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To feel a bit sad for my DH after comments made about my giving birth to DD4?

(83 Posts)
RubyGrace17 Mon 31-Dec-12 13:02:51

Hi all,

I gave birth to DD4 on Christmas Eve. We, and both families, are thrilled. We didn't find out the sex in advance and would have homestly been happy either way. Our girls are delighted to have a new baby sister and we've been enjoying adjusting to being a family of 6 over Christmas.

However, today DH went into his office to pick up some files and took the girls to get a bit of breakfast, leaving DD4 with me to get some rest. Everyone was full of congratulations, apart from the senior partner, who has just become a dad for the first time to twin boys, in November. One of DH's female colleagues asked if we were "finished" having babies, now we're at 4, to which DH said that we were most likely finished as I'm planning on going back to work in August. The partner piped up "What a shame, you'll never experience being a "true father"" My DH asked what he meant and he claimed that a man only experiences true fatherhood when you are a father to a son.

DH happened to mention this to me in the passing, in a "how ridiculous is this" sort of a way but I feel a bit sad for DH, in my hormonal state! I am I being unreasonable to think this is a shitty thing to say? The partner by the way is 62 and holds rather chauvinistic views about life in general.

Thank you for any replies!

Loislane78 Mon 31-Dec-12 20:36:58

I'm the youngest of 4 girls and whilst dad jokes about never getting in the bathroom etc. when we were younger, I don't think he'd have it any other way - best dressed dad in town smile


3monkeys3 Mon 31-Dec-12 20:19:28

He is a dickhead - your poor dh! I do think that sadly quite a lot of men feel a bit like this - we have 2 boys and a girl and dh was slapped on the back quite a lot when we had our boys (first and third). I also think that the majority of men who have only daughters don't feel they are missing out - it is the men who don't have children/have mixed gender families who seem to think it's a problem.

FriendlyLadybird Mon 31-Dec-12 20:11:58

What a stupid thing to say. I wouldn't waste your hormones on feeling sad for your DH, though -- he obviously wasn't bothered, and why should he be? Congratulations to you both.

mrsjay Mon 31-Dec-12 16:36:43

like that*

mrsjay Mon 31-Dec-12 16:36:27

Yeah, because you can never play footy with a daughter or soldiers or run around with her in any way.

or take her fishing or build lego or have a grown up 1 who is training to be an engineer nope girls cant do anything grin

Itsafreefuckingcuntry Mon 31-Dec-12 16:26:26

I bet he has a flash car to compensate for his withering, tiny cock.

homeaway Mon 31-Dec-12 16:17:23

Congratulations to you all ! I am outraged on your behalf , what a load of ......

Itsafreefuckingcuntry Mon 31-Dec-12 16:12:57


Itsafreefuckingcuntry Mon 31-Dec-12 16:12:41

I can't be a true mother as I am mother to boys!!?!

Seriously though, ignore this utter twunt. He sounds bitter and miserable and wants everyone to feel the same. The facts are that your husband IS a father and you are a mother.

Just because Hitler was in charge, it didn't make him right.

Oh an congratulations btw!

TheSecondComing Mon 31-Dec-12 16:12:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 Mon 31-Dec-12 16:10:12

Congratulations to you and your family!

On the subject of the other poor family, I hope those twon boys will have other male role models who are positive in their life and be secure in themselves - they are going to need it with a father who is a MCP sad

CheerMum Mon 31-Dec-12 16:05:34

What a twat! And such a deeply ridiculous comment!

True parenting? Actually made me snort out loud!

JamieandtheMagiTorch Mon 31-Dec-12 16:02:45


As a mother of two of the same sex, i wouldn't presume to know what it's like to parent two of different genders.

But then, my two are so unalike as to practically be of different genders ........ wink.

JamieandtheMagiTorch Mon 31-Dec-12 15:59:13

I agree that many people will think it.
Gender stereotyyping is so deep seated it is hard to shift.

Most of us cop on to ourselves and would never say anything.

RedToothbrush Mon 31-Dec-12 15:58:33

Did he say this in front of a female colleague?

If he did, he's not only a sexist arse, but he's displaying sexist arse behaviour in the work place.

If you DH was also so unprofessional, he could make a lot of equally crass and rude remarks age his age and his children.

But I'm sure he's not. And technically this partner could have complaints made against him for his comment.

GreenShadow Mon 31-Dec-12 15:55:05

But I do think that people have to realise how common a feeling this is. It may not be PC to say it, but underneath, many people think it.

I remember as a young child, my brother's best friend was one of 3 boys and even at a young age, I remember thinking 'poor mother, surrounded by all those males'.

Many years on, guess what - I now have 3 boys and of course it seems perfectly natural to me and I can't imagine anything other than that. But if you had suggested to my 10 year old self that was what I would end up with, I may well have been horrified.

I genuinely think that most peoples first thoughts (not words I hope) on hearing that someone is having the 3rd or 4th of the same sex will be, 'oh, what a pity'. They may quickly recover from that, but I'm sure it still happens.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 31-Dec-12 15:55:04

Your DH's colleague is a knob.

Being a "true father" has nothing to do with the gender of the children.

anothershittynickname Mon 31-Dec-12 15:34:05

You are talking shite!

pigletmania Mon 31-Dec-12 15:33:58

What's twat if curse your dh s experiencing true fatherhood

GalaxyDisaStar Mon 31-Dec-12 15:26:20

He's a twat.

I was discussing having more children with a friend recently (have two and am very conflicted about whether I want more). She said she stopped at two as she had one of each, but she could understand if I tried for a third as I had two girls and would get a fuller experience of parenthood.

People have odd ideas.

You could equally say he hasn't experienced parenthood because he's never had a singleton. Or never been young enough to belt around in the park after his kids. Every experience of parenthood is different. And, to recap on my previous point, he's a twat.

Tailtwister Mon 31-Dec-12 15:26:05

What a nasty thing to say!

Don't give it a second thought OP. Congratulations on your new baby.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 31-Dec-12 15:26:01

Many, many congratulations on your new baby girl. I have three girls. My fourth dc is a boy but I understand exactly what you mean when you say you are utterly delighted with four girls. I would have been thrilled to have four girls too. Some people are utter knobs. Your husband's senior partner falls into that camp. He is probably jealous of your dh's happiness. What a moronic comment. He is perhaps feeling uneasy that he is a very old father and so trying to compensate by telling himself that he has the 'perfect' experience of fatherhood. He will be 72 when his boys are ten. Perhaps he feels bad about that.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Mon 31-Dec-12 15:20:29

YANBU. It is a shitty thing to say.

My DH got congratulated on the birth of our son with a smack on the back and a hearty 'well done, ^men make men^" by his Danish boss.

Oh tell him to fuck right off. Twat. Although if he's the boss then maybe word it a little more subtly...

We have two girls and aren't having any more. Neither of us feel any longing for a boy. We've got what we've got.

Now congratulations and enjoy your snuggly newborn. That was me this time last year <eyes nearly 1yo dd2 and sobs>

JamieandtheMagiTorch Mon 31-Dec-12 15:18:12

Senior Partner? Law Firm?

Probably rarely sees his own children and will end up shagging one of his underlings....

See, i can spout prejudiced nonsense too...

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