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to think some people give up their social life once they get married?

(79 Posts)
selectionboxoflife Mon 31-Dec-12 19:16:38

I'm not judging as I know circumstances change, especially when people have children.

But sometimes it feels like once someone is married they feel they don't have to go out anymore.

I hear lots of sneery comments about I don't like going out and getting drunk, it's a phase in my life that I'm over.

Me and a few friends still enjoy getting dressed up on a Saturday and going out for a few cocktails, not getting ridiculously drunk and falling over.

Some friends I've barely seen since they moved in with their partners and get married.

Some of them would need surgery to be separated from their partner, therefore if its a girls night they will more than likely refuse.

Or I hear, I'd rather have a take away and curl up on the sofa than go out.

And on that note, I'm off out for a meal.

But seriously aibu?

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Mon 31-Dec-12 19:49:07

I think marriage is sort of coincidence

have friends who are still single who went off going out in town around the same time I did (when I DID get married), I love seeing them for coffee or food or meals in/out, or just going somewhere clean and not too noisy where you can have a good chat! they prefer early nights and good books too now.

IMO I'd have grown apart from the ones who are still doing the same thing we did in our 20s had I not have got married and had kids, I'd be like my single friends who I am still friends with - the ones who won't be heading out into the carnage of town either tonight!

tittytittyhanghang Mon 31-Dec-12 19:49:10

YANBU, but its probaby the children aspect rather than the partner, as in (a) getting a babysitter and (b) having to deal with them the morning after! Also im blaming age. I love a good girls night out but finding i just cant be bothered! Especially when its cold and raining! Plus theres also the money side, fine when i was young and had no real bills but now ive got kids and a house to deal with, the £50-£100 for a night out can always be spent on something else. OMFG im old before my time!

ArkadyRose Mon 31-Dec-12 19:49:46

I'm with wordfactory - Saturday night trawling bars drinking with "the girls" sounds like a very boring waste of an evening, not to mention money.

And if someone feels they've outgrown that phase of their life when they get married, then that's up to them. OP, YABU. You'll grow out of it yourself in time, so stop looking down on those who already have.

ChunkyTurkeywiththetrimmings Mon 31-Dec-12 19:53:06

I don't go out as much as I used to, but whether that's because I got married, which coincided with my pg with my first, or whether it happened before when I moved in with my (now) DH, I don't know.

I think the fact that most 'proper' nights out now require some sort of travel, as friends are dispersed further afield, which means at least 1 person has to drive, hence not drink, which is miserable when everyone else is, or you have to stay overnight, which becomes less & less appealing. Add the toddler that would make hangovers even more hellish & there's no longer any incentive to go out 'partying' into the wee small hours.

I wouldn't go 'out' out on NYE for love nor money, but that's always been my stance - DH/DC just give me a good excuse not to.

FestiveElement Mon 31-Dec-12 20:15:18


I have done this to a certain extent, and I've decided I want to get back to being more social.

I still go out with friends but DH and I had a lot of mutual friends before we got together, so we mainly tend to see them when we go out. I got lazy and just left it to DH to sort out our plans, as he's better than me at making arrangements. He also got quite close to one of my closest friends husbands, so the two of them would make plans, me and my friend are both quote laid back and would go along with whatever they arranged, and got out of the habit of sorting plans out for ourselves, especially as we still got to see each other. Around the same time, a couple of my other girl friends moved away, so arranging to meet up became more difficult and involves putting dates in the diary two or three months in advance.

So all in all, I feel very much like one of the people you are talking about, because I hardly ever go out without my DH anymore.

But it's going to change! That's what 2013's for!

YouOldTinsellySlag Mon 31-Dec-12 20:19:02

I'm married with kids. It's NYE and I am in pyjamas awaiting a take away. I seriously could not be happier.

I still value and see my dear friends but would rather see them for a conversation and some cake than a loud expensive night out. I'm 42 and it's just not my thing anymore. I think it's an age thing rather than a "I prefer my bloke to my mates" thing.

Please don't make me go back out there! I'm done!

E320 Mon 31-Dec-12 20:20:12

Perhaps people do not feel like going put and getting trashed after they marry because they have moved on. Let's face it, the "going out" thing happens so that you can find your "mate" and procreate, doesn't it?

Pantofino Mon 31-Dec-12 20:23:57

I love a good meal out with friends, but can't be doing with queuing and standing up all night on an evening out anymore. Everything has it time and place. I used to get WELL excited about NYE. Nowadays, I will be more than happy if I stay awake long enough for the fireworks...

RedToothbrush Mon 31-Dec-12 20:37:42

When you find a partner, you tend to also move in with/buy a house and all that goes with that. So in many cases it means you can't afford to go out like you did previously, even if you were arsed about doing it...

