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To ask exh not to have contact with dd

(38 Posts)
wavesgoodbye Sat 29-Dec-12 22:58:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 29-Dec-12 23:00:45

I wouldn't want him to be having contact with her on his own tbh. How old is DD?

Sirzy Sat 29-Dec-12 23:01:02

How old is your DD?

Can you take advice from his care team as for what is best? If you were still together would you be wanting to keep her away from him?

Moominsarescary Sat 29-Dec-12 23:05:31

If he only sees her a few times a year is it even a problem? Has he asked to see her?

TraineeBabyCatcher Sat 29-Dec-12 23:07:14

I would allow contact to carry on, but it would need to be supervised.

wavesgoodbye Sat 29-Dec-12 23:07:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wavesgoodbye Sat 29-Dec-12 23:08:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 29-Dec-12 23:09:35

I think, depending in your DD's understanding, that it's her decision. If she wants to see him, then you should try and make it happen (as long as it's supervised and as safe as possible).

wavesgoodbye Sat 29-Dec-12 23:23:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wavesgoodbye Sat 29-Dec-12 23:42:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife Sun 30-Dec-12 00:02:11

Is there a court order ordering these visits ? If not then you can just say no.
If you dont feel safe .

If he then goes to court you cite the mh issues etc. then court might order supervised contact in a contact centre.

But it doesn't make much sense .you meet in a public place so presumably safer.
It is only couple times a year so can hardly be eating into her social life.

If there have been investigations or she is sen you might already have a social worker so speak to the social worker .
But bottom line is if you don't think dd is safe with him then don't have contact. It falls to you to keep her and you safe.

If he wants to challenge that he can do so thru the courts and you present your evidence of his severe mh etc.

cestlavielife Sun 30-Dec-12 00:04:23

And his mh team can liaise with ss etc to organise supervised visits. If they are seen as necessary. You don't have to be supervising. Let someone who can liaise with his mh team decide what to do. But if she happy enough not seeing him then just stop contact for now.

SirBoobAlot Sun 30-Dec-12 00:12:45

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. But then, I have a severe mental health condition.

It sounds like he is aware of his mental health, and that he is getting the treatment he needs.

If you are concerned, I would say supervised visits, but to deprive both of them of contact because he is ill would be unfair.

cestlavielife Sun 30-Dec-12 00:14:01

If he has asked to see her then ask him to get someone from his mh team to liaise with ss or cafcass to set up properly supervised contact eg ina cafcass contact centre. has list of contact centres. When my exp was in bad state and we were going thru court etc cafcass set up one supervised meeting In cafcass family room so it was safe. You need to use the services available to make sure you and dd are safe. It. Might take some time to set up. But you can't take any risks so do it safely and use a contact centre.

He wants to see her he should be telling his mh team and go thru them. They can get ss or someone to liaise with you.

wavesgoodbye Sun 30-Dec-12 00:20:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wavesgoodbye Sun 30-Dec-12 00:22:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary Sun 30-Dec-12 00:27:29

I wouldn't usually agree with no contact for Fathers but in this case I think it would be wise to stop contact for the time being unless it would affect his mental health even more. In which case I'd try and have contact with another person there if that is possible.

CaHoHoHootz Sun 30-Dec-12 00:29:39

Would you be able to take DD to exP parents or friends and both stay for a couple of hours? Or what you and DD meeting him at McDonald for lunch? Not for long just so that your DD can keep in touch.

It is hard to give advice without knowing the people involved. Good luck though.

wavesgoodbye Sun 30-Dec-12 00:29:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wavesgoodbye Sun 30-Dec-12 00:34:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife Sun 30-Dec-12 00:35:35

If the visits are about you and him then they are not about dd.

So there is little point for dd.

So you need to get some support eg speak to your own gp , speak to , call cafcass etc. and follow thru with saying it is going to be supervised ina contact centre. or not at all.

His reaction is his problem he can discuss his feelings with his therapists.

If you don't have a trusted adult who can take dd to see him then you have little choice but to use a professional contact centre /cafcass etc .

cestlavielife Sun 30-Dec-12 00:41:51

Go to your gp. Explain the situation. Patient confidentiality will apply but they can speak to his mh team and see who there could liaise with you to arrange a supervised contact. You don't have to be the one supervising if it isn't working. You dont have to be ina position where your anxierpty is rising because of having to supervise contact because there are other people who can do this for you. Speak to your gp.

A poster earlier suggested he has insight to his mh . In Which case he will understand that right now a contact centre is safe for all. My dd were 8 and 6 when we used contact centre. It was fine. In fact it went pretty well.

nurseneedshelp Sun 30-Dec-12 00:42:10

I think you've answered you're own question op.

If you wouldn't feel safe why would you send your dd? It's your job to protect her.

cestlavielife Sun 30-Dec-12 00:44:23

We have since used a trusted adult for supervision. As he has been stable thus has progressed to is of course down to me to revert to supervised if I see any signs ...which is big responsibility.but I will do this if needs be. I have input from family therapist via gp referral which has been useful sessions both with and without dc . Oh and without ex but they have met him.

SirBoobAlot Sun 30-Dec-12 00:45:25

If you suffer from anxiety and depression yourself, I would suggestion speaking to the people that deal with your own medical care if you are wary about talking to his team. Though if you feel calm enough to do so, it would be preferable to discuss with him about having his team involved right now.

I'm sorry if my initial post sounded harsh, I am adding my own filters of being a parent with a mental health issue onto your situation, and that wasn't fair.

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