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To be slightly upset that we always seem to be the hosts never the guests?

(22 Posts)
Lilyloo Tue 01-Jan-13 19:46:30

We had maybe 30 family /friends at ours over Xmas. We had one invite reciprocated.
I am getting a little fed up of it always being this way, we seem to have become the annual family get together hosts but no one else offers.
I know you don't host to expect an invite but every year it's the same and I feel a little down about it today.

Mrsrudolphduvall Tue 01-Jan-13 19:48:29

Don't do it next year.

ebersneezer Tue 01-Jan-13 19:49:08

Look on the bright side, you must be good hosts smile. I get paranoid because we have the opposite problem, no one ever seems to want to come to us ;)

fuckadoodlepoopoo Tue 01-Jan-13 19:51:25

Just stop for a while, see what happens. When they ask just say you're tired of hosting at the moment.

hermioneweasley Tue 01-Jan-13 19:52:55

Jeez, that must be expensive as well as exhausting! Stop doing it!

WipsGlitter Tue 01-Jan-13 19:54:56

Just stop doing it. Easier said than done I know!

claudedebussy Tue 01-Jan-13 19:56:15

you should stop.

i'm sure a lot of people would feel daunted at the prospect of hosting 30 people and while they really enjoy yours don't have the constitution to reciprocate on that level.

i definitely couldn't host 30 people in my little house. but i do think it's a bit off to not reciprocate on a small level, like invite you and your family over for a meal to say thank you.

suburbophobe Tue 01-Jan-13 19:58:29

I take my hat off to you that you can host 30 people over Xmas.

But there's no law that says you have to.

It's easy to fall into certain patterns in family/friends dynamics, but you are the only one who is in control of which role you take in it.

Plan something completely different for next time.

chicaguapa Tue 01-Jan-13 19:59:06

I can see why you feel down about it but I really would see it as a compliment. You obviously offer an inviting place, put together a good do and are seen as the social hub. And on the bright side you get to choose what you eat.

Maybe next Christmas you could ask if anyone else would like to host as you'd like a break. You'll probably find that because you're so good at it, everyone thought you enjoyed doing it every year and they'll be surprised you want a year off.

MargeySimpson Tue 01-Jan-13 19:59:06

We're the same. Thing is if we stop, then we probably would have to go out to see our friends, as we never get invites round to their homes.

I'm not worried though, we both get to drink, and i'm comfy in my own home. Cost of nibbles/dinners is alot, so now our guests bring something. (We have a roast on sundays once a month for our 7 uni housemates. One brings beers, one brings dessert, one meat etc and we rotate. Then I cook! I don't mind cooking though!)

yousmell Tue 01-Jan-13 19:59:53

Can you mention to a few people that you have decided not to host next year and wonder who will step up ?

Pancakeflipper Tue 01-Jan-13 20:00:13

Lilyloo - same here. I realised this today, that every year everyone comes to ours at some point during the hols. 3 lots of hosting so far since Boxing Day and 1 more load of guests to come.

And they never host anything.

In fact it's been years since any of us saw my my youngest sister's house (we don't live near and they seem to come to stay at ours all the time).

I realised this today when my DP questioned me about the numerous visits to food shops I have made recently when he was checking the bank statements.

Easter is our next round of hosting... be serving toast for that.

Lilyloo Tue 01-Jan-13 20:05:11

I know that is what I should do and did say to dp earlier, sadly I don't think I would see my family if I didn't sad .
Who knows maybe someone would take over? I think I just stepped into my mum's role when she died, she hosted great Christmas parties, and now feel a little resentful that no one else contributes.
That is my fault I guess.
I do think family sort of expect it now though, although as Ebenezer says I am lucky I have family who want to come (I think) wink

Chottie Tue 01-Jan-13 20:11:26

I would be asking someone else to do the hosting too! Do they bring round any drink or get in a takeaway to help you out?

Pancakeflipper Tue 01-Jan-13 20:16:05

I have never thought to ask them to bring something but I think I might next year. It's not rude to ask for a bottle wine is it?

Sometimes my mother brings a trifle and I loathe trifle and my dairyfree kid cannot touch it. But I know I am being churlish about that cos' if she does bring one it is eaten up.

ReinDearPrudence Tue 01-Jan-13 20:19:19

You must be a very good host! I enjoy hosting, but I like to be asked out as well. Do people know that you'd like others to share the burden?

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Tue 01-Jan-13 20:24:14

If it's family I think you should just be able to say "your turn next year" and let them get on with it. friends a bit more difficult.

sherazade Tue 01-Jan-13 20:25:30

YANBU. stop inviting them, they've probably gotten used to relying on your invite and I personally would feel obliged to reciprocate ANY invitation first time round let alone every year.

JohnnyDeppsfuturewife Tue 01-Jan-13 21:45:42

Ooh, I used to be you! Yanbu.

I generally love hosting but felt inlaws were taking the piss. Last Xmas was so bad I emailed mil and said I wouldn't host Xmas again because not one of the fuckers would even help me clear the table, they sat around and did nothing and didn't even bring so much as a bottle of wine or chocolates. And this had been happening for years.

This year was brilliant. A lovely, relaxing Xmas at home with dh and 2 dcs. Visited inlaws on 27th and felt sick watching niece trash mils house while bil and sil did nothing! (chocolate hands and black pen all over mils brand new cream coloured settee!)

If I were you I would be honest with people and not do it again or suggest taking turns. I know you say you might not get to see your family but if that were me I would wonder if the relationship wasn't a bit one-sided anyway. Or suggest going to a restaurant?

moonstorm Tue 01-Jan-13 21:47:22

Other people might feel that they were stepping on your toes if they were to host instead (?)

TiaMariaandEggnog Tue 01-Jan-13 22:19:27

Maybe suggest a get together and ask for volunteers to host as you did it last time?

We are very much the 'default' party location within our group of friends, but are getting quite good at sharing the load now, as it can be exhausting!

Tryharder Tue 01-Jan-13 22:31:18

Ok, I want to add something from another perspective. I doubt that your friends are rude and/or ungrateful, more like they feel ill equipped to host a function and feel that you do it so much better so are happy to let you continue.

I say this because i have a friend who is constantly inviting me round to her house. She has a lovely home, immaculate, always got nice food/drink in etc. My home is shabby and small by comparison and often untidy as i have so many kids and work FT. I never seem to have decent food in and often get caught short with guests. It's not that I don't want to invite my friend, just that I feel embarrassed to do so and that she wouldn't enjoy herself compared to if I visit her.

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