Main reason I don't go out much is, my friends live all over the show, so weekends away are more the order of the day. And they aren't cheap.

peaceandlovebunny Mon 31-Dec-12 20:44:14

why shouldn't they give up that kind of social life? they don't need it. they've sorted themselves out with a proper partner. it would be inefficient to continue going out.

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 31-Dec-12 20:49:57

I do see your point op, it's not good to put everything in your partner and not have a life outside that person. I don't have a partner so I can't even use that excuse for why I don't go out grin

3monkeys3 Mon 31-Dec-12 20:50:31

I have been with dh for 12 years now, and married for 6, we have 3 young dc. I go out very happily with friends, without him, now, but for years I couldn't bear to be apart from him! I think not socialising is a feature of a newish relationship and as the relationship matures you start to socialise again. That's my experience anyway.

Pantofino Mon 31-Dec-12 21:04:40

There is a BIG difference between not going out, and not going out on NYE. NYE tends to be busy/crowded/overpriced. It is hard to get a babysitter. We have just had Xmas and are most likely knackered/skint. That is entirely different to never going out because you can't leave your partner/children for five mins and different again from not going out because you just can't afford it.

StrawberryMojito Mon 31-Dec-12 21:20:33

Marriage coincided with having a baby for me, and it is definitely the baby that has ruined my social life as we have only one local family member to babysit. I suppose my DH could stay in whilst I go out (and that does happen infrequently) but to be honest between working and still having to get up during the night with DS, I'm always too knackered to really contemplate it. Add a reduction in wage due to going part time and quite often I'm too skint to spend money on taxis, drinks etc.
I happen to know that one of my friends has a bee in her bonnet about me not going out as much and to be honest, that really pisses me off as I once barely saw her for an entire year when she got a new boyfriend and I was single. It is only since I had DS that I reduced my nights out.

Adversecalendar Mon 31-Dec-12 21:34:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Mon 31-Dec-12 21:38:51

I love going out for dinner and drinks with my women friends.

I'm surprised people hate it so much.

yousmell Mon 31-Dec-12 22:45:20

yes i agree, it's babies and toddlers not husbands that prevent me from going out.

yousmell Mon 31-Dec-12 22:45:55

at night! Although actually I don't do too badly ow my youngest is 2.

Jamdoughnutfiend Mon 31-Dec-12 22:53:24

I enjoy going out for nice meals with my friends, catching up and having a laugh, but the idea of going to a noisy pub or to a club just fills me with horror. I am happy to have left that part of my life behind to be honest.

So YABU ( snuggles a bit more on the sofa and thanks her lucky stars he isn't out tonight)

KittyFane1 Mon 31-Dec-12 22:57:20

YABU. As another poster said, children keep some of us in, not DHs. I go out with friends in the day a lot. We've been out all day today with friends. Should I be sipping cocktails in a bar with the girls ( and their DHs) now because it's NYE? hmm I can't think of anything worse honestly. I have been there and done that and I've changed. Doesn't make me sad.

aselectionboxoflife Tue 01-Jan-13 01:17:07

I was using my night out as an example btw. Sorry some women on here were too thick to understand that.

I mean any night out with friends, or an afternoon coffee, or late lunch etc.

Some people seem to prefer it just to be them and their OH. Which i find incredibly sad and boring.

And having a girls night out is pathetic? All my friends including me are with someone, so yes sometimes it's nice to have a night out where it is just your friends. .

And Kitty you obviously didn't read my post I stated quite clearly that children change circumstances quite a lot. I also never defined having a social life as going out for cocktails with friends. YABU for not reading he OP properly. I also never said anyone was sad.

Go figure.

aselectionboxoflife Tue 01-Jan-13 01:18:13

And ps in case anyone else is too thick to understand my post, I mean going out in general.

Whether it be a lunch with friends, a coffee, girls night, cocktails, dinner.

Some are so anti-social they will do nothing.

Arthurfowlersallotment Tue 01-Jan-13 01:29:14

I'm too fucking tired these days.

Loquace Tue 01-Jan-13 01:32:02

But....I like being in with DH. He is my fave (adult) person ever.

Isn't that what you're supposed to do, spend your free time with the person/s you most want to spend said time with, doing what makes you happy ?

And who really wants an old fart like me hanging about ona night out, looking grumpily at her watch, wincing at the noise and wishing time would go quicker so she could home. Plus I don't drink since Chianti got me pregnant. So I'd be extra boring to have around on a drinky based night out.

My friends and and see each other in other contexts. Each others houses, coffee, going shopping etc. Some love going out, and more power to them, I'd kill for that kind of energy after 8pm. Some of us don't and would be no fun at all if arm twisted off our sofas.

Loquace Tue 01-Jan-13 01:33:56

oh hang on, it went from nights out to doing casual stuff in the day too.

Ok casual stuff in the day I do do. Work/life permitting.

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