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to think some people give up their social life once they get married?

(79 Posts)
selectionboxoflife Mon 31-Dec-12 19:16:38

I'm not judging as I know circumstances change, especially when people have children.

But sometimes it feels like once someone is married they feel they don't have to go out anymore.

I hear lots of sneery comments about I don't like going out and getting drunk, it's a phase in my life that I'm over.

Me and a few friends still enjoy getting dressed up on a Saturday and going out for a few cocktails, not getting ridiculously drunk and falling over.

Some friends I've barely seen since they moved in with their partners and get married.

Some of them would need surgery to be separated from their partner, therefore if its a girls night they will more than likely refuse.

Or I hear, I'd rather have a take away and curl up on the sofa than go out.

And on that note, I'm off out for a meal.

But seriously aibu?

OkayHazel Tue 01-Jan-13 16:40:30

Though that is probably the New Years hangover talking.

OkayHazel Tue 01-Jan-13 16:39:04

I'm 20 and single and would still rather have a takeaway in my pjs.

YouOldTinsellySlag Tue 01-Jan-13 16:33:38

Well said PackitIn.

The OP implies that it's marriage that stops people socialising and going out, but in fact, in my case it's the fact that after looking after two small children all day I am exhausted and the thought of going out to queue in noisy places when I just need relaxation and peace and quiet is just really unattractive to me. It's also relevant that since having babies my tolerance for alcohol is dreadful and getting drunk wipes me out for nearly two days. I don't have two spare days anymore to be hungover so I just don't like getting drunk.

I have usually spent at least 12 hours a day trying to keep two short people happy so by the time that's done, I don't feel like pleasing anyone but myself.

I still see my friends but we are scattered all over the country so we tend to meet in the day, say for Sunday lunch.

Luckily most of my friends feel the same as me so they are a lot more tolerant and understanding than the OP is being!

PackItInNow Tue 01-Jan-13 16:00:53

Why do you feel the need to call posters 'Too thick to understand your post'?

"Me and a few friends still enjoy getting dressed up on a Saturday and going out for a few cocktails, not getting ridiculously drunk and falling over". This is what you quoted in your OP (and I C&P'd it from the opening post, so you can't say you didn't say that) and it specifically states about Saturday and cocktails. So correct me if I'm wrong, but where in your full OP does it say about going out in general and not just on a Saturday?

The posters on this thread aren't too thick to understand you post, you didn't make it clear enough to them what you were implying.

You also quote "But sometimes it feels like once someone is married they feel they don't have to go out anymore". They have commitments now and they also change as time goes on, so NO they don't have to go out anymore if they don't feel like it, and whatever reason they have is their business and no-one elses.

Megatron Tue 01-Jan-13 12:09:46

I don't really get the AIBU either here. People change. Maybe the OPs friends have moved on to enjoy other things and the OP hasn't. Either is fine, it's up to you what you do just as it is up to your friends what they enjoy.

adeucalione Tue 01-Jan-13 11:36:40

OP, I know you have since clarified that you meant any type of socialising, but your OP does specifically refer to those friends of yours who make sneery remarks about not wanting to go out and get drunk, and those who aren't interested in a girls' night out anymore.

In which case I don't think you can call people thick if they misunderstood.

In fact, your subsequent posts don't make you sound very nice and I expect your former friends are doing plenty of socialising, but just not telling you about it.

myfirstkitchen Tue 01-Jan-13 11:32:26

Outgrown it.
Still enjoy gin and wine with friends though and still have a busy social life and lots of friends.

Partied a lot when I was younger so got it out of my system.

I also remember being in my teens/20s (and early 30s) and having a good laugh at the 'sad old bags' out on the razz! Who wants to be the oldest rocker in town? No thanks!

And girls nights out - eeewwwwww

StrawberryTot Tue 01-Jan-13 09:56:28

I'm not sure which you are. I have friends who as soon as they get a boyfriend cease to exist as an individual and then others (myself included) whose social life has got better!! After 2 kids I have a reason to go out and party!!!! I love letting my hair down with friends grin

SayMama Tue 01-Jan-13 09:50:17

Agreed redlac

jammin Tue 01-Jan-13 09:40:38

I used to get really excited about getting dressed up and going out to bars/clubs from the age of about 16 to 23. After that, I still went out but just casually to pubs/relaxed house parties/dinner/or to see a band etc. Nowadays, I couldn't think of anything worse than going out clubbing - the last couple of times I did, I remember loads of students and young (ie early 20s) people, and sleazy men trying to chat me up.

