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to ask for 2 bits of baby advice as there is more traffic?

(153 Posts)
catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 19:57:10

Thank you thanks

DS is 13 months old

Issue 1: About 6 weeks ago we did CC with great sucess, he got it after 2 nights and was going down without a whimper and sleeping through.

For the last week he has been hysterical when we put him down again and it's been like night one all over again. We go in to re-assure at 5 min, 10 min and 15 min intervals. It's heartbreaking sad

I don't think it's separation anxiety starting to show (but could be wrong) He goes to nursery 2 days a week and is happy there. He spends 1 day a week with my DM and again is fine and happy. He sleeps over at DMs occasionally (and did so in the midst of this upset) and goes down with no issue there

Is there anything I can do? This is horrible.

Issue 2:

He thinks "no" is a game. Is that just normal for his age? My main concern is him playing with the TV which he could pull down and it scares me (wall bracket ordered)

If I say "no" he grins, shakes his head, giggles and does whatever got him the "no" again and again and thinks it's great fun

Any tips for re-inforcing "no" or do I just have to wait for him to get a bit older?

Thanks for any advice.....

bobby1989 Tue 01-Jan-13 20:55:18

As awful as it sounds I just left my son to cry himself to sleep. After messing around for 3 years with my first son trying to get him to sleep I decided to be more firm. My second slept through from 6 week to 16 months then started been a nightmare. Now I get him ready for Ned snuggle him while he has a bottle then put him in his cot. More often than not within 5 mins he's asleep some times goes on for 20. He's totally unaffected in the morning and as happy as normal.
And yes he''ll just think NO is a game try doing a loud clap to shock him while u say no he might cry but at least he''ll know. I must sound awful but I have 2 very happy little boys I promise lol

TeWisBeenNargledByTheMistletoe Tue 01-Jan-13 20:57:16

Bloody typos, I meant your baby doesn't say much but can understand you.

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 20:59:06

Thanks 50

I will open his window a bit

His bedtime routine is bath, cuddle, story, bottle and cuddle

One thing this has made me think is that I do the cuddle, bottle and story downstairs whereas if I did it in his room maybe he would be a bit more prepared for the transistion to sleep

chandellina Tue 01-Jan-13 21:03:02

I sometimes start the bedtime routine downstairs but always finish the bottle upstairs with the lights out. I sing the same song every night and for naps (when I'm there) and she immediately knows it's sleep time. Sometimes she'd start whimpering as I carried her up the stairs, singing the song, but it meant she always knows it's time to get ready to sleep.

SmileyPenguin Tue 01-Jan-13 21:05:23

Yabu. He's crying because he needs you and your comfort, he's a baby, you're all he has sad do you have a friend or relative or someone else who would be able to comfort him in the night if you don't want to?

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 01-Jan-13 21:06:13

We do bath, then bottle and cuddle in DD's room too.

We keep the light off in her room during bedtime, and we just keep the hallway light on so we can navigate safely smile

WelshMaenad Tue 01-Jan-13 21:07:26

I agree with sirboob.

I also don't see how you can describe cc as a success when it clearly hasn't 'worked'.

Agree with PP that gradual retreat may be worth a try. Took 3 nights to get my cwtch-to-sleep co-sleeper to happily self settle in his own room.

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 01-Jan-13 21:07:33

smiley you are being awful, and really not helpful

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 01-Jan-13 21:10:20

yes, it probably will help to do the routine upstairs smile

WelshMaenad Tue 01-Jan-13 21:10:37

She isn't being 'awful', she's stating fact and showing awareness if the principles of attachment.

Babies cry because they need something.

HardHittingLeafletCampaign Tue 01-Jan-13 21:12:01

I'm with Sirboob too. But I do understand how soul destroying lack of sleep is.

MsElleTow Tue 01-Jan-13 21:16:55

I did CC with my 2 who are 18 &16 now. It worked a treat at the time, and they have suffered no lasting effects. They never cried when they started school, they were happy to go on trips etc. They have always been confident and safe in the knowledge that if DH or I have had to go away, we will always come back for them.

He might be feeling a bit under the weather Catgirl. Hopefully he will be back to sleeping through soon.

cocoachannel Tue 01-Jan-13 21:21:21

Catgirl, may just be the disruption of Christmas etc.? All very tiring/exciting etc.

The comment suggesting the OP doesn't want to comfort her child so could ask a friend or relative is, in my opinion, spiteful and wholly uncalled for from what has been said. 'For parents, by parents', unless you dare to post in AIBU.

