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To be hurt that OH has gone out partying without telling me?

(27 Posts)
NotAChocolateRaisin Tue 01-Jan-13 00:39:43

I have had to work throughout new years (24 hours for the last four days plus tomorrow) in London, 200 miles from home.
OH didn't pick up phone earlier (v. unusual as we always talk around 11 before bed) and had said earlier that he was just staying in for New Years. (we live together)
Have just gone on Facebook and seen that he is actually having a massive piss up with his mate and a group which will undoubtably include his ex in a city about 30 miles from where we live. He will definitely be sleeping away from home.

Now, I really don't have a problem with him going out (and he certainly doesn't need to tell me) but he lied and the ex thing is knowing at me sad

NotAChocolateRaisin Tue 01-Jan-13 00:40:17

*knawing. Sorry

SirBoobAlot Tue 01-Jan-13 00:41:47

YANBU. Hope work hasn't been too draining.

Pancakeflipper Tue 01-Jan-13 00:43:10

Might be a last minute arrangement?

He must realise it being on FB would be spotted by you?

Don't contact him now. Wait until tomorrow. A drunk row is not what you need.

SantasENormaSnob Tue 01-Jan-13 00:43:15


I would be pissed off too.

NotAChocolateRaisin Tue 01-Jan-13 00:43:30

Thanks SirBoobALot (great name)

CoolaYuleA Tue 01-Jan-13 00:43:40

YANBU - I'd be disappointed for two reasons. One because he lied (massive no no) and two - because he was stupid enough to put it on FB.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 01-Jan-13 00:44:43

might be last minute.

NotAChocolateRaisin Tue 01-Jan-13 00:44:44

I'm not so much angry as confused and upset (and of course maddeningly jealous -not of going out but of her and his knob head of a mate)

NotAChocolateRaisin Tue 01-Jan-13 00:46:04

Oh shit, I hope he's thought it through - the Dog will be home alone (fireworks, walking in the morning...)

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th Tue 01-Jan-13 03:09:51

Doesn't sound as if he has thought it through.

Are you sure you don't have any voice/emails telling you about his change of plans?

They do get delayed on NYE, don't they.

NatashaBee Tue 01-Jan-13 03:22:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 01-Jan-13 03:55:19


As a pp said - going? That's fine. Lying? That is not ok.

Also,he thought it was ok to leave your dog on it's own? Really?! Even if the dog isn't upset buy fireworks that is way too long to leave it.

WaitingForMe Tue 01-Jan-13 04:15:40

It doesn't matter if it was last minute. It would have taken mere seconds to text the OP.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 01-Jan-13 04:42:00

Lying is a big no and very stupid. Discuss it later tomorrow.

yousmell Tue 01-Jan-13 07:52:46

The lying is the problem. Going out is not.

RE the ex. You will just have to trust him if there is nothing to it.

Inertia Tue 01-Jan-13 09:13:35

Not acceptable to lie, ever.

Hope you get some straight answers from him today.

ImperialSantaKnickers Tue 01-Jan-13 09:18:12

I've just received three texts, one from late yesterday afternoon and two rather tiddly ones from mates from last night, so it's not impossible his message (if he sent one) is still in the system.
But I'm sad and angry for the dog.
And for you too OP.

NotAChocolateRaisin Tue 01-Jan-13 10:14:44

Got through to him eventually.
Apparently it was last minute. But he managed to pack a bag, arrange for the dog to stay at his mums (where he would have to either be outside or in the kitchen the whole time because of their evil dog), take the dog to MILs and drive to Derby from Leicester which is a good hour.
I know his mate and the going out would not have been a last minute thing. <sigh>

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 01-Jan-13 10:57:46

I would be really pissed off. YANBU.

An annoying question that MN often asks, but perhaps it is appropriate here - is this something that he would often do?

Did he perhaps not tell you because you would get upset about his ex being there?

NotAChocolateRaisin Tue 01-Jan-13 11:49:35

No, not something he would do often. And tbh, there's no real concern for his feelings with his ex but she has tried to steal him away on numerous occasions so you can appreciate why I'm uncomfortable with the situation.

Also, to be fair to him, it's not like him to lie. I can't think of a time he's lied intentionally.

I probably am being unreasonable

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Tue 01-Jan-13 11:54:53

Yanbu, I wouldn't be happy about this either. He didn't tell you because he thought you wouldn't be best pleased and there is obviously a reason for that.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Tue 01-Jan-13 11:55:35

Not a sinister reason, most probably just that the ex was there and he knew you wouldn't like it (not trying to imply anything, sorry!)

Fairenuff Tue 01-Jan-13 12:05:22

The two questions I would want answered are:

1) Why did he lie (saying he was not going out when he had planned to go out)

2) Why is he still lying to cover up the first lie (saying it was a last minute arrangement)

CSIJanner Tue 01-Jan-13 12:47:20

An hour drive isn't last minute. But he may not have seen not telling you as a lie as opposed to an omission..

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