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To feel a bit sad for my DH after comments made about my giving birth to DD4?

(83 Posts)
RubyGrace17 Mon 31-Dec-12 13:02:51

Hi all,

I gave birth to DD4 on Christmas Eve. We, and both families, are thrilled. We didn't find out the sex in advance and would have homestly been happy either way. Our girls are delighted to have a new baby sister and we've been enjoying adjusting to being a family of 6 over Christmas.

However, today DH went into his office to pick up some files and took the girls to get a bit of breakfast, leaving DD4 with me to get some rest. Everyone was full of congratulations, apart from the senior partner, who has just become a dad for the first time to twin boys, in November. One of DH's female colleagues asked if we were "finished" having babies, now we're at 4, to which DH said that we were most likely finished as I'm planning on going back to work in August. The partner piped up "What a shame, you'll never experience being a "true father"" My DH asked what he meant and he claimed that a man only experiences true fatherhood when you are a father to a son.

DH happened to mention this to me in the passing, in a "how ridiculous is this" sort of a way but I feel a bit sad for DH, in my hormonal state! I am I being unreasonable to think this is a shitty thing to say? The partner by the way is 62 and holds rather chauvinistic views about life in general.

Thank you for any replies!

diddl Mon 31-Dec-12 14:23:18

Yeah, because you can never play footy with a daughter or soldiers or run around with her in any way...

sweetkitty Mon 31-Dec-12 14:30:07

We got this when DD3 was born, according to my mother you aren't a real woman until you have a son!

We've since had the precious boy so apparently we can stop now we've got our boy (no we've stopped regardless).

I've heard that the more manly you are the more daughters you have.

Your DHs hubby is an idiot.

ZenNudist Mon 31-Dec-12 14:32:24

I wouldn't feel sad senior partner clearly a loon. Probably got where he is by being ultra competitive and putting everyone else down. His comment just reflects badly on him.

notnagging Mon 31-Dec-12 14:41:28

I have 5 boys op & I get crappy comments all the time. Your dh will show your girls what a good man is & save them alot of hassle in the

Journey Mon 31-Dec-12 14:42:53

What the senior partner said is just weird but if he is 62 and has just had twin boys then I bet you he's finding the adjustment hard. He is also probably worried that he may not be around when the boys start high school. I think the stupid remark is down to his own insecurities of being a father so late in life.

Putting the comment aside though I would ask how your DH really feels about having four DDs. The reason I say this is because I have three ds who I love and adore but I still wanted a DD (who I now have). The only person I felt I could reveal this to was my DH. I'm not saying your DH feels like this at all but I think knowing he can be honest with you can really help if deep down he does. Equally if you would have liked a ds. Silly comments like those from his senior partner can be harder to take if you can't download to anyone.

Congratultion on the birth of your dd. Four dcs is a lot of hard work but also a lot of fun.

QueenofNightmares Mon 31-Dec-12 14:56:27


What a stupid thing to say he's a true father by his actions of loving and caring for his family not by the sex of his children. When I found out that I'm pregnant with DS after having had DD my MIL turned to me and said "Well at least now you've proven yourself a real woman" shock Apparently it takes a real man to give a woman a daughter and a real woman to give a man a son.

There are some bloody strange notions floating around out there.

OnlyWantsOne Mon 31-Dec-12 15:07:54

What a wanker. I have three girls and would be chuffed to have another - CONGRATULATIONS

btw my DP is an amazing father to the girls and is a "real" dad.

jellybeans Mon 31-Dec-12 15:14:56

YANBU! What a twat! I had only girls first and got comments like this, mainly from the 'lads' at work to DH. However, friends with just boys also got comments about how they must be desperate for girls, asked are they disappointed etc. One 'friend' told me my DH's sperm must be weak since we had girls (she had boys). I once visited a friend in hospital who had just had a boy. My own baby DD was a few months old. Her husband told me he was glad he had a boy as girls 'just aren't the same'. Hmm nice. Fast forward a few years and he now has his own DD who he is smitten with! Bet he feels stupid now! Grrr any baby is a precious blessing!

JamieandtheMagiTorch Mon 31-Dec-12 15:18:12

Senior Partner? Law Firm?

Probably rarely sees his own children and will end up shagging one of his underlings....

See, i can spout prejudiced nonsense too...

