

People are allowed to move on - family or not! If I was on min. wage I'd be looking for something else too - you're an employer it goes with the territory - pay the right money or find someone else


FestiveWench Wed 02-Jan-13 20:38:34


You have the wrong attitude to running a business IMO.

Bogeyface Wed 02-Jan-13 20:44:20

He is an 18 year old working as an admin assistant. I wouldnt expect more the NMW for that!

OkayHazel Thu 03-Jan-13 00:37:25

I wouldnt expect more the NMW for that!

Exactly why he went and got another job!

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss Thu 03-Jan-13 00:51:46

Minimum wage for an 18 year old is £4.98. If you pay shit wages then don't be surprised when staff look elsewhere and leave!

AmberLeaf Thu 03-Jan-13 01:10:06

If it was that cushy working for you, why would he look for a job elsewhere?

OkayHazel Thu 03-Jan-13 01:11:05

Precisely MistletoeKiss!

Noone is happy on minimum wage, especially when there obviously jobs he can do (and has been offered) for more.

To those saying 'let him leave, he'll realize how good he had it' - I'm sure the extra cash in his pocket will soften the blow!

BettySuarez Thu 03-Jan-13 01:19:20

I doubt you'll be able to replace him with anyone else for NMW - my DD aged 16 earns £6.72 an hour stacking shelves in a supermarket.

Perhaps you thought you were doing him a favour by employing him which has led to a skewed sense of betrayal?

Wish him luck, provide him with a good reference

Angelfootprints Thu 03-Jan-13 01:27:46

So you admit you could pay him more and he is good... So why not pay him more to reflect his ability then in the first place then?

Where is your loyalty to him as an employer?

I feel sorry for him you have chosen to pay him less than you can afford and that he is worth.

Darkesteyes Thu 03-Jan-13 01:32:20

And you were expecting him to help train up his replacement as well while on NMW.

HeadfirstForAMistletoeKiss Thu 03-Jan-13 01:43:47

Yes, loyalty is the word.You expect loyalty from him, but where is his from you?

Perhaps with his timing he was hoping you would see how valuable he is to your business? It sounds like you will miss him!

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