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AIBU?

In thinking this is very rude

28 replies

sweetkitty · 29/12/2012 19:26

Before Christmas I had said to my brother and SIL they should come for lunch (we live an hour away and haven't seen them since we went to theirs in Oct). They said that would be great, I spoke to my brother again just before Christmas and he said he would check with SILs shifts and get back to me, I told him the days we were free (pretty much all the time) and said well you choose the day. He phoned me Christmas day, I thanked him for the DCs presents and he said they would come up Saturday and bring chorizo sausage and a cheese board (!).

My Dad took their presents away and they would have opened them late Christmas day, my brother had texted me about my Dad there but no thank you or anything about what my nephew thought of his present (he's only one).

Yesterday I texted him to ak if today was still ok, got no reply but I was out in the morning and bought them lunch, today nothing from them. I don't want to end yet another text.

It's not them not coming up that bothers me (things come up and it's an hours drive in not nice weather) its the not even phoning me to cancel. The DDs have been asking when they are coming up all day, DD1 has made a bracelet for SIL too.

Another thing is I don't speak to my mother, she was emotionally abusive to me yet my brother is her golden child and I assume my nephew is too. I am wondering if she has been meddling but then again they are both adults they should be abe to send a text at least.

OP posts:

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everlong · 29/12/2012 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittyFane1 · 29/12/2012 19:37

Very strange :( can you phone instead of text? I'd phone him and ask if he's ok as you were expecting him :(

whatatwat · 29/12/2012 19:37

They are rude.

ihatethecold · 29/12/2012 19:38

It's rude. I would be annoyed if anyone did this to me. Never mind a relative.

aprilrain · 29/12/2012 19:40

Why not phone?

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 29/12/2012 19:40

Phone him.

ViviPru · 29/12/2012 19:41

Without firm plans I'd definitely have got in touch the day before to check they were still coming, but yes, they've been rude.

It does seem that you're clouding several separate issues together though, which while understandable, is not helpful.

IceNoSlice · 29/12/2012 19:44

Phone him

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 29/12/2012 19:47

Before stewing on it, call them to make sure they are all ok.

You have the right to be worried if you haven't heard from them.

If you don't hear, can you ring your dad in the morning?

If they just dudn't show, then yes that's rude. A simple text the evening before, followed by a call at a convenient time hardly requires Olympic training.

sweetkitty · 29/12/2012 20:57

Ok so I phoned him, he said oh I was just going to text you. I asked what happened and he said SiL was on a nightshift last night. Which is fair enough but I texted him yesterday and she would have known her shifts Christmas day when he phoned. Don't know why he couldn't have texted me yesterday.

Oh well.

OP posts:

everlong · 29/12/2012 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 30/12/2012 00:03

Is it one of those relationships where they are happy for you to put all the effort in to keep it going, op?

SoleSource · 30/12/2012 01:12

To not cancel was thoughtless and rude. Maybe they are having money worries ie no credit on phone or petrol. Maybe she covered for someone at work. Still no excuse for not cancelling, really or at least getting in touch at some point.

What will your attitude with them be?

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 30/12/2012 01:37

Ah well at least you don't have to eat a Cheese board and get splinters in your tongue eh?

sweetkitty · 30/12/2012 14:48

Love it binful I'm just peeved I cleaned the house for them coming

No cash worries, my brother said they would come up next weekend as he's off until the 7th. That's not great for us as we are having a huge clear put and completely clearing out a bedroom as we have builders knocking down walls starting on the 7th.

Yes I try and make an effort with my brother as we have a tiny family and most of them are a bit rubbish, DP says his resolution is to stop making as much of an effort with them, it's not reciprocated

OP posts:

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 30/12/2012 14:57

Then say no.

They have already inconveniencd you once. Those are big plans and shouldn't be compromised by people who can't honour commitments.

Your DP is correct.

whatatwat · 30/12/2012 17:00

your DH i right.
but then my DH says the same about my family and yet i keep trying with them.

sweetkitty · 02/01/2013 11:55

This New a year I decided not to be the one to text or phone first (petty I know but I though I'll just wait and see)

So far nothing from my brother or SIL.

Or from my Dad (who has been posting loads on FB but has as yet to wish me a Happy New Year) yes I know I haven't wished him one either.

Other SIL sent a text yesterday.

That's the input from our families TBH it's made me a bit down, I think my new Years resolution is to admit yes ou families are both shit, they are never going to change, need to get over it and get on with it.

OP posts:

bealos · 02/01/2013 11:58

It's really shit when you make the effort and feel like other people don't. Sorry OP.

Think phoning is much much better than texting in the long run. Sometimes I text, call AND email. No getting away from that one!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/01/2013 12:06

See, you say it's petty, but... and have the sensitivity to know what's fair and what isn't. Whereas they're the kind of folk who just don't give a damn, it suits them fine when you're the one making all the effort. It sucks I know but you have to toughen up, accept that's how they are, focus on your own DDs and DH, anything you get from the rest is a bonus, try not to feel hurt.

sweetkitty · 02/01/2013 12:16

Thank you x

Yes it hurts when you see your friends getting so much help from family, we literally have no one, even things like when one 2yo DD3 was in hospital having an emergency op, DP was looking after the two other DDs and 11mo DS, not an offer of help, hey not even a "how is she?" text or call it was me updating them.

Even with other SIL (DPs sister) she was off work for a year, also lives an hours drive away but never once came up unless it was a birthday, we would go down to visit but it was never invited, it was always us saying "we are coming down, are you going to be around for a visit?"

I'm just so sick of it, I know I need to stop dwelling on it.

OP posts:

Willdoitinaminute · 02/01/2013 12:28

I have a family who think the phone is only for answering, you get used to it. When my Mil comments that we haven't been in touch I now politely remind her that neither has she.
However I did have a lovely chat with my youngest sis last night. I look forward to our next one ( initiated by her) this time next year.

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theodorakisses · 02/01/2013 12:34

I feel for you, nobody would choose to not speak to their mum for no reason, stay strong and let her meddle away.

springlamb · 02/01/2013 12:38

Oh we get loads of this crap going on. I absolutely totally prioritise those who live under this roof and who support me. I am never happier than when we are indoors together and the OddBods are all out of the way. And they are all Oddbods. I no longer instigate. I respond appropriately, but I do not instigate. There is no crime in saying to yourself it's not that I am not talking to them, I am just happier not talking to them.
Yes, blood is thicker than water...but we've all heard of blood poisoning, haven't we.

theodorakisses · 02/01/2013 12:41

springlamb, I may print and frame your wise words for future oddbod incidents.

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