Oh tell him to fuck right off. Twat. Although if he's the boss then maybe word it a little more subtly...

We have two girls and aren't having any more. Neither of us feel any longing for a boy. We've got what we've got.

Now congratulations and enjoy your snuggly newborn. That was me this time last year <eyes nearly 1yo dd2 and sobs>

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Mon 31-Dec-12 15:20:29

YANBU. It is a shitty thing to say.

My DH got congratulated on the birth of our son with a smack on the back and a hearty 'well done, ^men make men^" by his Danish boss.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 31-Dec-12 15:26:01

Many, many congratulations on your new baby girl. I have three girls. My fourth dc is a boy but I understand exactly what you mean when you say you are utterly delighted with four girls. I would have been thrilled to have four girls too. Some people are utter knobs. Your husband's senior partner falls into that camp. He is probably jealous of your dh's happiness. What a moronic comment. He is perhaps feeling uneasy that he is a very old father and so trying to compensate by telling himself that he has the 'perfect' experience of fatherhood. He will be 72 when his boys are ten. Perhaps he feels bad about that.

Tailtwister Mon 31-Dec-12 15:26:05

What a nasty thing to say!

Don't give it a second thought OP. Congratulations on your new baby.

GalaxyDisaStar Mon 31-Dec-12 15:26:20

He's a twat.

I was discussing having more children with a friend recently (have two and am very conflicted about whether I want more). She said she stopped at two as she had one of each, but she could understand if I tried for a third as I had two girls and would get a fuller experience of parenthood.

People have odd ideas.

You could equally say he hasn't experienced parenthood because he's never had a singleton. Or never been young enough to belt around in the park after his kids. Every experience of parenthood is different. And, to recap on my previous point, he's a twat.

pigletmania Mon 31-Dec-12 15:33:58

What's twat if curse your dh s experiencing true fatherhood

anothershittynickname Mon 31-Dec-12 15:34:05

You are talking shite!

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 31-Dec-12 15:55:04

Your DH's colleague is a knob.

Being a "true father" has nothing to do with the gender of the children.

GreenShadow Mon 31-Dec-12 15:55:05

But I do think that people have to realise how common a feeling this is. It may not be PC to say it, but underneath, many people think it.

I remember as a young child, my brother's best friend was one of 3 boys and even at a young age, I remember thinking 'poor mother, surrounded by all those males'.

Many years on, guess what - I now have 3 boys and of course it seems perfectly natural to me and I can't imagine anything other than that. But if you had suggested to my 10 year old self that was what I would end up with, I may well have been horrified.

I genuinely think that most peoples first thoughts (not words I hope) on hearing that someone is having the 3rd or 4th of the same sex will be, 'oh, what a pity'. They may quickly recover from that, but I'm sure it still happens.

RedToothbrush Mon 31-Dec-12 15:58:33

Did he say this in front of a female colleague?

If he did, he's not only a sexist arse, but he's displaying sexist arse behaviour in the work place.

If you DH was also so unprofessional, he could make a lot of equally crass and rude remarks age his age and his children.

But I'm sure he's not. And technically this partner could have complaints made against him for his comment.

JamieandtheMagiTorch Mon 31-Dec-12 15:59:13

I agree that many people will think it.
Gender stereotyyping is so deep seated it is hard to shift.

Most of us cop on to ourselves and would never say anything.

JamieandtheMagiTorch Mon 31-Dec-12 16:02:45


As a mother of two of the same sex, i wouldn't presume to know what it's like to parent two of different genders.

But then, my two are so unalike as to practically be of different genders ........ wink.

CheerMum Mon 31-Dec-12 16:05:34

What a twat! And such a deeply ridiculous comment!

True parenting? Actually made me snort out loud!

ivykaty44 Mon 31-Dec-12 16:10:12

Congratulations to you and your family!

On the subject of the other poor family, I hope those twon boys will have other male role models who are positive in their life and be secure in themselves - they are going to need it with a father who is a MCP sad

TheSecondComing Mon 31-Dec-12 16:12:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsafreefuckingcuntry Mon 31-Dec-12 16:12:41

I can't be a true mother as I am mother to boys!!?!

Seriously though, ignore this utter twunt. He sounds bitter and miserable and wants everyone to feel the same. The facts are that your husband IS a father and you are a mother.

Just because Hitler was in charge, it didn't make him right.

Oh an congratulations btw!

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