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AIBU?

To think that the meat course brought tonight should already be cooked?

41 replies

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 07:43

First AIBU, so please be gentle, but I genuinely interested in who IBU here.

I am hosting NYE dinner for 7 of us, after the original hosts dropped out yesterday having come down with flu. The original plan, which we are sticking to, is that everyone brings something. One friend is bringing soup, another fish, someone else dessert (probably not the Bailey's thing - dang and blast it!), I'm doing side dishes and salads, etc, etc. All very nice and friendly. One friend said he would bring meat - steaks, bits of chicken. Lovely! Spoke to him last night and it appears that he is seriously considering turning up with raw meat and expecting me to cook it. AIBU in thinking that this is not on?

I'm asking people for 8. DD is 2 and the time between her bedtime (7.30) and 8 will be spent clearing the flat up and trying to make myself presentable. So even if he turned up early, I still don't think it is really on. I don't want the extra mess and work of now having to cook the main course as well. I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen/running backwards and forwards whilst everyone else is relaxing and having a nice time. And I don't trust him enough to be left alone in my kitchen to do the cooking (he has form for breaking things and/or making a complete mess).

Part of my hesitancy about whether I am BU is that my reactions are very much coloured by his previous history, which is coming up with damn fool ideas that are clearly bonkers and highly inconvenient to other people.

Who is BU?

OP posts:

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Sirzy · 31/12/2012 07:46

Tell him to cook it? To be fair (dependant on what he is providing to go with it) steak doesn't take that much effort to cook and can hardly be eaten cold!

Loveweekends10 · 31/12/2012 07:46

He should bring it cooked or more or less prepared just to finish at yours. Not a good person to allocate the main course to I wouldn't have thought!

DontmindifIdo · 31/12/2012 07:47

tell him you won't be cooking for him, he can have access to your kitchen to 'prepare his dish'.

whoneedssleepanyway · 31/12/2012 07:48

I am not sure. If it was me I would have done something that could b reheated (eg casserole) but steak is no good reheated. Why not let him cook it all at your flat?

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 07:52

Good point about the steaks. But I think it is better for him to change his menu plans rather than expect me to cook it? His original plan was to bring takeaway stuff from a nearby restaurant. Although I wasn't party to the original allocating of food to bring, I think this is why people were happy with him doing the meat.

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TheNebulousBoojum · 31/12/2012 07:52

The carnivores in my family say that reheated meat is nowhere near as tasty as cooked and eaten, so I'd let him cook in your kitchen and tell him so before this evening so he has time to think ahead, plan what he needs and tidy up.

TheNebulousBoojum · 31/12/2012 07:53

Tell him now, then he has the option of changing to take-away.

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 07:53

No no no!!!! He can't have unsupervised access to my kitchen! He WILL break something. Only way he can cook on site, is if DH or I supervise him. Closely.

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TheNebulousBoojum · 31/12/2012 07:55

Then tell him to bring it cooked or get take-away. But tell him now.

Loveweekends10 · 31/12/2012 07:56

Why didn't you swap and tell him to bring salads and you do main course as its at your house. any main course cooked in advance is going to be a bit shit to be honest. It sounds like poor organisation.

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 07:56

I've emailed him to say that something already cooked that needs to be re-heated is fine.
Still really not happy with him cooking in my kitchen. And he won't tidy up. He will leave a mess. I'm not being all precious about things - he just will cock something up and leave a huge mess.

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DontmindifIdo · 31/12/2012 07:57

well, tell him tht he can get the steaks and chicken ready to either go straight in the oven (chicken) or on the griddle (steaks) you will kindly preheat the oven so when he arrives he can pop the chicken straight in (using his dishes) and then put the griddle pan and serving plates out on side for steak, there is no need for him to touch break anything else.

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 07:59

Yes - completely piss poor organisation. In my defense, this is a situation I've inherited from the previous hosts....
Will see what he says in response to the email and will consider swapping.

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DewDr0p · 31/12/2012 08:00

Really? All he needs to cook steak is a frying pan and a pair of tongs! What's to break?

Who's the best cook out of your guests? Have a quiet word and ask them to cook the meat. You really can't cook steak in advance but it takes a couple of mins. It can be cooked after people have finished their starters.

DontmindifIdo · 31/12/2012 08:00

BTW - if you are having starters and a fish course, you will have enough time from him arriving to the chicken being cooked!

But I would suggest again that if he hasn't bought the food yet, you'll do the meat course and he will do the sides and salads.

Bearing in mind that other people with other courses will need access to your kitchen to plate up/heat up etc and will make a mess...

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 08:01

Hmmm. Seems I am B(abit)U. Interesting..... My reaction must really be coloured by his previous history! [grin[]

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lightrain · 31/12/2012 08:03

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. He needs to bring ready- prepared to go in oven (chicken in marinade or whatever), but if its steaks, you can't cook that in advance (so I wouldn't be bringing steaks if it were me assigned to meat).

There's no way that he will be able to bring something ready prepared and hot without needing to use your kitchen. You know that, right? I cant get the gist of what you're expecting him to do - unless you want cold meat?

Loveweekends10 · 31/12/2012 08:03

Concentrate on the fact you are getting together with friends for a good time and don't let the other things spoil that.

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 08:03

Thanks for the reality check re timings, etc. Might not be quite the disaster I was envisaging!

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TheNebulousBoojum · 31/12/2012 08:05

My responses are coloured by the fact that I have an 18 year old son with Asperger's whom I am teaching how to cook more than the basics. So we have set rules about what is and isn't OK and everything is explicit.
Cooking ends with washing up, know your tools so that stuff doesn't melt, use the timer so you don't forget...
Whatever you decide you want to happen, set it out loud, clear and unambiguously. It is possible to be humorous about saying you don't want to spend NYE cleaning up after him, so he should bring take-away.
Don't just fume. Speak. Explain.

Nivet · 31/12/2012 08:06

He made a poor choice for the main course but of course he can't bring previously cooked steak for reheating. If you don't want to cook it then you will have to let him do it.

You do sound a bit precious about the mess/breaking things and as for insisting he would need supervision? Seriously, he's an adult, tell him to clean up after himself.

YAB a bit U.

cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 08:09

light - yes, ready-prepared is better. I was expecting him to just hand the pre-cooked stuff over and I will deal with it. I'm expecting to do all the heating up and serving myself.

Again, in my defense, I think part of my panic is that when I offered to host yesterday after the original hosts pulled out, I had been told by him that he was bringing a selection of meat from a restaurant. That's what I was expecting and that's what I 'signed up for' IYSWIM. Then we speak at 11.30 last night and he's changed his mind. But I can accept that some of my feelings about this are coloured by his previous history and me not liking last minute change like this.

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cardamomginger · 31/12/2012 08:12

Nebulous - thank you, and hope it's going well with DS.
Nivet - he is utterly daft at times. Have already conceded that I am being a bit U!

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TrazzleMISTLEtoes · 31/12/2012 08:16

Reheated meat doesn't taste as nice? I'm sorry but that's not necessarily true!

If you were cooking steaks or chicken breasts without a sauce, ill grant you that, but stuff like curries and casseroles are vastly improved by being reheated.

not entirely sure why anyone would take steaks to someone else's house for a dinner party

yousmell · 31/12/2012 08:21

text her 'please do come round early if you want to cook the chicken at mine. I'll be busy putting the kids to bed and getting the house/me ready but I wont mind if you are in the kitchen doing the chicken'.

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