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For telling 11 year old dd she can't come with us to see Les Mis?

(213 Posts)
Picturesinthefirelight Sat 29-Dec-12 22:08:44

She turned 11 recently, still in primary school. Doesn't know about sex and stuff yet

From reading an American guide for parents website it seems the film shows fantine selling herself in a bit more detail (apparently it shows the man lowering her top, thrusting then leaving after paying)

Dd has friends at school who have been to see 12a films and indeed we have let her watch certain 12 dvd's (hairspray, Star Wars Harry potter etc)

Am I being a prude?

At 11 they will hear allsorts in the playground, do you really want her being misinformed?

Its your job to educate your daughter about sex and puberty, not the schools. A lot of girls have already started their periods by 11, I find it shocking that you don't want her to be as informed as possible with the right information and that because its clearly something you can't speak about with her she isn't going to come to you with any questions or problems.

I think whether to take her to see this film is the least of your worries tbh.

peaceandlovebunny Sat 29-Dec-12 22:23:35

you're doing her a favour. why would anyone want to see that?

cardibach Sat 29-Dec-12 22:24:56

As none of us has seen the film yet (unless one of you was on the red carpet...) we don't really know how explicit the scene is. It is also a very small part of a long film. I'd take her if she is a Musical THeatre nut.

cardibach Sat 29-Dec-12 22:26:24

peaceandlovebunny no need to be snitty! Clearly most people on this thread do want to see it, as do the thousands who see it atthe theatre every year. You don;t want tog o, fine. Don't snipe at those who do. Not helpful.

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 29-Dec-12 22:26:41

I do have a friend of a friend who went to the premiere (member of current west end cast). Maybe I should send her a message.

SirBoobAlot Sat 29-Dec-12 22:27:34

I adore Les Miserables, but certainly wouldn't take an 11 year old to see the film. It is quite a violent story line anyway, and films are always more explicit.

Dominodonkey Sat 29-Dec-12 22:28:08

I think it is highly likely that your daughter knows more than you think - though she may well be misinformed in some aspects.

The imdb guide suggests the thrusting lasts less than 2 seconds so if she really does know nothing she won't have a clue what is going on as it will be gone before she notices.

If she loves musicals you are being a bit mean but obviously up to you.

Salmotrutta Sat 29-Dec-12 22:28:23

Oh she'll have heard about it OP.

But very probably with all sorts of odd embellishments.

I think I heard via the whispering network when I was around nine.

Then i savoured this illicit information for a year or so before i made my mum squirm her way through an explanation (because I was a little mischief maker).

snowtunesgirl Sat 29-Dec-12 22:28:31

OP, if she's a musical theatre nut AND has already seen the stage show, it wouldn't have escaped her attention that Fantine is a prostitute. I would take her.

Nixea Sat 29-Dec-12 22:28:42

Just to echo another poster up thread, if you do decide to take her then make sure you have an open conversation with her before hand. At least then she'll know what to expect and hopefully be able to process it a bit better.

Salmotrutta Sat 29-Dec-12 22:30:38

"It" being sex obviously!!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 29-Dec-12 22:32:07

DH and I saw it on Thursday. Bloody fucking marvellous film. (we are in the States ATM).

I wouldn't take your DD. Apart from the prostitution and sex scenes, which are much more disturbing and up close in the film than the stage version, there are a couple of other scenes that are very graphic and disturbing even for me as an adult who knew the story. Don't want to say any more, spoiler alerts etc, but please do PM me if you would like more detail!

VivaLeBeaver Sat 29-Dec-12 22:32:42

I've always been very open with dd about sex and thankfully she does feel she can talk to me about stuff.

The things she heard in the playground at primary school were a bit surprising. She's come home before now and asked me about threesomes, bum sex, blow jobs. All stuff shed heard from other kids.

Jojobells1986 Sat 29-Dec-12 22:32:59

I'm struggling to understand why this has become a debate about sex ed. I was a very naive child & would've felt v uncomfortable about watching anything even remotely sexual at that age, even though I had been taught about the mechanics of it all. I wasn't really ready to think about that aspect of life until I was about 14. My sister, on the other hand, was very mature for her age & would've been able to deal with it at about 9! Everyone is different & if you don't feel your DD is ready for this particular film then YANBU in stopping her seeing it.

CoolaYuleA Sat 29-Dec-12 22:34:18

As none of us know your DD and in all probability none of us have seen the film yet we aren't in a position to say whether you are being U or not.

You don't seem to want to take her though - so don't. It's your decision.

The other option is go see it, and if you think it's ok go again and take her with you. It's Les Mis - unless it's horrifically bad which is highly unlikely it will be worth watching twice.

That way you, as the person who knows your daughter, can make your own decision, based on knowledge of both your child and the film - instead of asking us to essentially guess based on no knowledge of either.

Problem solved.

FWIW - I doubt very much that your daughter doesn't know anything about sex. I was told about it, in detail, at seven, so twenty seven years ago.... and I went to a naice school in a time where sex definitely wasn't on the curriculum before at least twelve. I have yet to meet a child that gets to eleven without knowing at least the basics and probably having seen pictures.

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 29-Dec-12 22:35:09

That's really useful hearts thank you.

Aside of Samantha barks - can they sing?

SnookieSnickers Sat 29-Dec-12 22:36:03

I think it's fine to say she can't come with you- it is a 12A etc etc. But you can't keep brushing the sex talk under the carpet. It is so much better that she hears it from you properly than from playground whispers.

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 29-Dec-12 22:36:52

I'm already bad mummy with both dd and ds (age8) because we won't take them to see Priscilla on tour!

snowtunesgirl Sat 29-Dec-12 22:38:06

Well I haven't seen the film but KNOW that Hugh Jackman can. I saw him in Oklahoma a long time ago and he was magnificent. Also he won the Tony a few years ago.

snowtunesgirl Sat 29-Dec-12 22:38:58

Ah now Priscilla, I wouldn't take an 11 year old DD to go see. The erm, firing ping pong balls is quite a big and obvious number. grin

Tallalime Sat 29-Dec-12 22:39:02

I probably wouldn't take an 11 year old to see it because it is very long.

My 4 yr old knows about sex and where babies come from though, I can't comprehend how a child can get to 11 and have no idea. Not even anything to do with emotional maturity, has she never come across a pregnant woman? Surely that's when most children ask their parents 'that' question...

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 29-Dec-12 22:39:36

Dh is a musical theatre vocal coach so I know he's going to be sitting there analysing it all!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 29-Dec-12 22:41:27

YABU - if she's seen the stage show she will be busy comparing the two.

And at 11 she does know about sex. She just isn't likely to start chatting to you about it. It's the way of being 11.

Do ask your friend who has seen it though Op. It will be helpful. But just ask her how it was,the it explicit rather than asking your friend if she thinks it's suitable. It would put her in an awkward position if she said yes,you took your daughter and felt differently!

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 29-Dec-12 22:41:41

Lol snowtunes. Very funny though. We saw it in west end with oliver Thornton. Never laughed so much in my life.

The kids love the soundtrack but the show is def not suitable!

manicinsomniac Sat 29-Dec-12 22:44:04

Can't really say if YABU or not, it's your daughter; you know her and are the only one who can make the decision.

But I am going to take my just turned 10 year old musical theatre nut. We both love the stage show and can't wait for the film (though doubt it can even begin to compare to the show). I may even take my 5 year old musical theatre nut-in-training if I can't find anyone to leave her with.

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