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To feel a bit sad for my DH after comments made about my giving birth to DD4?

(83 Posts)
RubyGrace17 Mon 31-Dec-12 13:02:51

Hi all,

I gave birth to DD4 on Christmas Eve. We, and both families, are thrilled. We didn't find out the sex in advance and would have homestly been happy either way. Our girls are delighted to have a new baby sister and we've been enjoying adjusting to being a family of 6 over Christmas.

However, today DH went into his office to pick up some files and took the girls to get a bit of breakfast, leaving DD4 with me to get some rest. Everyone was full of congratulations, apart from the senior partner, who has just become a dad for the first time to twin boys, in November. One of DH's female colleagues asked if we were "finished" having babies, now we're at 4, to which DH said that we were most likely finished as I'm planning on going back to work in August. The partner piped up "What a shame, you'll never experience being a "true father"" My DH asked what he meant and he claimed that a man only experiences true fatherhood when you are a father to a son.

DH happened to mention this to me in the passing, in a "how ridiculous is this" sort of a way but I feel a bit sad for DH, in my hormonal state! I am I being unreasonable to think this is a shitty thing to say? The partner by the way is 62 and holds rather chauvinistic views about life in general.

Thank you for any replies!

FlojoHoHoHo Mon 31-Dec-12 13:15:45

YANBU that is awful, its bad enough to think it but to say it out loud is ridiculous, shame your DH didn't tell him this!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 31-Dec-12 13:17:09

Wow, he's an idiot!

Congratulations on your baby thanks

5madthings Mon 31-Dec-12 13:17:43

Oh what a twat!! We had many comments when we had ds4 and have had many mote since having no 5 dd. A neighbour said to me that dp was a real man now he had a daughter and i had lots of comments about how i must be despetate for a girl nlah blah.

Ignore them and congratulations on your new baby girl smile

JingleBel Mon 31-Dec-12 13:19:06

Bonsoir hmm.

Having been up since 5 with ds2. I truely believe my boys give a " full experience" of parenthood.

The partner is being a dick btw

FolkElf Mon 31-Dec-12 13:20:27

What a dick!

oldpeculiar Mon 31-Dec-12 13:20:52

Me thinks he doth protest too much, and very much longed for a DD himself.It is sadly usual to have a bit of commiseration from others when you have 4 or the same sex (DB has 4 girls and MIL 5 boys and both got this a lot)

blackcurrants Mon 31-Dec-12 13:22:13

YANBU. He's a twit. Congratulations on your snuggly newborn!
We have had people commiserate with us over two sons, and ask if we will try for a girl- but to infer that parenting children of one sex is less valid than the other or a mixture or both is SO stupid as to be laughable .

Totally get what you mean about the hormones (DS2 born on boxing day) but please don't worry, he was being vERY U.

peaceandlovebunny Mon 31-Dec-12 13:24:26

congratulations on having four lovely daughters!

pass on my congratulations to your husband also. what a man! it takes healthy, vigorous sperm to make a daughter - weaker sperm to make sons. check it out - i'm right. an older, or less healthy, father, is more likely to have a son than a daughter.

and your husband has given you four daughters... you are a lucky woman indeed!

Mockingcurl Mon 31-Dec-12 13:25:28

My mil told me to have a fourth child so that I could "get it right next time and have a girl." This was when ds3 was 2 days old. I have never forgiven her.
The number of strangers who sympathised over having 3 boys in tow was unbelievable. Just ignore them.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 31-Dec-12 13:27:16

Bonsoir what a ridiculous comment to make! One could equally assert that to get a full experience of parenting you'd need a sporty child and a not-so-sporty one; one that eats everything and one who does not; an academic one and another that struggles...

And yes, OP, unfortunately your husband works with a twat.

RubyGrace17 Mon 31-Dec-12 13:28:05

Thank you all so much for the reassurance and congrats! We definitely feel like the luckiest people in the World right now! My DH loves his girls to pieces (as every daddy does) and the best Dad I could ever have wanted for my children. It just made me feel so sad for him, even though he doesn't seem bothered in the least.

