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to punch people that comment on my appearance?

(33 Posts)
kisssmekate Mon 31-Dec-12 02:28:19

One woman at work comes in and says to me "god you look tired, had a light night last night?"

"Erm ... no"

Cue awkward silence.

Different time -

"wow you look how I feel - tired!"

"Well I was feeling fine before but now I feel like shit"

- Yes sometimes I can look tired no matter how much sleep I've had but why do you feel the need to tell me I look like shit.

<Disclaimer: I wouldn't really punch someone>

kinkyfuckery Mon 31-Dec-12 12:56:45

YANBU. It's one of those I can never work out why people think it's an ok thing to say!

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Mon 31-Dec-12 12:56:40

mrswishy that's excellent! grin

MoreCrackThanHarlem Mon 31-Dec-12 12:56:28

"You're far too skinny, my husband would hate it if I lost weight, he likes a bit of meat!"

This from a colleague.
Can you imagine the uproar if I told her that my husband wouldn't shag someone as fat as her?

Ime people feel its acceptable to comment on skinniness but very rude to mention fat. Humph.

Nancy66 Mon 31-Dec-12 12:54:01

i am naturally very pale and can have dark circles under my eyes.

If people (who usually see me made up) catch me without the slap on they always say I look: tired, ill, exhausted, stressed.

Nope. it's just what my boat race looks like without the war paint.

I don't think people who comment are deliberately being rude - they're just the sort who never think before they open their mouths.

mrswishywashy1 Mon 31-Dec-12 12:48:35

you look they way I feel

I just say back 'well thank god I don't look the way you look' grin

theodorakisses Mon 31-Dec-12 12:24:11

It's not caring its passive aggression. And I am rarely tired and have a full time maid. I have noticed that the people who do this are often fairly unattractive themselves.

Megatron Mon 31-Dec-12 10:02:09

I don't feel like smiling all the bloody time just to avoid someone insulting me. YANBU at all.

mellowcat Mon 31-Dec-12 09:52:50

I used to get this a lot before I started taking iron supplements. Never get it now.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Mon 31-Dec-12 09:48:05

It's not caring. Caring would be 'can I take the children overnight?' 'Can I get through that pile of ironing for you?'
I'm looking at you, MIL.

peaceandlovebunny Mon 31-Dec-12 09:41:58

its caring. 'you look tired' = 'are you ok?'.

BadDog Mon 31-Dec-12 08:19:27

Worse is "you look well". Aka fat

Santasapunkatheart Mon 31-Dec-12 08:18:04

Blimey, I would never say this to anyone. Yes I am always 'pale/tired' apparently. It's annoying and not really very helpful.

If the next person says 'You look how I feel.'....just say 'What... ashamed to be so rude?'


Proudnscaryvirginmary Mon 31-Dec-12 08:10:52

My MIL (who I love) says things like this a lot - you look tired/pale etc. what I find worse is when she (frequently) comments on whatever I'm wearing in front of everyone. Like 'ooh that's a very bright jumper there! Is it new?'. Always an open comment but no compliment! I just end up feeling paranoid and a bit stupid.

stookiesackhouse Mon 31-Dec-12 07:35:20

I get this when I don't wear make-up. I just come back with 'no, I am not tired, I am just not wearing make-up. Thanks for your concern though.' hmm

theodorakisses Mon 31-Dec-12 07:16:44

I used to get this every single day for about 20 years, my mum said I was born with bags under my eyes. I have Botox on my lower eyes and bags now and haven't had a comment for 2 years.

Just remember that, just because you are not a rude twat like them, A return comment may make you feel better. Just pick your moment and try a comment back, if they look hurt, just say you we're concerned, like when they said you looked tired. It really works.

echt Mon 31-Dec-12 06:49:58

The HOD of a school I worked in did this all the time to all women. To be fair she was as thick as, but it still grated.

Eventually: HER: Oooh echt, you DO look tired. ECHT: Yes, I am, would you like to do my marking?

It's just bloody bloody rude. There's no excuse for informing anyone they look bad.

FellatioNelson Mon 31-Dec-12 05:02:09

YABU to punch them YANBU to want to punch them, so long as you abstain.

When I worked and mostly wore make-up but occasionally didn't, I used to get the 'you look tired' or 'are you ill?' thing all the time. That's why I think it's always good to have a 50:50 make-up to no make up policy. It means people think you look normal either way.

SpottyTeacakes Mon 31-Dec-12 03:59:47

I always get it if I'm not wearing make up but since having ds I get it all the time. Pisses me off. Of course I'm tired he's five weeks old and has me up all night ffs if I wasn't round your house for a stupid family get together I could be in bed!! (Guess what I did yesterday?!)

shockers Mon 31-Dec-12 03:50:45

I'm sick of folk asking me if I'm alright at work. I walk around grinning like a loon now, just to fend off the concerned looks. It's winter, I'm pale, I can't do anything about it other than go orange hmm

NoMoreMarbles Mon 31-Dec-12 03:25:09

Just in. A&E?? Where the F did that come from?

Just in case... I meant blush

NoMoreMarbles Mon 31-Dec-12 03:23:47

I hate that! And also when you are pottering about, minding your own business and some A-Hole says "smile, it might never happen..."hmm I tend not to wander around minding my own business with an inane grin on my face just in. A&E someone sees me and has a fleeting thought that I look miserable...

I do sometimes catch myself asking people (ones I know obv...) if they are ok as they don't look itblush

sparkleyangel Mon 31-Dec-12 03:10:41

kisssmekateMon 31-Dec-12 02:43:54

Whats smiling got to do with it sparkley ?

When you smile at people they cant help smiling. A smiley face brightens everyone's day.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Mon 31-Dec-12 02:58:31

I remember being heavily pregnant in Tescos when a distant harbinger of doom relation walked up to me and said "Ooh Christmas, you look dreadful. And I don't like your hair like that, it makes you look really old."

I was 25. <weeps> And I felt fine.

She is a very rude woman in general though.

OrangeLily Mon 31-Dec-12 02:54:26

My mum does this and will insist I am tired even if I'm not! Like she tries to force me in accepting that I'm tired. It's so bizarre.

But I am always grateful for the underhanded " you look like shit" comment too.

kisssmekate Mon 31-Dec-12 02:43:54

Whats smiling got to do with it sparkley ?

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