DP and I still socialise, but perhaps only once every two weeks or so now. I think it's a good balance - while we do like snuggling up with a takeaway and film on the weekends, I've noticed if we go more than a couple of weeks without socialising with other people (which could be something as simple as works xmas do, or family coming to visit), then we get a bit bored. Mostly we socialise together because he is friends with my friends and vice versa, and I really like that actually. What we do would probably sound boring to you though - to a nice local pub for drinks, pub quiz, go out for dinner, have people round for dinner, play board games, play Lets Dance, watch a film etc.

acceptableinthe80s Tue 01-Jan-13 09:29:19

YABU. How is someone saying they don't like going out and getting drunk anymore sneery? They're just being honest. You do know not everyone drinks right?
I recently forced myself to go out and it was just as bad as i remember, loads of drunk people talking crap, 20 minute wait on splash of alcohol, queue to get in, queue for the toilet etc. I'd rather be curled up on my sofa with a good movie any day and i will not apologize for that to anyone.
I know lots of people in their 40's still desperately trying to cling onto their youth and much as i try not judge and have a live and let live philosophy i do feel a bit sorry for them in a way.

Dinosaurhunter Tue 01-Jan-13 09:25:56

Yanbu - I love socialising with my close friends I also enjoy going out as couples and of course spending time with my dh . I find it very Odd how some posters have said they have grown out of this - really ?

whistlestopcafe Tue 01-Jan-13 09:25:34

I hardly socialised before I met dh so no change when I met him.

bleedingheart Tue 01-Jan-13 09:24:08

I didn't go clubbing to meet men but lots of people do and when they've found one they give up pretending that they enjoyed it!

bleedingheart Tue 01-Jan-13 09:22:00

Some nightclubs do teen discos before official opening, say 7pm until 10pm. If they did a knackered thirty something disco along the same hours I'd be well up for it! I miss dancing (indie shoe gazing rather than raving) so much, I like current music etc but give me a night off childcare and I will still be shattered by ten and craving my bed!
I do see friends for coffee and the cinema and find great value in female friendship but things evolve don't they?

vjg13 Tue 01-Jan-13 09:12:19

YANBU, I know lots of people who never go out and I don't get it either. We have a babysitter once a week and make an effort to go out for a drink and a meal.

redlac Tue 01-Jan-13 09:10:14

selectionboxoflife aselectionboxoflife - same OP? A wee tip don't call MNers too thick to understand your post when you can't even remember your log in name

I understand your OP completely - I just don't feel the need to live like you do so shoot me

FrameyMcFrame Tue 01-Jan-13 09:07:52

I work full time and have 2 kids. I'm not having the energy for a social life too. It's sad but I can't afford the time/sleep.
Hopefully I will have more time in the future.

Megatron Tue 01-Jan-13 09:06:26

Well its kind of up to your friends isn't it. They have found something else they'd rather do, that's life sometimes. I promised myself when I was in my 20s that I would not be one of those middle aged women in a pink stetson staggering out of a club and vomming on the pavement. Now at 45 I still don't want to be. Take away and a film for me now, boring for some but good for us. smile

onyx72 Tue 01-Jan-13 09:03:34

Each to their own.
I have reached the grand old age of 40 and I can't imagine the thought of never going out again.
I'm a sociable person and sometimes I like having a reason to get dressed up and go out to dinner/drinks/ a party with DH and/or friends.
I'm not talking about staying out until dawn and getting hammered on WKD.
The prospect of sitting in with a takeaway and a bottle of wine has it's appeal - just not every weekend.

FundusCrispyPancake Tue 01-Jan-13 09:01:44

Perhaps some people actually like their DH shock

foreverondiet Tue 01-Jan-13 08:55:24

I don't really understand your AIBU... DH mainly go out now to friends parties or maybe cinema or dinner but much less often than before DC due to cost of babysitting. I go to PTA meetings on my own and DH is often not home from work until late making it hard for me to plan weekday evening outings. Also go to gym. Re: other sort of going out eg clubbing / drinking I never did that anyway. Besides isn't part of that about finDing a boyfriend or am I missing something? We were married for 6 years before DD was born so think that major pArt of reduced social life is the kids.

worsestershiresauce Tue 01-Jan-13 08:47:17

Sounds like your friends have grown up that's all. My DH doesn't much like lad's nights out either any more. Age catches up.

Loveweekends10 Tue 01-Jan-13 08:40:14

It's probably more the case that your friends have grown up. Your priorities change and you just start finding friends that witter on about how much fun it is to go out a bit dull.
It's life I'm afraid.

Sandydunes Tue 01-Jan-13 08:35:33

As much as I used to love dancing and drinking til the small hours in my twenties, I just can't do it anymore.

At the weekends I am too tired from juggling work and children that all i want to do is relax, not be out until all hours. And my friends who don't have children are the same as well, so i think its an age thing (mid thirties) rather than a marriage thing.

I still enjoy a nice social life meeting friends for lunch, dinner, drinks, coffee..but am usually home by midnight at the latest.

Having a toddler who only started sleeping at night at 2.5 years, and a baby who is up twice during the night soon puts you off going out. Whats the point in staying out late and drinking when you know you are going to be exhausted the next day and still have to entertain and feed two children who show no mercy!

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