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to ask for 2 bits of baby advice as there is more traffic?

(153 Posts)
catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 19:57:10

Thank you thanks

DS is 13 months old

Issue 1: About 6 weeks ago we did CC with great sucess, he got it after 2 nights and was going down without a whimper and sleeping through.

For the last week he has been hysterical when we put him down again and it's been like night one all over again. We go in to re-assure at 5 min, 10 min and 15 min intervals. It's heartbreaking sad

I don't think it's separation anxiety starting to show (but could be wrong) He goes to nursery 2 days a week and is happy there. He spends 1 day a week with my DM and again is fine and happy. He sleeps over at DMs occasionally (and did so in the midst of this upset) and goes down with no issue there

Is there anything I can do? This is horrible.

Issue 2:

He thinks "no" is a game. Is that just normal for his age? My main concern is him playing with the TV which he could pull down and it scares me (wall bracket ordered)

If I say "no" he grins, shakes his head, giggles and does whatever got him the "no" again and again and thinks it's great fun

Any tips for re-inforcing "no" or do I just have to wait for him to get a bit older?

Thanks for any advice.....

Nancy66 Tue 01-Jan-13 20:27:02

The 'no' thing doesn't matter - he'll grow out of it.

On the other matter - i think he's not sleeping because he is confused an unsettled. 2 days at nursery, the occasional overnight at grandmas and then being left to cry, uncomforted when he is at home....please don't do it. I think it's cruel and unnecessary.

corkgirlindublin Tue 01-Jan-13 20:29:38

I have never done cc so no help.

However I think with the No thing you need to back it up with a physical movement. So i would go over and gently move your son away from the tv and repeat no so he learns what you mean by it.

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 20:29:48

zzzzz and numtum

It could be a new tooth.....

He's not hungry, we check his nappy when we go in to re-assure and his room is 23 degrees so I don't think he's cold

Maybe a later bedtime might help but he's pulling his ears and doing his other "tired signals" before we put him down

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 20:30:55


I do back up the "no" by moving him away from the area

He thinks it's hillarious..........that one sounds like I'm far from alone and he'll grow out of it

KindnessofStrangers Tue 01-Jan-13 20:31:11

Chottie, Sirboob and Nancy66 I think your reactions to the OP are unfair, as parents we all make choices and do the best we can do. I am sure there are things you do with your DC that the OP would not agree with. Sleep deprivation is difficult, the OP is just trying to do the best for HER family.

OP the no thing is perfectly normal my DD has sort of grown out of it at 17 months. It's just them stamping their independence.

Perhaps get this moved to 'sleep?' I found lots of helpful answers there when DD was waking every two hours!

Nancy66 Tue 01-Jan-13 20:33:16

kindness - the OP said herself that she posted in this section to garner more opinions. We can't all have the same one.

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 20:33:24

Thanks kindness

I'll ask MN to move it as I might get some more constructive advice on there

(Really appreciate the advice that has been given on here....less so the comments about being cruel. I'm at my wits end as it is so those comments are not really helpful......)

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 20:34:44

I did think I might open myself up to some CC is evil comments posting on here to be fair and I wanted the extra traffic so I guess I can't really complain, but I don't want to start a bunfight, so maybe I should get it moved

AlphabetiSpaghetti Tue 01-Jan-13 20:35:34

Have you tried giving him a comforter? DS uses a muslin/cloth bunny thingy and it made a massive difference. We use it for daytime naps too and it's literally changed our lives.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 01-Jan-13 20:38:01

iit's likely to be dollars.

I'm with sirboob on this. i think cc is pretty cruel.

another miner advised saying "stop!" instead of no when they're doing something they shouldn't be. it seems to work.
rather that laugh, dd (12m) stops and looks at me for further confirmation.
you have to have a serious face and if he does it again be firm, say stop again and remove him
they're testing their boundaries and need reinforcement.

Zimbah Tue 01-Jan-13 20:38:16

Controlled crying is one of the harsher methods of sleep training, there are quite a few others that are a lot kinder to the baby, have you tried them? Leaving a baby screaming for five minutes, then ten, then fifteen is really horrible, even five minutes of crying alone seems like forever for young children, they don't have the same concept of time.

The baby whisperer has some good methods if you want to go down that route, either "gradual withdrawal" or "walk in/walk out". I'm not a fan of her techniques on very young babies but for older ones they seem to be pretty good.

PS if your DH thinks your baby needs to learn he can't get his own way by leaving him to cry then I think he needs to read a bit about baby development.

NumTum7 Tue 01-Jan-13 20:38:29

People will always have different opinions and are free to voice them, but you are also free to ignore them grin hope things settle down for you in a couple days OP

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 01-Jan-13 20:38:41

Molars !