We had a name for a boy picked out but the girls name was trickier, Ruprekt. We decided in the end to call her Eloisa, though she's very quickly become Lulu, thanks to DD1!


higgle Mon 31-Dec-12 13:28:49

Is it a law firm? Senior Partners of law firms seldom say anything that indicates they live on the same planet as the rest of us. Congratulations on DD4.

LynetteScavo Mon 31-Dec-12 13:31:24

Bonsoir, I think that's like saying you get a fuller experience of parenting if you have children with varying talents and SN's. hmm

If I just had my boys, I wouldn't have had any less of a parenting experience than with the addition of DD.

RubyGrace17 Mon 31-Dec-12 13:31:31

Higgle, DH is a solicitor, yes!


mrsjay Mon 31-Dec-12 13:34:32

Bonsoir really a full experience of parenting to same sex children don't give you a well rounded experience OK then

BettySuarez Mon 31-Dec-12 13:42:07

What a stupid daft comment - sort of comment my dad would have come out out with hmm

bonsoir - your comment is also ridiculous. I have two of each but in no way think that my experience as a mother would have been less 'well rounded' with 4 of the same sex.

whistlestopcafe Mon 31-Dec-12 13:42:48

Peaceandlovebunny - that isn't true statistically older fathers are more likely to produce girls and teenage fathers produce more sons than any other age group. Not that it matters a jot anyway!

firesidechat Mon 31-Dec-12 13:45:51

Please ignore this ridiculous man.

We have two grownup daughters and my husband has definitely experienced "true fatherhood". If anyone said otherwise he would think it laughable.

He prefered having girls to boys.

HollyBerryBush Mon 31-Dec-12 13:50:54

IMO all parents get a fuller experience of parenting if they have at least one child of each sex

And of course we'd need a gay one, a disabled one, perhaps a duel hertiage one, an albino one, one with ASD - then we could all experience what other people experience.

they're out in force today ....

SmilingHappyBeaver Mon 31-Dec-12 13:54:14

I wonder if his twins were conceived through IVF, due to his low sperm count? It sounds like it might be a petty swipe at your happiness (and fertility) poss motivated by a bit of jealousy perhaps?! A stupid comment from (presumably) an otherise intelligent man.

Congratulations though!

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 31-Dec-12 13:59:45

He's a father at 62?
He's really opening himself up to very negative comments about his sons wiping the drool and changing nappies in their uni holidays. Although being as he's so important despite having no social skills means most will think it rather than say it.
Congratulations on having a lovely addition to your family OP, all families are unique.

dixiechick1975 Mon 31-Dec-12 14:03:15

Guessing your DH is a solicitor

Most law firms/partners seem stuck in about 1950 in my experience.

Ignore and congratulations.

Rosa Mon 31-Dec-12 14:04:02

Oh well my dh will not be a 'true father' either then...
SO his complete joy when dd2 almost rode her bike today without stabilisers is not being a true father
His obvious pride at DD1 in her gym club display is not being a true father

The list of mine and like many others will go on and on and on and on.

Congratulations on DD4 and congratulations to the father as well !!!

toddlerama Mon 31-Dec-12 14:15:06

Partner is a fool.

I get very frustrated with people saying 'oh you got your boy' as DC3 is our first boy. As if that was what were aiming for confused . I really can't fathom attaching importance to something so utterly uncontrollable as your child's gender. If anything, it makes the girly car seat look a little odd, but not so much as I'd bother changing it!

Anything he does differently to his sisters (who were vastly different to each other) is "because he's a boy. Boys are harder". Even people I've confronted with this blatant bullshit STILL say it! If I say "actually he's been my easiest baby overall" they come back with "yes, well boys can be easier". Where are all the MNers in my life? Surely people don't really think this stuff? Apologies for the highjack but DH and I are totally confused by this! It gives me the rage and I can't really explain why!

MerylStrop Mon 31-Dec-12 14:17:25

The bloke at work is so obviously a complete arse that his comments are not worthy of a momen't more thought

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