Kalisi Tue 01-Jan-13 21:21:48

Can't help on 1 I'm afraid as I didn't consider CC. There are many options for you though OP, hopefully you will find a technique that suits your family, you need to do what feels right and don't worry about losing the 'game' by trying lots of different things.
I found 2. Was quite easy to solve with blind consistency and repetitiveness. You feel ridiculous saying 'No' over and over whilst your little darling giggles at you but as long as in the end they DONT get to play with the plug socket the message does sink in. I also find that being physical helps greatly. If they are touching something they shouldn't, don't just bark orders across the room, MOVE their hand. Pick them up and move them away. Get down to their level and say No .....over and over hmm Clapping is also quite effective

theowlworrier Tue 01-Jan-13 21:21:55

Catgirl, dd just cries when she is tired. Starting from 2 months she wpuld just scream... nearly ended up in a&e the first time, scared the crap out of us! After 3 months of her screaming at bedtime, we tried CC. Our thinking was that she was screaming whatever- whether we were holding her, feeding her, it made no difference. Cc worked- she slept through but we still have the odd night where she will scream a bit when she goes down. It seems it is just how she lets us know shr is tired. Perhaps that is what your ds is doing. Not great, and the only thing we have found helps is identifting the window where she is most tired and being pretty rigid about her going down then. Most nights we get nothing, some nights a few minutes. If she starts crying before she goes in her cot, it seems to be the quickest way to resolve is to just kiss her and put her down. I think it is over stimulation at that point.

ellee Tue 01-Jan-13 21:23:21

Tbh sounds like the cc is going ok. You have to be very persistent with children really. while we didn't cc we would always have made a huge ewffort to keep a child in their room at least once bedtime had come. So lots of popping in and out, offering comfort and then saying it's bedtime, how comfy their bed was etc etc. Ds might only have needed a head in the door, but dd occssionally still wants a bit of handholding and chat (21m).

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 01-Jan-13 21:24:06

welsh I agree that babies cry because they need something. But at 13 months they have also learnt that crying gets you attention.

It is mostly a good thing, because parents need to know when their baby is hungry, in pain, etc.

However, 13 months is old enough for a baby to learn that they can fall asleep alone in their cot, and that their parents don't have to be in the room at all times to keep them safe.

A baby soon understands that their parents do always come back...

WelshMaenad Tue 01-Jan-13 21:25:34

Is a need for attention not a valid need, then?

ellee Tue 01-Jan-13 21:28:38

Not always, no!

HDee Tue 01-Jan-13 21:29:57

I'd leave him to cry, and in fact go one step further and not be going in every 5, 10, 15 minutes. I'd put him to bed and leave him til morning. Unless he is poorly, it will do you both the world of good for him to learn that bed = sleep.

With regards to 'no', I would just use distraction. If you see him making a bee-line for something he shouldn't, grab a toy, or start singing and clapping.

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 01-Jan-13 21:31:16

As I said, it is mostly a good thing. Just not always.

It is not possible, or healthy, for anyone to get people's attention 100% of the time.

Learning to go to sleep on your own is also I think, an essential life skill and a step towards independence.

bobby1989 Tue 01-Jan-13 21:35:26

It doesnt mean they need anything if they've been changed and fed before bed then they are fine. Babies love attention they get it all day there used to it. There not happy that there in a cot alone. If you keep going to them when they cry they won't stop. If they know that you'll go in every 5 minutes they just keep screaming. Its hard to listen to your baby cry but it's even harder to function the next day after been up all night....leave them to scream after 2 or 3 nights they'll realise that it's easier to just lay down and sleep

cocoachannel Tue 01-Jan-13 21:38:55

Attention is not a slid need if it is actually preventing them getting the sleep they need, in other words they are straining to stay awake to enjoy the attention as opposed to grumbling a little then eealisinh that they're not missing out if they go to sleep.

BertieBotts Tue 01-Jan-13 21:39:15

Not going to get into the sleep thing, but re No/stop, you have to show them what the word means. They don't instinctually know - it probably is a fun game to him "Ooh look, when I do this, Mummy makes a funny sound. I wonder if I can get her to do it again?"

Instead of just saying no, every time you say no/stop/leave that alone etc, you need to remove or distract him or remove the item. You need to do this for a good long while before he gets the idea that "no" means "stop doing that".

cocoachannel Tue 01-Jan-13 21:39:26

slid = valid

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