KindnessofStrangers Tue 01-Jan-13 20:39:34

Nancy I agree, tbf my post was less aimed at you. Totally agree that there are lots of different views on sleep/sleep training and every child will have different responses/needs. But posts saying the OP makes them feel sick and that they can't read it, are unfair and are just going to make a Mother trying to do her best feel shit.

Primafacie Tue 01-Jan-13 20:39:53

Sirboob, have my first ever biscuit

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 01-Jan-13 20:40:14

23degrees is far too warm.
his room needs to be 16-20

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 20:41:25

He does have a comforter

I like the "stop" idea
I;m not posting an running but I'm off line for a bit

Thank you all for the advice

KindnessofStrangers Tue 01-Jan-13 20:42:15

OP there is a good thread in 'sleep' titled 'What worked for us' ( Or something along those lines!) that gives a structure for a gradual retreat method that I tried with DD around 12 months, if you did want to try something different.

catgirl1976geesealaying Tue 01-Jan-13 20:42:25

I know Nickel - it's a really warm house....that's with no heating on since early this morning

It cools to about 20 by 10 pm

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 01-Jan-13 20:45:14

it might help a bit to have the windoe open then for a bit before he goes to bed?
cool it down a bit. and a room thermometer.

what's his wind down routine?
we co-sleep with dd, but wr change her into her jimmies and turn down volumes at half 8/9o'clock and let her dose a bit before we go up.
maybe read a story or okay a soft record?

chandellina Tue 01-Jan-13 20:46:31

On sleep, I'd just try to prepare him well for sleep with the exact same rituals, songs, etc. before bed. You want him relaxed and ready to sleep. If he is crying immediately, he is clearly distressed at the transition from day to night and needs more prepping.

I am blessed though with an amazingly good sleeper of the same age, she goes down without a peep for 13 hours. My son was more of a challenge at that age but ultimately the child needs sleep and at some stage has to be able to settle themselves and not expect a parent to keep turning up. (yeah flame me but I have two fantastic sleepers. )

My daughter has the opposite reaction to no and usually cries. I think it's all about the tone of voice, so your ds understands it's for real and not a game.

zzzzz Tue 01-Jan-13 20:49:06

Hell sleep better, if you can drop the temperature a bit.

slhilly Tue 01-Jan-13 20:49:41

You might try the kissing game technique rather than controlled crying. CC has the problem that the child really can be unsure you're ever going to come back. The kissing game avoids that. You basically put the baby down, potter around for a few seconds in the bedroom, go over and pat or kiss the baby, potter off again for a few seconds, go over and pat again, and then do the same but go out of the room, and then start stretching the time out of the room to be 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 secs, 1 min, etc etc.

The baby knows you'll keep on coming back in, but also knows you're not going to pick them up. So if they cry it's because they're cross you won't pick them up, not frightened. Eventually they fall asleep. After a few days of this very exhausting procedure, you can start dramatically abbreviating, and they start to properly go to sleep by themselves, secure in the knowledge you're around, but also convinced that nothing they do will persuade you to pick them up or get them to sleep.

This technique was developed by a health professional, and I wish I had the research paper to hand to reference properly. It worked very well for us.

Here's a link to a description of the technique.

50ShadesOfGreggs Tue 01-Jan-13 20:51:34

OP, I hope you have donned your hard hat, cc threads don't tend to end well.
I did Cc with DD, it worked brilliantly. The first few nights, I did what you do, and went back every 10 min. To be honest it just seemed to anger her even more, so around the 3rd night we decided to go back once to check she wasn't hot/cold/needing a change, etc. Then we left her, she cried for about 40 min then went to sleep.

The next night she cried for 5 min, and every night now she just goes straight to sleep.

That was 9 months ago and although it was very tough at the time, we haven't looked back.

The crucial thing for us was that we knew already that DD was quick to adapt, and we had a feeling that sticking with Cc would pay off quickly.

We also felt that we had to give it a serious go, as I was about to go back to work after ML; both DH and me operate vehicles at work, and being sleep deprived could be fatal. So it HAD to work, and it did.

It was horrible listening to her cry though, DH and me were in the next room, in tears, holding hands.

Good luck OP, you will get there eventually, just stick with it smile

TeWisBeenNargledByTheMistletoe Tue 01-Jan-13 20:53:49

What's his bedtime routine like?

It's not pick them up vs cc (thankfully, though no one ever believes me when I explain that my DD became hysterical if we attempted any kind of rapid return)

I found the 'no cry sleep solution' book quite helpful, for eg it recommends a very regular bedtime routine at least 1hr long. Also ideas like talking through everything with your dc - your baby doesn't sleep much, but will understand you pretty well. "right DS, let's start getting ready for bed, first it's bathtime, then your cream, then PJs, then teeth... (etc) ...then bedtime" then "we've finished putting your cream on DS, now it's time for PJs.... ...then bed"

Also introducing a comforter of some kind might work around now.

If it is teeth, I think you will just have to accept that it will take longer to get him to bed and be kind to him.

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